If I could tell my adolescent self what I know now...

[DrPhil]

Some of it was good.

Some of it was satire (Drake sucks and shouldn't be listened to regardless of the circumstances).

Some of it was things that a child shouldn't care about.

I don't like that she began with platonic and nonplatonic relationships as though our conceptions of self are 100% contingent upon our conceptions of others. I don't like that she started with men and relationships. That is problematic for three reasons: (1) It is based on the gender stereotype of women being primarily concerned with emotions, men, and romanticism; (2) It is heterocentric; and (3) having a committed nonplatonic relationship is not a priority for everyone or a requirement for adulthood and happiness. I want people, in general, beginning with childhood, to know that there are many optional choices that have for centuries been presented as requirements for adulthood. So, when youth and young adults talk to me about certain things, I tell them to focus on self-improvement. Whether they want nonplatonic romantic relationships or some definition of family is a choice that is up to them. If nonplatonic romantic relationships or some definition of family is how they define self-improvement, more power to them, but I first recommend learning yourself before feeling the need to pursue other people. If your world would crumble if those people disappeared, it is perhaps the case that your conception of self was too reliant upon other people.

[WhiteRose1912]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I don't like that she began with platonic and nonplatonic relationships as though our conceptions of self are 100% contingent upon our conceptions of others. I don't like that she started with men and relationships. That is problematic for three reasons: (1) It is based on the gender stereotype of women being primarily concerned with emotions, men, and romanticism; (2) It is heterocentric; and (3) having a committed nonplatonic relationship is not a priority for everyone or a requirement for adulthood and happiness. I want people, in general, beginning with childhood, to know that there are many optional choices that have for centuries been presented as requirements for adulthood. So, when youth and young adults talk to me about certain things, I tell them to focus on self-improvement. Whether they want nonplatonic romantic relationships or some definition of family is a choice that is up to them. If nonplatonic romantic relationships or some concept of family is how they define self-improvement, more power to them, but I first recommend learning yourself before feeling the need to pursue other people. If your world would crumble if those people disappeared, it is perhaps the case that your conception of self was too reliant upon other people.

Well said.

[Munchkin03]

Meh. It was kind of cute, but it left me hanging.

What would you, dear GC readers, want your adolescent self to know?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

What would you, dear GC readers, want your adolescent self to know?

He will eventually be a 45 year old man with a gambling problem and a soul patch that makes him look like a jackass.

Everything else I kind of learned once I went away to college and looked at my small town and said "oh, I guess that WASN'T the world, and I'm quite glad that I didn't fit into it."

[clarinette]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Everything else I kind of learned once I went away to college and looked at my small town and said "oh, I guess that WASN'T the world, and I'm quite glad that I didn't fit into it."

This is beautiful, and it really speaks to my transition from HS to college.

What I would say to teenage me:

Siblings can be annoying, but stand up for them when your friends get at them. Life is hard enough for teenagers; don't allow it to be hard when you can do something.

People who say that you must hate your family for going to a college so far away have no concept of your dreams and wants. That college will change you from a child to an adult in so many ways; ignore the high school kids.

Tell your private clarinet teacher that you really care about him. You won't get to say that once he's gone. Same goes for your church organist.

Your parents understand you better than you know. I know you love and care about them, but just appreciate the little things they do a bit more.

Do not feel that loyalty means defending someone to the death every single time. It's really not. Sometimes people don't deserve your loyalty. On the flip side, just because someone is aloof most of the time doesn't mean they don't care about you. You'll understand why when you're older.

You should have taken piano. Really.

Friends who care about you won't try to change who you are, and they won't let you cry alone.

Also, "You are enough. You are so enough, it's unbelievable how enough you are."

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Everything else I kind of learned once I went away to college and looked at my small town and said "oh, I guess that WASN'T the world, and I'm quite glad that I didn't fit into it."

Originally Posted by clarinette

People who say that you must hate your family for going to a college so far away have no concept of your dreams and wants. That college will change you from a child to an adult in so many ways; ignore the high school kids.

Yes and yes!

People look at me like I'm crazy for moving and living in different places. There is so much to see and do in this world and so many people to meet that I can't imagine staying in the same place for my entire life.

Everyone and everything is only a plane ride away.