My boyfriend joined a frat and has become so mean; help!!!

DZGA · #1 04-09-2013, 12:06 AM

Okay so my boyfriend, (ex boyfriend right now but we are working on that) just joined a fraternity a couple of months ago. I told him to do it, that it would be a lot of fun but honestly it has been nothing but hell for us. I have been in my sorority since we first started dating (we have been together for a year and half) and he used to be so insecure about me going to socials and parties without him so I wouldn't. We spent all of our time together and were so happy, he was the best boyfriend I have ever had and has treated me like a princess from day one. Well once he joined this frat, he has completely changed. He wants to party all the time, he started smoking cigs, and he has gotten fired from his job because he wanted to hang out with his bros and forgot he had work. On top of that, he recently dumped me because he just feels like he wants to be independent for awhile and doesn't want to have to check in with me all the time but he says he has every intention of us being together again. He dumped me right before his formal but still wanted me to go because he "couldn't imagine taking another girl" but he treated me terribly while we were there. Whenever I would walk into a room he was in, he would tell me to stop babysitting him and leave the room. I would simply walk into the room and he would that... It got so bad that I literally packed my stuff and left. The next day he apologized and said he just drank too much and he knows he messed up and blah blah blah. I am just so confused. I don't know what's going on. This guy is literally my best friend, he knows everything about me and I know everything about him; we spent every day together and were ALWAYS happy. He talked about the future and getting married and I never imagined us ever breaking up (he said he never would break up with me). Why did he just dump me out of nowhere then? I am so confused and beyond stressed about this entire situation, I just don't know what to do. Is this just something he is going through that will end soon? His personality did a complete 180. oh and he rushed as a junior and he is pre-med but his grades are no longer reflecting that but he says he cares more about having fun then schoolwork and grades! and he promised me that if this fraternity was affecting our relationship then he would drop. When I asked him if he remembered that promise, he said "Yeah but you've broken promises before. I'm not dropping." What is going on??

ASTalumna06 · #2 04-09-2013, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DZGA

Okay so my boyfriend, (ex boyfriend right now but we are working on that) just joined a fraternity a couple of months ago. I told him to do it, that it would be a lot of fun but honestly it has been nothing but hell for us. I have been in my sorority since we first started dating (we have been together for a year and half) and he used to be so insecure about me going to socials and parties without him so I wouldn't. We spent all of our time together and were so happy, he was the best boyfriend I have ever had and has treated me like a princess from day one. Well once he joined this frat, he has completely changed. He wants to party all the time, he started smoking cigs, and he has gotten fired from his job because he wanted to hang out with his bros and forgot he had work. On top of that, he recently dumped me because he just feels like he wants to be independent for awhile and doesn't want to have to check in with me all the time but he says he has every intention of us being together again. He dumped me right before his formal but still wanted me to go because he "couldn't imagine taking another girl" but he treated me terribly while we were there. Whenever I would walk into a room he was in, he would tell me to stop babysitting him and leave the room. I would simply walk into the room and he would that... It got so bad that I literally packed my stuff and left. The next day he apologized and said he just drank too much and he knows he messed up and blah blah blah. I am just so confused. I don't know what's going on. This guy is literally my best friend, he knows everything about me and I know everything about him; we spent every day together and were ALWAYS happy. He talked about the future and getting married and I never imagined us ever breaking up (he said he never would break up with me). Why did he just dump me out of nowhere then? I am so confused and beyond stressed about this entire situation, I just don't know what to do. Is this just something he is going through that will end soon? His personality did a complete 180. oh and he rushed as a junior and he is pre-med but his grades are no longer reflecting that but he says he cares more about having fun then schoolwork and grades! and he promised me that if this fraternity was affecting our relationship then he would drop. When I asked him if he remembered that promise, he said "Yeah but you've broken promises before. I'm not dropping." What is going on??

Sounds like he's in a "bros before hoes" mentality right now. It's sad that he's also putting work and school behind his fraternity, but that's the choice he's made.

I understand he's your "best friend" and all that, and he promised to never break up with you or let anything affect your relationship (which is a bullshit promise, btw.. and I imagine you're smart enough to know that), but he did break up with you.

So my advice is to move on. Plain and simple. It may not seem easy, but he gave you a pretty obvious signal by telling you he doesn't want to be with you.

adpiucf · #3 04-09-2013, 12:18 AM

He's not your boyfriend anymore. He broke up with. I'm sorry this happened. People change a lot during college. I wish you the best; obviously you deserve better than being treated this way.

thetalady · #4 04-09-2013, 12:20 AM

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but Good Lord, girl.. have some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for yourself (please read that with Aretha's voice singing in your head

)

I know you are young & I am really old, but trust me... being together for 1 1/2 years is a SECOND in your lifetime. Move on. There really are better men out there. This one is not finished cooking.

DZGA · #5 04-09-2013, 12:21 AM

I mean he said he wanted space but then said he wants us to date again, he doesn't want to do anything with anyone else and he expects the same from me.
Yes when it comes down to it, I know I need to move on, I just thought that maybe this relationship was worth saving. He really was an amazing guy, he has just lost himself and I don't know if he will be back to the way he was ever again.

Thank you for the advice

DZGA · #6 04-09-2013, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

He's not your boyfriend anymore. He broke up with. I'm sorry this happened. People change a lot during college. I wish you the best; obviously you deserve better than being treated this way.

Maybe I shouldn't have labeled this as my bf joined a frat. I just felt like 'ex' sounded like we haven't been together for awhile and he literally just broke up with me.

WCsweet<3 · #7 04-09-2013, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DZGA

I mean he said he wanted space but then said he wants us to date again, he doesn't want to do anything with anyone else and he expects the same from me.
Yes when it comes down to it, I know I need to move on, I just thought that maybe this relationship was worth saving. He really was an amazing guy, he has just lost himself and I don't know if he will be back to the way he was ever again.

Thank you for the advice

Have you ever seen the episode of how I met your mother other is about being on a hook? Seriously though let him go and find someone who won't drop everything just to fit in.

DubaiSis · #8 04-09-2013, 12:37 AM

Dump his ass. He already dumped you? Well, you need to mentally dump him. He might get his life together in 5 or 10 years or never, but who has the time? There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated and the longer you let him take up space in your head he's going to diminish your personality and self-confidence. I bet with a little time (and help from your sisters, by the way) you'll wonder why you even thought you were friends.

WCsweet<3 · #9 04-09-2013, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Dump his ass. He already dumped you? Well, you need to mentally dump him. He might get his life together in 5 or 10 years or never, but who has the time? There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated and the longer you let him take up space in your head he's going to diminish your personality and self-confidence. I bet with a little time (and help from your sisters, by the way) you'll wonder why you even thought you were friends.

Preach! This! All of this!

Old_Row · #10 04-09-2013, 12:48 AM

ASTalumna06 · #11 04-09-2013, 01:00 AM

Buy the book 'He's Just Not that into You.' Seriously.. it will change your life.

You're so young. And trying to rationalize his irrational behavior will only drive you crazy. There are so many fish in the sea. Go find yourself a rod and reel double quick.

DZGA · #12 04-09-2013, 01:20 AM

Thank yall so much for the feedback; I feel stupid for ever letting him hurt me like this!

DZGA · #13 04-09-2013, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Old_Row

ouch. kinda hurts to be labeled as that...

DeltaBetaBaby · #14 04-09-2013, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DZGA

Thank yall so much for the feedback; I feel stupid for ever letting him hurt me like this!

It's okay; we've all been there.

GammaGirl1908 · #15 04-09-2013, 01:57 AM

I would say DTMFA, but he's already broken up with you. Take him at his word and do not expect him to come back.

If I have learned anything in my life, it's to believe people when they show you who they are. He's showing you that he doesn't want to be with you. Do you really want to be waiting around for someone who is trying -- half-heartedly at that -- to keep you as his backup? I don't know about you, but I was not put on this planet to be anyone's second choice.

Sometimes it's hard to accept, but this relationship has changed and no longer fits your needs. Wishing for what you used to have (pre-fraternity) isn't productive. Unfortunately, it sounds like his priorities have changed, and you are no longer one of them. It sucks, but better to find out sooner rather than later.

Go find someone who will *continue* to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, not someone who just used to do so.