Going Early Alum... need help.

Originally Posted by Old_Row

Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.

[Old_Row]

I just don't know how you could be a big with such limited and negative experience. She would already have a big anyway. I don't believe alumna membership is anything like college membership and you are looking for something that doesn't exist.

Originally Posted by Old_Row

I just don't know how you could be a big with such limited and negative experience. She would already have a big anyway. I don't believe alumna membership is anything like college membership and you are looking for something that doesn't exist.

You know, I honestly feel like there are options out there for every situation. I am trying to make the best of mine, and something even like the Pearl program or something would be something that I'm interested in and is a good alternative. No, I will never have a little that I pick, and also picks me from the incoming pledge class, and I won't have "fam nights" and she won't make me a paddle and I won't buy her her first set of letters. I know all of that. I came here looking for alternatives, or something close enough that could be a substitute or see if anyone had gone through the same thing. I had to leave my house because some people don't know how to handle power, or treat others, and I was tired of having people that were supposed to be my SISTERS make me feel like I meant NOTHING to any of them. It's not like I wanted to leave the one thing I'd always dreamed of doing, but at some point your dream has to die in order to save yourself. So I know I will never have that "normal" experience. But I also know that where there is a will, there is a way. I'm trying to think positively about all of this, and to find a way to at least share a special bond with one girl that I could maybe eventually call my little. I HAVE a big and I'm not closed down to adopting another big that I am actually AROUND. So maybe it'll be the same for some other girl.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.

I've been looking into that, too, and that sounds like it could be fun! I know there are opportunities out there, I just need to find them all

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.

As I've said before, I have a big and would be open to adopting a second one. So maybe some girl somewhere along the line would be willing to do the same thing. I'm not going to stalk some girl home and bring her "littles" gifts. But if something like that happened, where I met a girl who transferred and we wanted a big little relationship, then I feel that's fair to do. I'm not socially insufficient, I know how to handle myself. But it's not completely out of line to hope that might be possible in the future.

[33girl]

"Adopting" bigs or littles can get awfully dicey, unless the previous big or little in question was terminated from the sorority. The last thing you want to do is piss another whole chapter off.

If you choose to reinstate, you're an alumna now. You are not going to have a "little" as you knew it to be in collegiate life. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. At some point you might be able to participate in the Pearl Sister program for new colonies that AGD has, but that's apples and oranges. You need to say "I'm upset that I never had a chance to take a little," deal with it, and move on. If you can't do that, you are never going to be able to enjoy life as an alumna, and you should probably just save the money and forget about reinstatement.

[adpiucf]

If you're that intent on having a little, look at campus organizations at your new school where you can have a mentor/mentee or big/little relationship. There are service organizations, pre-professional societies, etc. Bonus: lots of new friends. You've chosen to transfer to a new school, so make the best of it.

[Old_Row]

There's got to be more to this story and we are only hearing one side where nothing is your fault. I also can't believe your mother thought there was nothing wrong with you performing that song. That's embarrassing in itself.

Originally Posted by Old_Row

There's got to be more to this story and we are only hearing one side where nothing is your fault. I also can't believe your mother thought there was nothing wrong with you performing that song. That's embarrassing in itself.

I fully admitted that I should have never said yes to the pageant, never said yes to the song and thought more about it... so I fail to see how NOTHING was my fault. I've taken responsibility for what I've done. None of the harassment was my fault. I didn't ask to have someone tell me to kill myself.

Also, my mom will be the first to tell me when I've done something wrong. So you need to be respectful of her and not say that that's embarrassing. Really.

[chi-o_cat]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

If you're that intent on having a little, look at campus organizations at your new school where you can have a mentor/mentee or big/little relationship. There are service organizations, pre-professional societies, etc. Bonus: lots of new friends. You've chosen to transfer to a new school, so make the best of it.

I believe that Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honor fraternity) does bigs/littles- if they have a chapter at your new school, you should look into that.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by chi-o_cat

I believe that Phi Sigma Pi (a co-ed honor fraternity) does bigs/littles- if they have a chapter at your new school, you should look into that.

However, PLEASE don't start joining random organizations just so you can get a little!

Originally Posted by 33girl

"Adopting" bigs or littles can get awfully dicey, unless the previous big or little in question was terminated from the sorority. The last thing you want to do is piss another whole chapter off.

If you choose to reinstate, you're an alumna now. You are not going to have a "little" as you knew it to be in collegiate life. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. At some point you might be able to participate in the Pearl Sister program for new colonies that AGD has, but that's apples and oranges. You need to say "I'm upset that I never had a chance to take a little," deal with it, and move on. If you can't do that, you are never going to be able to enjoy life as an alumna, and you should probably just save the money and forget about reinstatement.

Apparently I need to spell it out AGAIN. I WOULD LIKE TO LOOK INTO THE OPTION OF ADOPTING SOMEONE THAT COULD HOLD A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME LIKE THE BIG/LITTLE WOULD BE. If it happens, then it happens, and if it doesn't THEN IT DOESN'T AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT. I was literally asking for people's advice on dealing with the EMOTIONS that came with my situation, or if anyone else had been through it. It would be completely stupid to say that there is no chance EVER of me finding a little-type person. But all I was saying is it would be nice if that could happen and that I hope it does someday. I UNDERSTAND that it might not. I'm not incompetent. I understand.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

I was literally asking for people's advice on dealing with the EMOTIONS that came with my situation.

Here is the advice you say you sought:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change those I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.