Going Early Alum... need help.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Ok, good.



Yes, we do have a "way out of that stupid move."

I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).

And really, it only makes sense. Sometimes women do this because they just can't financially continue as a collegian. Sometimes they are facing difficult personal circumstances. Sometimes they make mistakes, mature a bit, get things together and realize their sorority membership is important to them. I imagine the women who make the effort to get reinstated will probably be pretty committed to their organization from that point on.

[33girl]

I know this is a sour grapes-ish answer, but the big-little relationship isn't always the lifechanging awesomeness it's made out to be. I know lots of people who can't stand their bigs/littles. (Your little is also not always younger than you and lots of girls aren't into being "mentored.") Ditto living in. It can be fun, but it can also be stressful. In other words, maybe those things would have been great for you, but there's a chance they could have sucked too. If that makes you feel better.

I advise you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into activities of all sorts at your new school and make lasting friends there. DON'T spend all your time with your boyfriend.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I know this is a sour grapes-ish answer, but the big-little relationship isn't always the lifechanging awesomeness it's made out to be. I know lots of people who can't stand their bigs/littles. (Your little is also not always younger than you and lots of girls aren't into being "mentored.") Ditto living in. It can be fun, but it can also be stressful. In other words, maybe those things would have been great for you, but there's a chance they could have sucked too. If that makes you feel better.

I advise you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into activities of all sorts at your new school and make lasting friends there. DON'T spend all your time with your boyfriend.

Haha. Well. I kind of have to spend a lot of time with him, since we live together. But he is a very understanding man and doesn't resent me the time with friends and even encourages it. He's been a huge help through this whole reinstatement process as well.

What you're saying about big/little relationships ARE true. My big (that I ADORE) absolutely hates her big, who also hates both of us (even though I've never met her officially). So I understand how that can be, but I've always wanted to try. Someone above mentioned maybe a sister search, and finding someone like me that transferred or whatnot.

[Old_Row]

Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.

Originally Posted by Old_Row

Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.

[Old_Row]

I just don't know how you could be a big with such limited and negative experience. She would already have a big anyway. I don't believe alumna membership is anything like college membership and you are looking for something that doesn't exist.

Originally Posted by Old_Row

I just don't know how you could be a big with such limited and negative experience. She would already have a big anyway. I don't believe alumna membership is anything like college membership and you are looking for something that doesn't exist.

You know, I honestly feel like there are options out there for every situation. I am trying to make the best of mine, and something even like the Pearl program or something would be something that I'm interested in and is a good alternative. No, I will never have a little that I pick, and also picks me from the incoming pledge class, and I won't have "fam nights" and she won't make me a paddle and I won't buy her her first set of letters. I know all of that. I came here looking for alternatives, or something close enough that could be a substitute or see if anyone had gone through the same thing. I had to leave my house because some people don't know how to handle power, or treat others, and I was tired of having people that were supposed to be my SISTERS make me feel like I meant NOTHING to any of them. It's not like I wanted to leave the one thing I'd always dreamed of doing, but at some point your dream has to die in order to save yourself. So I know I will never have that "normal" experience. But I also know that where there is a will, there is a way. I'm trying to think positively about all of this, and to find a way to at least share a special bond with one girl that I could maybe eventually call my little. I HAVE a big and I'm not closed down to adopting another big that I am actually AROUND. So maybe it'll be the same for some other girl.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.

I've been looking into that, too, and that sounds like it could be fun! I know there are opportunities out there, I just need to find them all

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.

As I've said before, I have a big and would be open to adopting a second one. So maybe some girl somewhere along the line would be willing to do the same thing. I'm not going to stalk some girl home and bring her "littles" gifts. But if something like that happened, where I met a girl who transferred and we wanted a big little relationship, then I feel that's fair to do. I'm not socially insufficient, I know how to handle myself. But it's not completely out of line to hope that might be possible in the future.

[33girl]

"Adopting" bigs or littles can get awfully dicey, unless the previous big or little in question was terminated from the sorority. The last thing you want to do is piss another whole chapter off.

If you choose to reinstate, you're an alumna now. You are not going to have a "little" as you knew it to be in collegiate life. THAT SHIP HAS SAILED. At some point you might be able to participate in the Pearl Sister program for new colonies that AGD has, but that's apples and oranges. You need to say "I'm upset that I never had a chance to take a little," deal with it, and move on. If you can't do that, you are never going to be able to enjoy life as an alumna, and you should probably just save the money and forget about reinstatement.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

As I've said before, I have a big and would be open to adopting a second one. So maybe some girl somewhere along the line would be willing to do the same thing. I'm not going to stalk some girl home and bring her "littles" gifts. But if something like that happened, where I met a girl who transferred and we wanted a big little relationship, then I feel that's fair to do. I'm not socially insufficient, I know how to handle myself. But it's not completely out of line to hope that might be possible in the future.

I just personally feel like you're a little too caught up on this. The "adopted" littles within my own chapter were always seen as more of a joke - a joke among the new big/little match, not seen as a joke by the rest of the chapter. They just kind of said it to say it. It didn't consist of switching family lines, showering each other with gifts, and being a mentor.

Some things don't work out as we planned. Just go with the flow. And be aware that even though you have a big (from a chapter that, according to you, basically "disowned" you), and you are willing to have another one, another transfer you meet might have the best big in the world and the last thing she'd want to do is piss her off by claiming someone else as her big.