Going Early Alum... need help.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

I have been in contact with IHQ and talked to several women who have all told me the same thing. I wait until the year mark is over (January) and then I can have my membership reinstated, but as an alum since I moved schools. Normally it would just be reinstated, but since I moved and there is no chapter at my school, it will be as an alum.

Ok, good.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

No, I wasn't calling you stupid or rash. But there are girls who get through 3 1/2 years of collegiate life and quit as opposed to sitting through 8 more chapter meetings. For the entire rest of their lives. I've never heard of an NPC sorority allowing a way out of that stupid move. Of course, I don't know all the ins and outs of your process, but if there is ANY way to resolve it, I think that's good.

It sounds like you had no choice but to make the moves you did. Hopefully being in a new city with (hopefully) a different set of alumnae sisters, you can start fresh and rebuild your opinion of the group as a whole.

Yes, we do have a "way out of that stupid move."

Back to the original question then, sarawoof... As an alum, you won't get that live in experience or the experience of having a sister-daughter, but there are things you will be able to do. For example, with our new colonizations, alumnae from all over the country take "pearl sisters." Since colony members don't have sister-mothers, alum correspond with them, make them feel welcome, etc. even from a distance

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Ok, good.



Yes, we do have a "way out of that stupid move."

I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I know that we also allow reinstatements, under certain circumstances. In fact, I'd guess that lots of groups do, but that it is just a rare thing (and perhaps needs a high level of approval?).

And really, it only makes sense. Sometimes women do this because they just can't financially continue as a collegian. Sometimes they are facing difficult personal circumstances. Sometimes they make mistakes, mature a bit, get things together and realize their sorority membership is important to them. I imagine the women who make the effort to get reinstated will probably be pretty committed to their organization from that point on.

[33girl]

I know this is a sour grapes-ish answer, but the big-little relationship isn't always the lifechanging awesomeness it's made out to be. I know lots of people who can't stand their bigs/littles. (Your little is also not always younger than you and lots of girls aren't into being "mentored.") Ditto living in. It can be fun, but it can also be stressful. In other words, maybe those things would have been great for you, but there's a chance they could have sucked too. If that makes you feel better.

I advise you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into activities of all sorts at your new school and make lasting friends there. DON'T spend all your time with your boyfriend.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I know this is a sour grapes-ish answer, but the big-little relationship isn't always the lifechanging awesomeness it's made out to be. I know lots of people who can't stand their bigs/littles. (Your little is also not always younger than you and lots of girls aren't into being "mentored.") Ditto living in. It can be fun, but it can also be stressful. In other words, maybe those things would have been great for you, but there's a chance they could have sucked too. If that makes you feel better.

I advise you to throw yourself wholeheartedly into activities of all sorts at your new school and make lasting friends there. DON'T spend all your time with your boyfriend.

Haha. Well. I kind of have to spend a lot of time with him, since we live together. But he is a very understanding man and doesn't resent me the time with friends and even encourages it. He's been a huge help through this whole reinstatement process as well.

What you're saying about big/little relationships ARE true. My big (that I ADORE) absolutely hates her big, who also hates both of us (even though I've never met her officially). So I understand how that can be, but I've always wanted to try. Someone above mentioned maybe a sister search, and finding someone like me that transferred or whatnot.

[Old_Row]

Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.

Originally Posted by Old_Row

Since you are only 19 I'm not sure how you expect to find an alumna even younger than you are to be a big to and mentor? Especially since you were only an active for a couple of months? That doesn't make sense to me.

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.

[Old_Row]

I just don't know how you could be a big with such limited and negative experience. She would already have a big anyway. I don't believe alumna membership is anything like college membership and you are looking for something that doesn't exist.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Some orgs also have alums that "adopt" a woman in a colonizing chapter. Again, this isn't something that would happen right now, but if you get involved as an alumna, this may be an opportunity for you down the line.

I've been looking into that, too, and that sounds like it could be fun! I know there are opportunities out there, I just need to find them all

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by sarawoof

Eventually, I guess. So maybe not this year or next year but the year after that. I can't be the ONLY girl that transfers. You know what I mean? So I'd just adopt someone along the way. And if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen, but I couldn't say that I didn't try.

You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

You're right.. You're not the only girl that transfers. However, you have a big sister, correct? Guess what - that other girl who transfers will also have a big already.

Please don't try too hard.. You could come off as desperate or weird. If you meet a girl who's a younger transfer, try to be her SISTER. That's probably what she's looking for.

As I've said before, I have a big and would be open to adopting a second one. So maybe some girl somewhere along the line would be willing to do the same thing. I'm not going to stalk some girl home and bring her "littles" gifts. But if something like that happened, where I met a girl who transferred and we wanted a big little relationship, then I feel that's fair to do. I'm not socially insufficient, I know how to handle myself. But it's not completely out of line to hope that might be possible in the future.