How to support a friend if their loves ones are ill.

[AZTheta]

^^^what DBB said. I also make a little card, write something personal, and include a gift card to Starbucks or a restaurant, a fast food or pizza place if that's suitable. Sometimes the person/family just needs to stop and pick up something quick. And I might not have time to fix a casserole and get it delivered.

Having experienced some times in my life when I was dependent on others, I second ree's comment: be specific in asking "what can I do?" That's how I could tell the person was really wanting to help. If they said "just let me know if you need anything" I pretty much figured that was meaningless. Why? After a time or two of calling and getting a "I would like to but I'm busy" response, I crossed those people off the "help list".

[LouisaMay]

I love that you are asking this! You must be a great friend.

I would second everything already listed. I think a card with a heart-felt note goes a long, long way. It just lets the person know that you realize they are in a tough spot and you love them. I also don't think it hurts to send a note to the sick person even if you aren't close. You can say something like, "Hi. I am a friend of your daughter So-and-So. Although I don't know you personally, I am praying for you during your illness."

A gas gift card can be very helpful. When I've had family in the hospital or needing many doctor visits, they commented on how fast their gas tanks seemed to go to empty!

The following article really helped me when a very close friend had cancer. I don't agree 100% with her comment about prayer, but I completely respect her position. I thought it might help you or other GC readers.

http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/actually-awesome-things-to-say-to-a-cancer-patient

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by AzTheta

Having experienced some times in my life when I was dependent on others, I second ree's comment: be specific in asking "what can I do?" That's how I could tell the person was really wanting to help. If they said "just let me know if you need anything" I pretty much figured that was meaningless. Why? After a time or two of calling and getting a "I would like to but I'm busy" response, I crossed those people off the "help list".

I second everything that has been said here, but especially the quoted. My family has had to deal with medical problems for years, but had a few especially hard years when I was younger. Some of the best things that happened during those years:
-someone taking care of me (I was ten) and taking me out to do things such as swimming, dance classes etc. If they have younger siblings taking them to get ice cream and go to the park speaks volumes. Movies, parks, museums etc.

-my godmother sneaking into the house a couple times and vacuuming, doing dishes, dusting and cleaning the bathrooms. She didn't want to touch clutter just in case it was important, but could do basic cleaning things that one just doesn't always have time for. This probably depends on your relationship with the person, but my godmother was also our neighbor and ridiculously close to the family.

-our refrigerator magically getting stocked with basic snacky food every so often. Not dinner, but snack foods that could be grabbed as we run to the hospital or food I could eat for breakfast.

-hand written notes

-visiting and talking. Most people stay away because, in my experience, A) they think we are too busy or B) they don't like to be around sick people/hospitals. However, it can get super lonely and boring depending on what is wrong. When you are sitting in a hospital room day in and day out, there isn't that much to do, especially if the sick person is asleep a lot. Chatting with a friend is always enjoyable.