A Rose by Any Other Name?: Co-ed Fraternity and Heteronormative Traditions

[UGAalum94]

I think I'd give roses if that's the tradition.

Would it be too weird to have the female members of your group kind of take a background role in handing the roses or singing on that night? I don't mean not be there, but have the guys be in the front and be the ones to hand the roses to the female new members?

I don't think that new sorority members should be offended to take a freezer pop or rose from a female member of your group, but if there's a romantic/crush element to which individual members hand the roses at all the other groups and a suggestion of potentially reciprocated interest, then I can kind of understand why it can get awkward for the heterosexual sorority women.

If you all just let the dudes do the handing out, it kind of goes away.

I think the three group mixer sounds like a great idea to me.

[ModernMajor]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Would it be too weird to have the female members of your group kind of take a background role in handing the roses or singing on that night? I don't mean not be there, but have the guys be in the front and be the ones to hand the roses to the female new members?

It starts to get into a grey area there. My guess is that my fraternity would insist that each pledge be able to hand out whatever they want. So if we do roses and freezy pops every pledge gets to decide which to give (regardless of gender). I feel like that system would result in very few roses getting handed out. (That is a reflection on the shyness of our male pledges, not the quality of the female sorority members. lol)

EDIT: Maybe there is another middle road. We could have some cute rose-themed gift perhaps? You know... like something you would find on pintrest. DISCLAIMER: I have no idea what pintrest is really like. In my mind it is where the collective female arts-and-craft unconscious resides. Its like the Matrix... but made entirely of finger nail marbling techniques and scrap-booking tricks. I think I will pick the blue pill.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by ModernMajor

It starts to get into a grey area there. My guess is that my fraternity would insist that each pledge be able to hand out whatever they want. So if we do roses and freezy pops every pledge gets to decide which to give (regardless of gender). I feel like that system would result in very few roses getting handed out. (That is a reflection on the shyness of our male pledges, not the quality of the female sorority members. lol)

Well, you kind of have to make a choice with this if you want your guests to be comfortable or if you want to honor your perfect group equality.

If you stick with your internal group equality, then I've afraid you have to accept that by doing the non-traditional thing, some of the sorority women won't want to participate with your group, and you probably aren't helping yourself with expanding your social role on campus with the other greek groups.

Do you think other people generally say, oh, let's have a social with the group that doesn't care if they make us uncomfortable and where the heterosexual dudes won't talk to girls?

ETA: I may not understand the campus culture enough, but, if you aren't doing the traditional thing, I don't think the particular gift matters that much. If this tradition is kind of a courtship deal, then same-sex gift giving is going to be different than the other groups. If you all just want to honor the new pledge classes and not be anti-social, send them a cake at their houses or something.