Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek
Nah, "50/50" wouldn't work for me. At times, however, men need to spend time with men, and women need to spend time with women. Afterall, we have different needs and we have different things to give to one another. It's just that no matter how good a listener your SO is, there is something qualitatively different about sharing the latest event with a special friend. It's just that she can give you something your SO cannot give and meet a need that your SO cannot meet (no fault of his own). I just believe that same-sex friendships are so important to a healthy relationship/marriage.
But, again, let me emphasize that balance is important, but "50/50" is not balance for me. Uh, uh, that's not what I mean by "balance". I believe the time we spend with our SO needs to take priority over the time we spend with our friends. It's just that when you (in general) do things separately, you have a tendency to grow apart, each experiencing your most enjoyable moments of fun and relaxation without the other. I just think it stands to reason that the person with whom you share the most enjoyable moments will give you the greatest dividends. But, not every couple is going to function in the same way, so to each its own.
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I didn't mean 50/50 literally, Cheerful. I was talking about "balance" like you said. I feel you on the rest of your post though. My girl doesn't like my boys LOL so she doesn't like it when I kick with them at all. So if I'm kickin with them 10% of the time, she trips, and I'm not throwing away my friends for nobody.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03
If a guy gets possessive about the people with whom I spend time, it's a huge red flag for me. That said, 2 years ago I was seeing a guy who really didn't want to me spend time with a specific group of friends. He hated them, but couldn't explain to me why he did. When we broke up, he tried to insinuate that it was because I had chosen them over him, when that wasn't the case at all--I chose ME. I'm an extrovert and, regardless if I'm in a serious relationship or not, I need to have an active social life. Even in our case, it was maybe 55/45 in his favor, and it still bothered him that I wasn't willing to give up my friends.
Of course, that's probably not your experience. I've had friends (both male and female) who give up their friends when they enter relationships and that's obviously not healthy. Your relationship with Brandi is still relatively new, so 50/50 is probably a healthy mix, and it probably fluctuates from time to time. Your friends may be bitter about your not being around as much, but they'll get over it eventually--unless you really are becoming "that guy."
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That's how my girl is. She doesn't like my boys. The thing is it isn't really literally 50/50, although she thinks I spend more time with them than I do with her, and the reason why she thinks I spend too much time with them is because she doesn't like them. And because of that she doesn't like when I hang out with them. But, they were my boys long before I even met Brandi. She gets all bent out of shape whenever we kick it at the club. Basically, the issue is the same problem you had with your ex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrPhil
Some things are not so formulaic. Some months it will be 50/50, some months it will be 10/90, and so forth. When you and your friends (women and men) have something to talk about and a reason to hang out, do so as long as it does not require ignoring Brandi. There will be times you ignore your friends for Brandi because you want to spend more time with Brandi. Adults can handle that.
I also encourage you to have mutual friends including but not limited to couples. That also includes people who are really your friends but they love being around Brandi; and people who are really Brandi's friends but they love being around you. You can all hang out together as long as people do not get tired of "couples outings." That will require that you not bring your drama to the outings--no couples fights.
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I feel you, but my girl would trip if I really did kick it with my boys 90% of the time.
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