Alabama Sorority Costs...Can anyone help?

[Titchou]

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Titchou

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

If we take the OP at her word, the family doesn't have the money. I personally don't have any reason to doubt her. The costs she was told to expect turned out to be double at some chapters, and she just can't swing the higher cost.

I suspect she regrets not budgeting differently or whatever, but I'm not sure why you are so quick to conclude that she can "do whatever she has to do" to finance the sorority or that people who love their kids enough can afford anything the kid wants badly enough.

That's not my experience with money. Sometimes, I'm maxed out in terms of what I can spend and with rising concerns about student debt, one could conceivable be maxed out in terms of what you could safely borrow.

Your post here just seems mean spirited to me. I suspect she hates being in the position but can't magically produce the money to change the situation.

[Titchou]

UGAAlum94: You know, my Momie Dearest told me one time that what she hated the most about me was that I could do whatever I had to do. I took it as a compliment.

I would never have put my child in this position. I would rather have exercised more control over her choice of school than to tell her she couldn't have what her sibling had. My next door neighbors have 3 daughters. Father has a PhD in chemistry. Mother was no slouch either (she has passed away). All 3 girls were told from their youngest years that they would go to school wherever they got the best offer. ALL 3 got full rides - one getting early Med School acceptance too. And the parents paid for the extras. But all 3 danced, entered Miss Alabama, etc to get scholarships. All 3 made above 32 on their ACTs. So no one was short changed. And all 3 have gotten advanced degrees.. One is working on her THIRD masters. I'm just saying that as a parent you do what you have to do. You don't play favorites because you are going to lose that child if you do.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Titchou

UGAAlum94: You know, my Momie Dearest told me one time that what she hated the most about me was that I could do whatever I had to do. I took it as a compliment.

I would never have put my child in this position. I would rather have exercised more control over her choice of school than to tell her she couldn't have what her sibling had. My next door neighbors have 3 daughters. Father has a PhD in chemistry. Mother was no slouch either (she has passed away). All 3 girls were told from their youngest years that they would go to school wherever they got the best offer. ALL 3 got full rides - one getting early Med School acceptance too. And the parents paid for the extras. But all 3 danced, entered Miss Alabama, etc to get scholarships. All 3 made above 32 on their ACTs. So no one was short changed. And all 3 have gotten advanced degrees.. One is working on her THIRD masters. I'm just saying that as a parent you do what you have to do. You don't play favorites because you are going to lose that child if you do.

Well, ideally all parents would plan it out that much and the kids would work hard and be talented enough to earn the full ride, but often people's circumstances change through no fault of their own. Other kids don't have the raw material or testing skills to pull down 32+ ACTs, etc.

And I think what the OP here is experiencing is a sense of bait and switch. She thought she understood the costs based on the averages and believed she could pay them, and in good faith, she encourage the daughter to rush. But in the middle of the process, she began to understand that for some groups, the cost were virtually double what she could afford.

Personally, I don't think I would have gone the route of telling the daughter to rank based on cost. It puts the kid in a weird position of being at fault if she ends up with a group that costs too much. But the OP is just doing the best she can with the position she's in now, IMO.

I hope the daughter ends up happy with one of the less expensive groups and all will be well.

[Titchou]

[QUOTE=UGAalum94;2168269]Well, ideally all parents would plan it out that much and the kids would work hard and be talented enough to earn the full ride, but often people's circumstances change through no fault of their own. Other kids don't have the raw material or testing skills to pull down 32+ ACTs, etc.

QUOTE]

My intent was to say that the girls did things to find scholarship money like dancing, etc so that coupled with their grades they would be better positioned to get scholarships. You have to work all the angles because you don't know what's going to happen.

[AlphaFrog]

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

!!!!!

[MaggieXi]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

^^^This.^^^
Sometimes things happen financially - a job loss, a recession, that bonus you thought you were getting - your company can no longer afford, unforeseen medical costs. These "kids" are adults and these are real problems that many many families face. While parents might want to give their kids everything, sometimes, other things come first - like having a roof over their head, or medical insurance.
Maybe if kids understood that they are part of the family and that they may have to make sacrifices too sometimes, we wouldn't have a generation of super special snowflakes.
I've been watching this thread and I'm angered by what some people are implying and clearly some people are projecting their own family issues on this woman who is trying to do right by her daughter. And I'm sorry, shame on any Panhellenic who does not outline approximate (notice I said "approximate" so don't get all over me by saying you can't compare the costs because every chapter includes different things) costs prior to recruitment beginning so families can make a decision about what works for them and what their adult child should be responsible for. Someone give me a good reason why Panhellenic does not require all sororities to make their financial responsibilities (and what it includes/doesn't include) available prior to recruitment registration? (And don't say "thats how it is and always been in the SEC").

[pbear19]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

Yes, yes, yes!!! There were plenty of things I wanted in college but couldn't have because my parents couldn't afford it. I didn't fault them for it. I understood that they did the best they could with the money they had, and if I wanted more, I worked for it and earned the money myself. If this mom honestly thought that the cost of being in a sorority was X and it turned out to be X*2, she's not the worst mom on the planet and shouldn't be expected to go into all kinds of debt. We aren't talking about an extra $100, we're talking about thousands. I gather that some people in this thread have never really lived on a tight budget, but for some families, thousands of dollars a year can mean the difference between eating or not eating.

[Jen]

I always had savings as a teenager. I saved allowance, babysitting money, job money etc, and went to college with a savings account to pay for the things I wanted to do.

I'm kind of flabbergasted that the parents are expected to (or offer to!) pay for everything. Life will be a shock after college for these kids that have a free ride. Although maybe mom and dad are expected to pay for life after college too?

[IrishLake]

In agreement. Tichou, I think you're being harsh. Not everyone has the same opportunities. Not everyone has the same talents. Not everyone has the same smarts. Things like competative dance or pagaents are an expensive investment themselves. I've been unemployed. So has my husband. We know what it's like to make sacrifices. I had to make sacrifices so our kids could play soccer or take swim lessons. Soccer and swim are much more affordable for us versus gymnastics, dance or riding lessons. So we opt for the cheaper. We still are re-prioritizing a few hundred. Thousands are a much bigger deal. If I offered to ay for my daughters sorority dues, and I found out that the average was not indeed representative of the groups she had remaining as recruitment wore on, I would indeed encourage her to consider the cost. And if she still ended up with the most expensive group, I would offer to pay the amount that I originally had in mind. My daughter would be respnsible for the rest.

I also had a major where my advisors and professors said I wouldn't have time to have a job. We often took weekend field trips that ate into prime work hours. I still had 3. Two of them were only 3 hours a week each and I was able to study while I was working (computer lab monitor and dorm desk attendent). I would still encourage the OPs daughter to find something simple so she is able to contribute. (Oh, and my jobs are what paid for my dues. My parents offered nothing.)

[jll]

Originally Posted by Titchou

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

Wish I could honestly say what I think of you Titchou. But honestly it is so painfully obvious that you are not a parent and I for one say 'Amen' to that.

I have received many PM's from wonderful posters telling me that they understand my position. Several from UA parents directly. The system is flawed. No one should have to guess on the costs. We are not talking about +/- 10% or 20%, we are talking thousands of dollars.

Love has nothing to do with it...and how dare you to even think that love is apart of this. I will not justify my love for my kids to you Titchou...You are nothing but a bully, who is judgemental without having looked in the mirror.

I have three kids in college. ALL have stellar stats and large scholarships that allowed them to go where they pleased. However, my youngest decided to go to UA knowing that we may not be able to fund sorority life, like we did her sister. We thought that we knew the costs, and that we could afford it, with some sacrifice...unfortunately, even after calling Greek Life, the individual National sorority boards and asking Rho Chi's NO ONE can give us the costs of the first year for the basics for many of the houses. I am not looking for exact, but a ballpark figure would help. Not talking T's and zaps...just the fee's, etc.

Older D goes to a LARGE, competitive, well known University with a very large strong greek life. EVERY sorority has the cost to live in and live out posted on their website. EVERY chapter. I think that because of that most houses were very close in cost. No more than a $750 variance for the year between the lowest and highest of those w/ houses. We did not have to even consider cost because we knew we could afford it no matter what house she pledged.

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

I asked a simple question in good faith and very honestly I would do it again because of the wonderful amazing support and information I have gotten from those wise enough to understand.

Titchou you are everything that is sadly stereotypical about sorority life with none of the good. You really should stop posting because if you are representative of sorority life and what it upholds, then no one would join. I sincerely hope that whatever house my D pledges tomorrow it is not one where she would share membership with you.

Moderators...I apologize for my rant. I am done.

[DZsis&mom]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

Someone give me a good reason why Panhellenic does not require all sororities to make their financial responsibilities (and what it includes/doesn't include) available prior to recruitment registration? (And don't say "thats how it is and always been in the SEC").

Agree. FSU publishes this on their Greek Life Page under parent information. Why is it so difficult for all Panhellenics to do the same?

http://greeklife.fsu.edu/Documents/r...20Finances.pdf

[FSUZeta]

jll, while my daughter was working on her masters at Bama she had a part time job thru the university. She telephoned people from a list of names and asked them questions for a poll that I think a Social Science professor was conducting. The telephone bank manager was very flexible about working around each pollster's time constraints. It was an on campus job. That poll might still be being conducted. PM me if you might be interested in more info.

It had been recommended to my daughter that she not get a job, but it was necessary. I realize that there is a big difference in maturation and time management skills of a freshman and a first year graduate student, but it worked for my girl.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by jll

Wish I could honestly say what I think of you Titchou. But honestly it is so painfully obvious that you are not a parent and I for one say 'Amen' to that.

I have received many PM's from wonderful posters telling me that they understand my position. Several from UA parents directly. The system is flawed. No one should have to guess on the costs. We are not talking about +/- 10% or 20%, we are talking thousands of dollars.

Love has nothing to do with it...and how dare you to even think that love is apart of this. I will not justify my love for my kids to you Titchou...You are nothing but a bully, who is judgemental without having looked in the mirror.

I have three kids in college. ALL have stellar stats and large scholarships that allowed them to go where they pleased. However, my youngest decided to go to UA knowing that we may not be able to fund sorority life, like we did her sister. We thought that we knew the costs, and that we could afford it, with some sacrifice...unfortunately, even after calling Greek Life, the individual National sorority boards and asking Rho Chi's NO ONE can give us the costs of the first year for the basics for many of the houses. I am not looking for exact, but a ballpark figure would help. Not talking T's and zaps...just the fee's, etc.

Older D goes to a LARGE, competitive, well known University with a very large strong greek life. EVERY sorority has the cost to live in and live out posted on their website. EVERY chapter. I think that because of that most houses were very close in cost. No more than a $750 variance for the year between the lowest and highest of those w/ houses. We did not have to even consider cost because we knew we could afford it no matter what house she pledged.

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

I asked a simple question in good faith and very honestly I would do it again because of the wonderful amazing support and information I have gotten from those wise enough to understand.

Titchou you are everything that is sadly stereotypical about sorority life with none of the good. You really should stop posting because if you are representative of sorority life and what it upholds, then no one would join. I sincerely hope that whatever house my D pledges tomorrow it is not one where she would share membership with you.

Moderators...I apologize for my rant. I am done.

jll,

Fortunately, the hard-working and knowledgeable alums, actually serving as chapter advisors and assistants during the past two weeks, are busy with constructive tasks related to a successful recruitment, not heckling mothers online while telling new members what Jesus would do.

Speaking for my own chapter anyway.

Hope your daughter has a glorious bid day. All the best.