Alabama Sorority Costs...Can anyone help?

[Titchou]

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Titchou

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

If we take the OP at her word, the family doesn't have the money. I personally don't have any reason to doubt her. The costs she was told to expect turned out to be double at some chapters, and she just can't swing the higher cost.

I suspect she regrets not budgeting differently or whatever, but I'm not sure why you are so quick to conclude that she can "do whatever she has to do" to finance the sorority or that people who love their kids enough can afford anything the kid wants badly enough.

That's not my experience with money. Sometimes, I'm maxed out in terms of what I can spend and with rising concerns about student debt, one could conceivable be maxed out in terms of what you could safely borrow.

Your post here just seems mean spirited to me. I suspect she hates being in the position but can't magically produce the money to change the situation.

[jll]

Originally Posted by Titchou

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

Wish I could honestly say what I think of you Titchou. But honestly it is so painfully obvious that you are not a parent and I for one say 'Amen' to that.

I have received many PM's from wonderful posters telling me that they understand my position. Several from UA parents directly. The system is flawed. No one should have to guess on the costs. We are not talking about +/- 10% or 20%, we are talking thousands of dollars.

Love has nothing to do with it...and how dare you to even think that love is apart of this. I will not justify my love for my kids to you Titchou...You are nothing but a bully, who is judgemental without having looked in the mirror.

I have three kids in college. ALL have stellar stats and large scholarships that allowed them to go where they pleased. However, my youngest decided to go to UA knowing that we may not be able to fund sorority life, like we did her sister. We thought that we knew the costs, and that we could afford it, with some sacrifice...unfortunately, even after calling Greek Life, the individual National sorority boards and asking Rho Chi's NO ONE can give us the costs of the first year for the basics for many of the houses. I am not looking for exact, but a ballpark figure would help. Not talking T's and zaps...just the fee's, etc.

Older D goes to a LARGE, competitive, well known University with a very large strong greek life. EVERY sorority has the cost to live in and live out posted on their website. EVERY chapter. I think that because of that most houses were very close in cost. No more than a $750 variance for the year between the lowest and highest of those w/ houses. We did not have to even consider cost because we knew we could afford it no matter what house she pledged.

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

I asked a simple question in good faith and very honestly I would do it again because of the wonderful amazing support and information I have gotten from those wise enough to understand.

Titchou you are everything that is sadly stereotypical about sorority life with none of the good. You really should stop posting because if you are representative of sorority life and what it upholds, then no one would join. I sincerely hope that whatever house my D pledges tomorrow it is not one where she would share membership with you.

Moderators...I apologize for my rant. I am done.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by jll

Wish I could honestly say what I think of you Titchou. But honestly it is so painfully obvious that you are not a parent and I for one say 'Amen' to that.

I have received many PM's from wonderful posters telling me that they understand my position. Several from UA parents directly. The system is flawed. No one should have to guess on the costs. We are not talking about +/- 10% or 20%, we are talking thousands of dollars.

Love has nothing to do with it...and how dare you to even think that love is apart of this. I will not justify my love for my kids to you Titchou...You are nothing but a bully, who is judgemental without having looked in the mirror.

I have three kids in college. ALL have stellar stats and large scholarships that allowed them to go where they pleased. However, my youngest decided to go to UA knowing that we may not be able to fund sorority life, like we did her sister. We thought that we knew the costs, and that we could afford it, with some sacrifice...unfortunately, even after calling Greek Life, the individual National sorority boards and asking Rho Chi's NO ONE can give us the costs of the first year for the basics for many of the houses. I am not looking for exact, but a ballpark figure would help. Not talking T's and zaps...just the fee's, etc.

Older D goes to a LARGE, competitive, well known University with a very large strong greek life. EVERY sorority has the cost to live in and live out posted on their website. EVERY chapter. I think that because of that most houses were very close in cost. No more than a $750 variance for the year between the lowest and highest of those w/ houses. We did not have to even consider cost because we knew we could afford it no matter what house she pledged.

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

I asked a simple question in good faith and very honestly I would do it again because of the wonderful amazing support and information I have gotten from those wise enough to understand.

Titchou you are everything that is sadly stereotypical about sorority life with none of the good. You really should stop posting because if you are representative of sorority life and what it upholds, then no one would join. I sincerely hope that whatever house my D pledges tomorrow it is not one where she would share membership with you.

Moderators...I apologize for my rant. I am done.

jll,

Fortunately, the hard-working and knowledgeable alums, actually serving as chapter advisors and assistants during the past two weeks, are busy with constructive tasks related to a successful recruitment, not heckling mothers online while telling new members what Jesus would do.

Speaking for my own chapter anyway.

Hope your daughter has a glorious bid day. All the best.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

jll,

Fortunately, the hard-working and knowledgeable alums, actually serving as chapter advisors and assistants during the past two weeks, are busy with constructive tasks related to a successful recruitment, not heckling mothers online while telling new members what Jesus would do.

Speaking for my own chapter anyway.

Hope your daughter has a glorious bid day. All the best.

You have no idea what you are talking about here or who you are talking about. Just keep that in mind.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

You have no idea what you are talking about here or who you are talking about. Just keep that in mind.

This. Yes, this.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

You have no idea what you are talking about here or who you are talking about. Just keep that in mind.

Please keep in mind that I was speaking for my own chapter (as I noted). I would be embarrassed if one of our chapter advisors, for instance, represented us publicly in such a mean-spirited manner, even if via a seemingly anonymous screenname. This is just my opinion, of course.

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.

If she is active in the re-colonization of her chapter, or in other positions of importance within her GLO, then that’s lovely. Still, I can completely understand jll’s sentiment, considering the hurtful manner in which she was treated.

I think I may have a little insight on the behavior now, at least -- but thanks for the warning.

[UGAalum94]

I didn't think of it as a warning of anything. There's nothing bad to come, except maybe your embarrassment when you realize how far you are off about at lot of stuff in that comment.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

I didn't think of it as a warning of anything. There's nothing bad to come, except maybe your embarrassment when you realize how far you are off about at lot of stuff in that comment.

If I have either the chapter or university wrong, then by all means correct my understanding.

Otherwise, I have responded to the behavior I witnessed on this thread, and what I observed regarding that chapter’s closure during my own time at UofA.

If this person is in a position of importance in her own organization, then she should be embarrassed, not I. I’m obviously not familiar with the culture of this forum, or with the meaning of foreboding insider comments regarding her identity, but who she is matters little. Bullying is bullying, and bystanders are bystanders, wherever it occurs.

Perhaps some who have been immersed in the culture of this forum have become desensitized to heckling and personal attacks, and don’t realize how this plays to newcomers and infrequent visitors.

And yes, I understand that pointing it out and advocating for the vulnerable party is not advisable in such a culture – it works much the same on a playground.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Please keep in mind that I was speaking for my own chapter (as I noted). I would be embarrassed if one of our chapter advisors, for instance, represented us publicly in such a mean-spirited manner, even if via a seemingly anonymous screenname. This is just my opinion, of course.

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.

If she is active in the re-colonization of her chapter, or in other positions of importance within her GLO, then that’s lovely. Still, I can completely understand jll’s sentiment, considering the hurtful manner in which she was treated.

I think I may have a little insight on the behavior now, at least -- but thanks for the warning.

Pot, meet kettle.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec;2168590
[SIZE=3

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.[/SIZE]

Maybe they could have also used help from the other sororities on campus not talking shit about them. (Which I'm assuming you did then since you're still doing it now.)

You really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Maybe they could have also used help from the other sororities on campus not talking shit about them. (Which I'm assuming you did then since you're still doing it now.)

You really need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

That's possible, 33girl. I don't know what caused the chapter to dwindle and close, though they had apparently been struggling for some time.

I never witnessed a girl in that chapter being heckled, though if I had, I surely would have spoken up in her defense. I just stink at joining in and piling on with that sort of behavior.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by jll

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

This is the crux of it. Everyone saying "oh, everyone lost money in the last few years, things are not secure anymore, life changes blah blah blah...." that has nothing to do with it, and I don't think jll ever tried to play that card. She simply didn't inform herself well enough in advance, and/or misinterpreted the info she was given (to quote one of my "becoming a woman" books, normal isn't the same thing as average). As a result, she is stuck in an impossible situation.

My original answer still stands. If you have to tell your daughter that she can't afford certain chapters, and her working is really not an option, she should drop out of rush altogether ASAP. It will be much more heartbreaking for her - not to mention her sisters to be - if she grows to love sorority life and then 5 weeks into pledging, realizes she has to drop out because of the fees.

It would be one thing if she was choosing a dorm, and some were more expensive than others, and you had to say "you can live in dorm a or b but not c, d, or e." Sorority rush simply does not work that way.