Friend zone or endzone????

[cheerfulgreek]

For me, it's a lot more than just "chemistry". I just like to make sure that what I'm feeling is real, and not just lust based on good "physical chemistry". I don’t base it just on chemistry after a few dates, because mutual attraction (to me) and/or being deeply in like, neither of these will last past the first major conflict. This is why I do my homework, which takes time. To me, love is not controlled by emotion/chemistry. Contrary to popular thought, I believe love is driven by the decisions of the people involved. Although, I believe that similarities are important, love or how you feel about that person is ruled by the strength of your commitment to your partner, not by what he does or says to stimulate it. While love can grow or diminish based upon what each partner does, I think its consistency should remain grounded in your decision to love, not just based on "chemistry". Love requires you to use your mind as well as your heart. Just because you felt "chemistry" and have committed to each other does not guarantee the relationship will last if you and your partner don’t work at maintaining what you started. Love (to me) isn’t sustained my chemistry, it is maintained by the little things you did, and the way you treated each other when you were still trying to impress/win each other. I just think that it's those little things that you did in the beginning (and continuing to do those things) that establish strong connections and keep love grounded.

With the kindness part, I look for a kind-hearted man with leadership qualities. I do not like passive men. If he's passive about taking the lead (not relying on me to make all the decisions), then he will be passive about other things that are important to me as well. Such as pursuing employment, promotion, or anything else that will move his life forward. I also don't like the so called "bad boy". They are also lame, to me. You should not have to spend the entire courtship telling your partner how to be kind to you. You train children and influence adults –there is a difference. I am not going to be put in a position of being a man's mother, because he already has one. So if the basics are not in place, and he is getting more out of the relationship than I am, then it's time to replace him with someone else. That's just my opinion on it, but to each its own.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I do not like passive men. If he's passive about taking the lead (not relying on me to make all the decisions), then he will be passive about other things that are important to me as well. Such as pursuing employment, promotion, or anything else that will move his life forward. I also don't like the so called "bad boy". They are also lame, to me. You should not have to spend the entire courtship telling your partner how to be kind to you. You train children and influence adults –there is a difference. I am not going to be put in a position of being a man's mother, because he already has one. So if the basics are not in place, and he is getting more out of the relationship than I am, then it's time to replace him with someone else. That's just my opinion on it, but to each its own.