Marshall Tri-Sigma Lawsuit

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by DZsis&mom

Why is it embarrassing for a parent to step in and assist their child in a situation that seemed to be spiraling out of control?

Mom didn't 'step in and assist' her daughter - she took over. She went to her daughter's sorority's HQ when it wasn't her place to do so. Her daughter will never learn to manage adult issues if she's never given the opportunity.

I work daily with college students, and I'm all too often stunned and appalled by their behavior and that of their parents. I've seen parents set their kids' college schedules; I've seen/fielded emails/phone calls from parents asking why their kid didn't get a better grade, or asking to be excused from class meetings; I've witnessed parents going through graduation fairs or job fairs to get information or fill out paperwork/applications for their kid; and yes, I've even seen parents accompany their recent graduates to on-campus job interviews. I can only imagine what happens once Little Darling is hired.

The amount of heli-parenting is out of control. Too many parents feel like they're helping their kids by 'stepping in to assist' when in reality, they're simply delaying the growth that needs to happen. This is creating a generation of kids who can't do things on their own, yet feel entitled to everything they want.

I guess what's sad to me is that Generation Y seems content to have their adulthood delayed by their own parents, and don't seem to be embarrassed when their parents interfere to the degree they do. (Yes, I'm generalizing. I'm aware there are self-sufficient GenY-ers out there. And they're a breath of fresh air.)

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

MThe amount of heli-parenting is out of control. Too many parents feel like they're helping their kids by 'stepping in to assist' when in reality, they're simply delaying the growth that needs to happen. This is creating a generation of kids who can't do things on their own, yet feel entitled to everything they want.

As an attorney who practices family law, I've noticed this a lot in divorce cases. The parent's (or parents') over-involvement in intimate marital issues can often contribute to the breakdown of a relationship. I had a custody case recently where I represented a father. I never heard from him but his mother called 2-3 times a week. We finally took the case to mediation and settled it. The next day, his mother called and fired me! I guess they're still going at it, though mother has a pretty binding mediation agreement which was probably what would have happened had we spent the thousands of dollars and heartache it takes to go to trial over custody.

The difference between shielding your child from everything which could possibly cause them harm or discomfort and letting them learn to fight their own battles is not a subtle one.

If you as a parent have no problem "protecting" your child from her sorority, which she could quit and leave at any point, what's to say that 10 years from now, when they're married, you're not going to be that mom who prods her child to produce grandchildren she doesn't want? Who needles at the husband for not making enough money or being successful enough? Where are you going to draw that line? If someone is saying it's fine 'n dandy to repair to sorority HQ to breathe down the necks of national officers about their daughter's potential issues, perhaps that person hasn't really thought much about where that line might be.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Kevin

As an attorney who practices family law, I've noticed this a lot in divorce cases. The parent's (or parents') over-involvement in intimate marital issues can often contribute to the breakdown of a relationship. I had a custody case recently where I represented a father. I never heard from him but his mother called 2-3 times a week. We finally took the case to mediation and settled it. The next day, his mother called and fired me! I guess they're still going at it, though mother has a pretty binding mediation agreement which was probably what would have happened had we spent the thousands of dollars and heartache it takes to go to trial over custody.

Whoa, wait, let me get this straight. You had a custody case where two parents were fighting over custody of a child, let's call him Buddy. The woman who called you is Buddy's GRANDMOTHER?!?!

That's unreal. She probably called the wife to make sure her son was getting enough BJs every week.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Whoa, wait, let me get this straight. You had a custody case where two parents were fighting over custody of a child, let's call him Buddy. The woman who called you is Buddy's GRANDMOTHER?!?!

It's definitely not unusual for grandparents to be involved in their kids' custody cases. Keep in mind, if lawyers and judges are involved in your divorce, it's probably a pretty high conflict divorce. Over-involved grandparents are a major cause of high conflict divorce. Also, those over-involved grandparents are often the folks paying the attorney fees as older folks tend to be in better financial positions than their children.

It's not even unusual for grandparents to try and obtain custody for themselves over a grandchild, using their own still-attached children as pawns in a game over control.

Heli-parenting is a huge problem in our culture. The fact that I see more colleges, businesses, etc., looking to accommodate this behavior rather than correcting it is pretty troubling.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I guess what's sad to me is that Generation Y seems content to have their adulthood delayed by their own parents, and don't seem to be embarrassed when their parents interfere to the degree they do. (Yes, I'm generalizing. I'm aware there are self-sufficient GenY-ers out there. And they're a breath of fresh air.)

This is the part that absolutely slays me and is like a foreign language. Over in the Planned Parenthood thread I said that I had insurance that would have covered BC but never used it because I didn't want my parents to find out. I'm sure there's some Gen-Y girl reading that and saying "why would she do that?"

I was an only child and quite overprotected (for the time) and it took a LONG while till I got to the point where I could rebel. I don't think it's healthy when children can't do at least a little of that.