Virgin Diaries

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

^^^^That's the part about not kissing that I don't get. You haven't done ANYTHING except hold hands and then BAM, you're going from zero to EVERYTHING in 24 hours. That's enough to cause a panic attack itself.

I remember reading on a SUPER evangelical blog about a girl who wouldn't even allow herself to hold hands or ANYTHING with her fiance until marriage. They had a "purity" ruler that they used to make sure they were at least 12 inches apart at all times. Like, they couldn't even sit next to each other and hug while watching a movie. Her reasoning was that "it's too tempting."

For the life of me I do not understand what is so potentially tempting about sitting next to someone. If you're seriously tempted to lewd thoughts by sitting next to someone, you have bigger problems.

I get the point of not having sex. Really, as a Christian, I do. I just don't get what is being proved by being extra with it and cutting out other things that in themselves aren't tempting (ex: kissing or holding hands.)

I also don't get the general rush into marriage that comes with abstinence (yes, I know that's not everyone but that's just been my experience with younger couples living.) Like, you think Suzy is being "unGodly" by having premarital sex and living with her boyfriend. Yet couples rush into a LIFETIME commitment with the primary goal of it being so you can do the same thing? Hmm.

I guess what I'm saying is that the point of your abstinence shouldn't be ZOMG I NEED TO FIND A HUBBY AND GET LAID BEFORE 25. I think it's meant to be something more meaningful than that. Otherwise why bother? (does that make sense?)

But then again, I'm also a pretty big hippie as far as Christians go and I go to a church full of the most non-conservative people you will ever meet, so you have to take my crazy opinions with a grain of salt. I've also lead youth groups before so as you can imagine, I've spent a whole lot of time talking about sex and God (more than I would like to.) lol.

Was it Katrina? I follow a few "fundie" blogs. It's a very interesting culture. The infamous Duggars (of 19 kids and Counting) preach no kissing/hugging/sex before marriage. Their TN friends, the Bates, just had their oldest son enter into a "courtship" and nope, not allowed to touch. At All.

And yes, they are expected to go from 0-60 on their wedding night, get pregnant right away and keep reproducing. Many are part of the "Quiverful" movement (though some refuse to accept the label) but the basic theory is to allow God to open and close your womb. The name comes from the bible scripture that says blessed are the men whose quivers are full (of arrows? Children? It's all so interesting.)

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Was it Katrina? I follow a few "fundie" blogs. It's a very interesting culture. The infamous Duggars (of 19 kids and Counting) preach no kissing/hugging/sex before marriage. Their TN friends, the Bates, just had their oldest son enter into a "courtship" and nope, not allowed to touch. At All.

And yes, they are expected to go from 0-60 on their wedding night, get pregnant right away and keep reproducing. Many are part of the "Quiverful" movement (though some refuse to accept the label) but the basic theory is to allow God to open and close your womb. The name comes from the bible scripture that says blessed are the men whose quivers are full (of arrows? Children? It's all so interesting.)

That may have been her.

The "not ever allowed to be alone together before marriage" weirds me out too. Ex: one girl I read about has to be chaperoned at all times by her parents or a sibling until the wedding.

Not even that they want to be alone so they can have sex, but sometimes you might want to have an important marriage related conversation without other people around.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I think there is something wrong with the actual purity balls themselves and not just with the people behind the purity balls. Therefore, I also think it is possible for there to be something wrong with certain types of purity pledges beyond just the people behind the purity pledges.

Fair enough.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Is this a dad-daughter thing or just a concerned parent thing?

My other concerned parent was not a subject in the post so she was not mentioned. (Stereo)Typically, it is the father who would rather gouge his eyes out than think about his little girl having sex than the mother (or she hides her panic better, either one).

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

No, but the culture that has allowed the pledges, purity balls, and other such things to flourish thrives off of making sex something dirty or bad.

True at times.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The "not ever allowed to be alone together before marriage" weirds me out too. Ex: one girl I read about has to be chaperoned at all times by her parents or a sibling until the wedding.

This weekend, I found out this is what it was like for our pastor and his wife during the entire TWO YEARS of their relationship (2005-2007) before they were married. If they were ever alone together, his parents were constantly calling to ask when he was coming home because it's getting to be too late to be out with his girlfriend. I don't get that but it's not mine to get, I suppose.

So I'm back from my retreat with my "holy heathens" (who actually aren't that heatheny at all ) and I was shocked at how many of the older teen girls actually want to wait till marriage but didn't want to discuss it with their parents. One even said she wanted to buy a purity ring but didn't want her mom to know about it because of the huge deal her mom would make. I thought of this thread and asked if they felt pressure to keep the boys at bay like not having sex was only the girls' responsibility--the YES was epic. They didn't feel that message from the church but just from the world in general and were resentful. The girls felt that the decision to have sex or not have sex shouldn't be about their "responsibility as young ladies," but rather an independent decision--and whatever they choose should not be a reflection of everyone who has helped raise them but rather earn them respect as individuals who can make decisions for their own lives. That amount of decision-making and taking control of their own lives and behavior was way more impressive to me than the waiting itself. I was proud of them all.

I wish stuff like this was on TV. We were bantering about this till 2am and it would have made for GREAT ratings. These girls are hilarious.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

My other concerned parent was not a subject in the post so she was not mentioned. (Stereo)Typically, it is the father who would rather gouge his eyes out than think about his little girl having sex than the mother (or she hides her panic better, either one).

Your mother was not the one who put the ring on you. I was asking whether it was significant that your father, and not just either parent, was the one who put the ring on you; and why you felt that was of particular pride for him as a father as opposed to being of pride to a parent, in general (i.e., would your father be more proud than if your mother had done it). Why do you think fathers (in general) care about their daughters having sex; and daughters (in general) care about their fathers' approval?

The answer to my question gets into why that is multiplied into an extreme and those creepy father-daughter purity balls exist. Cringe.

Originally Posted by christiangirl

The girls felt that the decision to have sex or not have sex shouldn't be about their "responsibility as young ladies," but rather an independent decision--and whatever they choose should not be a reflection of everyone who has helped raise them but rather earn them respect as individuals who can make decisions for their own lives. That amount of decision-making and taking control of their own lives and behavior was way more impressive to me than the waiting itself. I was proud of them all.

I love this and especially the bolded.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Your mother was not the one who put the ring on you. I was asking whether it was significant that your father, and not just either parent, was the one who put the ring on you; and why you felt that was of particular pride for him as a father as opposed to being of pride to a parent, in general (i.e., would your father be more proud than if your mother had done it). Why do you think fathers (in general) care about their daughters having sex; and daughters (in general) care about their fathers' approval?

Maybe because...that's part of "becoming a woman" (or so they say) and fathers tend to get more panicked about daughters doing things that are grown. "Daddy's little girl" and all that. Not that it isn't a mother's job to encourage her daughter not to do things she is not mature enough to do but society tends to push father's toward that role. Mama bears get riled up about lots of other things.

Hmmm...I'll have to think about the bolded. My first reaction was "Because he was the one who was home" but maybe I wouldn't have asked my mother if she had been home. Or maybe I would have...I've never really thought about it. No, he would not have been more proud than my mother (I don't think) so I'm not sure what it meant to me.

Ugh, now I have to figure out what was going on in my head almost a decade ago. Whatchu dodat fo'?