Gay alumni

[DTD Alum]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Well, right, I shouldn't put words in your mouth, but if we are hijacking the thread to educate posters about privilege, it's fair to note that heteronormative is just one of many.



Maybe not, but certainly people of color are faced with similar decisions in non-face-to-face communications that I would consider analogous, and certainly there are times that they avoid certain conversation topics because of how it would be viewed by the majority group.

Clearly heteronormatism is not the only type of privilege that exists, but I just hate when people lump all types of discrimination in one pile. All minorities face some sort of discrimination or lack of privilege, but they are not all the same experiences (despite having some commonalities, to be sure). I think it is just as important to point out the differences in discrimination that a gay person might have vs. an African-American, a deaf person, a Mormon, etc.

For example, you mentioned Judaism in your original post. Certainly there is still plenty of prejudice and anti-Semitism in the world, but a Jewish person is not going to be met with a comment like, "I mean jeez, enough already, we get she's Jewish, why doesn't she shut up about it" by simply saying, "Oh, sorry I'm late, synagogue went a little late," whereas a gay woman may very well get that reaction simply by discussing a date with her girlfriend or wife. On the other hand, a gay man is not necessarily going to have his application to the Wasp-y country club tossed aside based on his last name like a Jewish man might. I think the differences in the plight a minority faces are fair game for discussing individually, and shouldn't have to be lumped into a pile of, "We get discriminated against too!!!".

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by DTD Alum

a Jewish person is not going to be met with a comment like, "I mean jeez, enough already, we get she's Jewish, why doesn't she shut up about it" by simply saying, "Oh, sorry I'm late, synagogue went a little late,"

I disagree. I've gotten precisely that reaction for having the nerve to call my department's Christmas party a holiday party instead.

You can parse minor differences all you want, in how one's minority status may or may not make itself known, but I don't think there is any group that doesn't have to think about what they do/do not say in interactions with the majority group. If you don't have to think about it, that is a privilege. That is all I mean to point out.

[shirley1929]

I have to say, I love this conversation!

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Do you think he would walk into the meetings/gatherings and automatically say "hello, I am homosexual....?" Perhaps he would say something that heterosexuals say all of the time "my life partner/or significant other/or boyfriend/or husband, Tom, and I went to an awesome new restaurant today..." and that is how the "announcement" would happen.

I was just about to get more specific and ask what he meant by:

Originally Posted by midwest00alum

do I be upfront and let people know I'm gay right when I meet them, or do I just let that fact be known to people subtly as I get to know them?

But then I realized he said this in his 2nd post:

Originally Posted by midwest00alum

Front-loading people about it could make for one awkward moment, but at least I'd have the chance to plan what to say, and I'd find out a lot about their receptivity, and we'd get all those difficult conversations over with, and the air would be clear when all of that is done. That's sort of the proactive way of doing it.

So yes, I felt like he was building up to a sort of proclamation. Do I think it's necessary? No, but if it helps him comfortable right off the bat, then great.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I disagree. I've gotten precisely that reaction for having the nerve to call my department's Christmas party a holiday party instead.

You can parse minor differences all you want, in how one's minority status may or may not make itself known, but I don't think there is any group that doesn't have to think about what they do/do not say in interactions with the majority group. If you don't have to think about it, that is a privilege. That is all I mean to point out.

What does an African American person have to hold back on when interacting with a group? Sorry, guys, I was out being black so I'm running late?

Yes, groups get discriminated against, but like DTD Alum said, all situations don't boil down to "insert minority group here."