What teachers really want to tell parents.

[SWTXBelle]

"Digesting it" and "consider" does not equal take without question. I think the article is addressing those parents who reject it out of hand. "MY son would never throw anything! You are the teacher; you take care of it. That's why I pay you." (Actual quote from a parent.)

And I doubt that if the doctor gave you an opinion you would turn to the nurse and say "Is that true?". There's a big difference between challenging a teacher's veracity and asking for clarification. Once you have essentially called the teacher a liar it is going to be very difficult to have an "actual discussion".

Yes, you as a parent should question. Yes, you should bring your knowledge and experience to the table. But this is not a society that values teachers, and that is often shown by the dismissive tone some parents will employ. Tone, tone, tone. Show the teacher respect - the teacher should do the same.

[BetteDavisEyes]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

"Digesting it" and "consider" does not equal take without question. I think the article is addressing those parents who reject it out of hand. "MY son would never throw anything! You are the teacher; you take care of it. That's why I pay you." (Actual quote from a parent.)

And I doubt that if the doctor gave you an opinion you would turn to the nurse and say "Is that true?". There's a big difference between challenging a teacher's veracity and asking for clarification. Once you have essentially called the teacher a liar it is going to be very difficult to have an "actual discussion".

Yes, you as a parent should question. Yes, you should bring your knowledge and experience to the table. But this is not a society that values teachers, and that is often shown by the dismissive tone some parents will employ. Tone, tone, tone. Show the teacher respect - the teacher should do the same.

Agree. Agree. Agree. Marry me?


When parents are open to discussing with me the areas of concern I have, then we can have open dialogue to survey and hopefully address (fix) the situation. It's difficult when parents come in openly hostile and aggressive because they feel I am picking on their precious snowflake. Apparently, I am being excessively difficult and demanding when I expect my students to keep their shoes on, not hit, not bite, not fight, clean up after themselves, etc. I had one parent actually complain about me saying I was unreasonable with my expectations of student behavior.

[AlphaFrog]

My best friend from highschool posted this on FB. This was my reply:

As a parent, I wish more parents got this.

Remember the days when it was the STUDENT that was nervous and scared to bring home a bad note/test grade/etc and not the teacher who was scared to send it? I didn't for the most part behave well because of what the teachers would do to me...I was scared of what my parents would do to me.

I've told my daughter's teacher that I want to be told of any problems she has with Mariana. Of course, as she pointed out, it's the parents with my attitude that don't need to worry about their kids.

One final thought about the article...in the case of the parent asking the child "Is this true?", there is probably a better way to phrase it, but I'd ask my child something similar not because I didn't believe the teacher, but I would want my child to acknowledge the mistake/situation.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

One final thought about the article...in the case of the parent asking the child "Is this true?", there is probably a better way to phrase it, but I'd ask my child something similar not because I didn't believe the teacher, but I would want my child to acknowledge the mistake/situation.

Yeah, it's more like "tell me what happened today to make you get red card/timeout/note from Ms. Teacher" or something like that.

Not asking if it's true, just getting their story on what happened. Kids don't always see where something they were doing is wrong and it gives you a starting point to address it.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The "take it as you would a lawyer or Dr's advice" thing is kind of weird just because even with those types of matters, people consult more than one Dr. or laywer all the time and it's normal.

If something a teacher says raises an eyebrow, then I would definitely talk to maybe another trusted education professional that you may know.

Ex: A friend of mine's daughter who had a teacher who labeled her as having autism and needing to be placed in the classroom with children with intensive special needs. It raised an eyebrow with her as the only delays the child had were speech related. She consulted some other specialists who tested her and determined that it was a hearing issue causing her not to speak. Not autism as the teacher strongly suggested.

So I agree that it's normal and healthy to seek out multiple opinions.

Ugh, teachers need to not diagnose. Making referrals, expressing concerns, reporting behavior/capabilities/etc are all fine, but diagnostic professionals need to diagnose. (Parents should do the same, notice behaviors, express concerns, even do research but not diagnose. And of course seek a second opinion if red flags are raised. It's just worse when the teacher as authority figure does it.)

Without being a parent or a teacher, I'm going to guess that there's some truth in both 'sides' of the story. Some parents need to listen more and defend their child less, some need to question the teacher more or seek a second opinion particularly if something doesn't seem right.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Ugh, teachers need to not diagnose. Making referrals, expressing concerns, reporting behavior/capabilities/etc are all fine, but diagnostic professionals need to diagnose. (Parents should do the same, notice behaviors, express concerns, even do research but not diagnose. And of course seek a second opinion if red flags are raised. It's just worse when the teacher as authority figure does it.)

I don't think he was comparing the teacher to a doctor in that sense...more that he was saying most people don't assume that drs or lawyers are going to be wrong (or they wouldn't be paying them). That a teacher is also a professional who knows their job and many people don't treat them as such.

[IndianaSigKap]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Yeah, it's more like "tell me what happened today to make you get red card/timeout/note from Ms. Teacher" or something like that.

Not asking if it's true, just getting their story on what happened. Kids don't always see where something they were doing is wrong and it gives you a starting point to address it.

This is so true. As a teacher, I have noticed that sometimes what one student sees as inappropriate behavior another student deems completely appropriate. In high school, I see this more and more.

Example: Student A says something to Student B that seems harmless to A. However B felt offended/ridiculed/bullied etc. Teacher intervenes and A truly has no idea that he or she has done anything wrong. But after sitting down with and talking it out, A realizes how the comments might have been hurtful.

[SWTXBelle]

The whole "Well, we're only getting the teacher's side; we should get parents, too and then find out what is REALLY happening" thing reminds me of those who say "Well, it takes two to divorce". No. It takes two to make a marriage WORK; one ass can destroy a marriage.

You did get a parents' perspective. I am the mother of 4 in addition to being a teacher so -ta da! There you go. The difference is that as a parent you only know what your child tells you; you are not THERE at the school seeing what happens. A parent is not in a position equal to the teacher in terms of 1.) seeing the bigger picture of class and school dynamics and 2.) actually BEING THERE. It does make a difference. One also hopes that teachers have the benefit of their education. Yes, you may disagree with a doctor, but if you discount out of hand what his/her experience and training bring to his/her evaluation you do yourself a disservice. You don't go to webMD and decide you know better; you go to another doctor. If you cannot resolve the problem with the teacher, you to to the administration. If they can't resolve it, you change teachers or change schools. You may chose to home school. I've done all of the above.

While there are indeed awful teachers who are a disgrace to the profession and who should be FIRED they are the minority. As I noted before, the entitlement being addressed in the article is something we see manifest right here on Greek Chat - why would you think that the same heliparents who are here giving sororities and their members hell wouldn't do the same to the teachers of their children?

eta - And the attitude being expressed by some on this thread to teachers? Absolutely what the article is addressing. Teachers are not the enemy.

[MysticCat]

Slow to the party.

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

And I doubt that if the doctor gave you an opinion you would turn to the nurse and say "Is that true?". There's a big difference between challenging a teacher's veracity and asking for clarification. Once you have essentially called the teacher a liar it is going to be very difficult to have an "actual discussion".

SWTXBelle, I agree wholeheartedly with most of what you've said in this thread (and have strived to be the parent you describe as a partner), and I agree mostly with the article, but I can't go with this. Your example is seriously apples and oranges. The teacher is relating a fact, and the hypothetical parent is essentially asking the child to confirm (or deny or explain) the fact. Facts are facts are facts.

The doctor you posit, on the other hand, is offering an opinion. It's his opinion whether the nurse agrees with it or not and regardless of whether it is accurate. Opinions are not facts.

Originally Posted by AGDee

Honestly, I would take the "Is that true?" to mean "You should know better, I can't believe you did that you little monster!" sort of like "What were you thinking???" or "You DIDN'T!"
But I guess it's all about the tone of voice.

Well, my inclination would be to treat it like "how do you plead: Guilty or Not Guilty?," but yeah, this.

And for the record, this is exactly what I have done on occasion. And the few times I've gotten "No, I didn't," I've followed it with something along the lines of "Well, I know Teacher wouldn't tell me something that's not true," coupled with a reminder to the child on the importance of telling the truth and a do-over. The point is not to insinuate that the teacher is a liar. The point is to require the child to own responsibility by saying "Yes, I did that."