Inviting a +1 to a wedding

[agzg]

Originally Posted by angels&angles

Seriously, is it something in my generation's water?! I've been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years now, so I kind of assume most people know I would like to bring him, but it still makes me nervous for those people that DO know etiquette and are not putting +1 because (gasp), they don't want me to bring anyone!

I mostly call other guests with boyfriends and see what's on their card, if none have bf's name or plus one, I go ahead and take BF, but if they do, I assume I should go alone. It is an imperfect system, for sure.

They should be addressing the invitation to you and your boyfriend both if you're both invited, since you've been together longer than a year now.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by agzg

They should be addressing the invitation to you and your boyfriend both if you're both invited, since you've been together longer than a year now.

Not to mention living together. But yep.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Not to mention living together. But yep.

Oh I missed that they were living together. Yes - a live-in boyfriend/girlfriend should AT LEAST get a +1 invite, but the most polite is to address the invitation to both you + boyfriend or girlfriend.

Unless they don't want the boyfriend/girlfriend there. In which case, forget about the invite all together.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by agzg

They should be addressing the invitation to you and your boyfriend both if you're both invited, since you've been together longer than a year now.

Originally Posted by agzg

Oh I missed that they were living together. Yes - a live-in boyfriend/girlfriend should AT LEAST get a +1 invite, but the most polite is to address the invitation to both you + boyfriend or girlfriend.

Unless they don't want the boyfriend/girlfriend there. In which case, forget about the invite all together.

Alright so here is a question/scenario:

One of my chapter sisters is getting married this next year. She and her husband-to-be don't have that much saved up for the wedding and are cutting costs by not allowing anyone other than the bridesmaids/groomsmen to have dates. This includes significant others of guests even if you are living together/engaged/serious relationship, unless the sig other was also good friends with the couple (basically would have been invited anyway even if y'all weren't a couple).

Mainly I'm bringing this up because we found this info out yesterday and I'm feeling confused. While I understand that they want close friends and family there, a few of the sisters (myself included) live with our boyfriends/fiancee and have all been together for over a year. It is also more or less a destination wedding that is about 2-3 hours minimum from everyone, in snow country in snow season. I'd rather not drive alone.

Does this make sense/is it weird?

[33girl]

It does kind of make sense. Having been to a few weddings along these lines, I'm also betting that it was a pulling teeth fight with the families to get even sisters on the guest list.

If you want to go, get all the sisters together and drive there together. If you don't want to go because of the SO omission, that's your prerogative too. But don't bring a date if you've been told it's not OK.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If you want to go, get all the sisters together and drive there together. If you don't want to go because of the SO omission, that's your prerogative too. But don't bring a date if you've been told it's not OK.

This, though the destination aspect of it can also be an excuse for not going.

And I'll just say it: I'm not a fan of destination weddings. And the idea of on one hand not having much money for the wedding and so cutting costs by limiting guests, while on the other hand having a destination wedding is . . . odd . . . to me.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

This, though the destination aspect of it can also be an excuse for not going.

And I'll just say it: I'm not a fan of destination weddings. And the idea of on one hand not having much money for the wedding and so cutting costs by limiting guests, while on the other hand having a destination wedding is . . . odd . . . to me.

I don't think she means that it's a destination in the sense of going to a resort or Bermuda or something, rather that it basically becomes that for everyone not from the town it's in because it's a long ass drive to BFE.

We had a sister wedding like that that was almost at the NY border. Fine for her family but awful for her friends, none of whom were from there, and in the middle of nowhere. And no alcohol and just h'ors d'ouvres.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Alright so here is a question/scenario:

One of my chapter sisters is getting married this next year. She and her husband-to-be don't have that much saved up for the wedding and are cutting costs by not allowing anyone other than the bridesmaids/groomsmen to have dates. This includes significant others of guests even if you are living together/engaged/serious relationship, unless the sig other was also good friends with the couple (basically would have been invited anyway even if y'all weren't a couple).

Mainly I'm bringing this up because we found this info out yesterday and I'm feeling confused. While I understand that they want close friends and family there, a few of the sisters (myself included) live with our boyfriends/fiancee and have all been together for over a year. It is also more or less a destination wedding that is about 2-3 hours minimum from everyone, in snow country in snow season. I'd rather not drive alone.

Does this make sense/is it weird?

It's weird. It's especially weird that the bridesmaids/groomsmen can have dates but no one else. In my opinion. bringing a +1 that isn't your significant other is awkward anyway when you're in the wedding party because you don't have much time to hang with them and might not even sit with them at dinner.

To be honest, if I were in your situation and concerned about driving alone I would decline the invitation with regrets and send a gift. But, live-in and I have been together for longer than a lot of the couples we're seeing getting married right now anyway, so there's no logical reason not to invite both of us.

I understand cutting costs, but I would do it a different way - limit "primary" guests to very close friends (and obviously family), then allow them to bring their significant other, if they have one. The whole chapter would not get an invitation.

[33girl]

Also, be prepared to hear at the last minute "oh it's OK to bring SO" after they have gotten the declinations from Aunt Agatha who HAD to be asked but who hasn't left her house in 60 years.

[DreamfulSpirit]

This thread should probably be moved to the Dating and Relationships forum as there are already plenty of wedding threads going on over there.