Her Peeps

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I was reading some of the comments about parents being involved. I disagree, because your parents are your covering until you get married. It's just that they have better insight than you have (if you have parents who care about you). I mean, this might not always be to your liking, but it is always for your own good. This is true no matter what you think of them (provided that you have good parents). Your parents love you, they know you, and they want the best for you. Honestly, when it comes to choosing a mate, it's not brain surgery to figure out why their counsel in this area is invaluable. First of all, they are not in love with your significant other, so they can see him objectively. Second, they know and love you, so they are sensitive to what your needs are -what will work for you, and what will hinder you. So, when your parents speak on the matter of a mate, you need to listen to them instead of being dumb and relying on your own decisions.

I had great, wise parents who cared about me and my siblings deeply, and a primary way they showed this was by raising to us make our own decisions. I certainly never considered them as "covering" me until I got married (at age 27). What you describe was not my experience, nor would I want it to have been, nor do I want it to be my experience with my children.

I see what you're trying to say, but I frankly I think it's useless advice, especially on the internet. If this is how it is for you and your parents, great. But so much of what you assume about parents and their relationship with their children can vary widely, even among "good" and "wise" parents.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I had great, wise parents who cared about me and my siblings deeply, and a primary way they showed this was by raising to us make our own decisions. I certainly never considered them as "covering" me until I got married (at age 27). What you describe was not my experience, nor would I want it to have been, nor do I want it to be my experience with my children.

I see what you're trying to say, but I frankly I think it's useless advice, especially on the internet. If this is how it is for you and your parents, great. But so much of what you assume about parents and their relationship with their children can vary widely, even among "good" and "wise" parents.

You said what I was trying to say a little better than I did.

Not every parental recommendation is always a good one, and often reflects the reality our parents grew up in. I'll use myself as an example, taking out the dating and relationship aspect. For the past few years, my father has been on me to buy a house. Despite what I've told him--that I live in the nation's priciest housing market and that I'm unmarried and childless and it doesn't make sense to buy anything right now when I don't know what my life will be like in 5 years--he keeps on pushing it. He means well, he really does, and he started a family in a time when that was what you did. So, while he's been a great father, his advice on that front is not so good for me.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

You said what I was trying to say a little better than I did.

Not every parental recommendation is always a good one, and often reflects the reality our parents grew up in. I'll use myself as an example, taking out the dating and relationship aspect. For the past few years, my father has been on me to buy a house. Despite what I've told him--that I live in the nation's priciest housing market and that I'm unmarried and childless and it doesn't make sense to buy anything right now when I don't know what my life will be like in 5 years--he keeps on pushing it. He means well, he really does, and he started a family in a time when that was what you did. So, while he's been a great father, his advice on that front is not so good for me.

Yep. Outside of relationships, my mom told me something similar to what your dad was telling you. When I was in my last year of vet school, she wanted me to do a traditional residency, so I could become a specialist faster. She doesn't know anything about vet medicine, so I made the decision to do a non-traditional residency, although it's going to take two years longer. However, I took the advice from a vet who knows what would be better for me. I just think it's important to listen to people who have been where I want to go.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I had great, wise parents who cared about me and my siblings deeply, and a primary way they showed this was by raising to us make our own decisions. I certainly never considered them as "covering" me until I got married (at age 27). What you describe was not my experience, nor would I want it to have been, nor do I want it to be my experience with my children.

I see what you're trying to say, but I frankly I think it's useless advice, especially on the internet. If this is how it is for you and your parents, great. But so much of what you assume about parents and their relationship with their children can vary widely, even among "good" and "wise" parents.

Well, I wasn't giving advice, I was just posting my thoughts about what has worked for me. I agree with what's in bold. I guess it just depends on what has worked for you. This has always worked for me. My parents (before my dad passed) have never been controlling, they've always given me great advice (that I still follow) but still would let me make my own decisions. A lot of the decisions I make are based on the way they raised me, and so far, I haven't had any regrets.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Well, I wasn't giving advice, I was just posting my thoughts about what has worked for me.

If that's the case, then why so few first person pronouns?

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I was reading some of the comments about parents being involved. I disagree, because your parents are your covering until you get married. It's just that they have better insight than you have (if you have parents who care about you). I mean, this might not always be to your liking, but it is always for your own good. This is true no matter what you think of them (provided that you have good parents). Your parents love you, they know you, and they want the best for you. Honestly, when it comes to choosing a mate, it's not brain surgery to figure out why their counsel in this area is invaluable. First of all, they are not in love with your significant other, so they can see him objectively. Second, they know and love you, so they are sensitive to what your needs are -what will work for you, and what will hinder you. So, when your parents speak on the matter of a mate, you need to listen to them instead of being dumb and relying on your own decisions.

Sorry, but the whole think reads like an observation on how it always is (with good parents) and should be, and that last sentence is clearly advice.

Like I said, if it works for you, great! But don't tell other people, even people with great parents, what they should or shouldn't be doing regarding their parents' advice. There are just way too many variables at play, and just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for others.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for others.

That's true, MC. This makes sense.