Non-liberal hippie gay guy hoping to join a fraternity...

[DTD Alum]

Gay registered Republicans make me sad for some reason, and this is from somebody who is about as fiscally conservative as they come (socially, whole other story). I can't imagine being an official member of a party who is actively trying to marginalize you. (I'm independent, for the record).

I agree with DrPhil...stop trying to make a show about how "different" you are. Many, many, many gay men are like that, you just assume they are heterosexual when you see them because of your narrow view. To people that are actively homophobic, it doesn't matter that you are so "different", you are still gay. To people that don't care, they don't care.

As for your actual question, I'm not from UNC Chapel Hill so I can't speak on the culture, but I went to a school in California of all places and I would say about 75% of the chapters would not be open to taking an openly gay member. It's reprehensible, but it is also a reality at many schools. The irony of course is that all these chapters had closeted members.

If you get a bid to a chapter, I'd also say take a really good look at the culture. Can you bring a boyfriend to a formal event, or are they going to expect you to bring a girl instead? Can you invite guys to a party and flirt with them, or are you expected to "hide" that behavior? Can you mention that you find Ryan Reynolds hot without getting looks of disgust? For many chapters, they may take you but then demand (either explicitly or subconsciously) that you hide your sexuality. Be careful of that.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, at some schools you'll have no problem. Stanford, for example, has gay guys in all of their chapters, including the "Good Ol' Boy" chapters. But that's an entirely different category than a more traditional school with a large Greek life, which can tend to be stuck in the stone age.

I'm not saying that all chapters should vote in every gay guy they see, but they SHOULD be treated like everybody else. That means that they should get voted on based on their personality only, not sexuality. No exceptions. You already have them in your chapter anyway, they're just hiding.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DTD Alum

Gay registered Republicans make me sad for some reason, and this is from somebody who is about as fiscally conservative as they come (socially, whole other story). I can't imagine being an official member of a party who is actively trying to marginalize you. (I'm independent, for the record).

I too am an Independent. Marginalization is coming from all sides. Not just the Republican side, not just the Democrat side, and not just those other sides. Marginalization wouldn't exist and persist if it was mainly about Republicans.

Plus, political parties are also diverse groups and not everyone in a political party agrees. People align themselves based on a larger idea of what works best. As a man who is most likely of the white diaspora, the OP probably finds the Republican party "protects" privileges that buffer (as far as he's concerned) marginalization based on sexual orientation. Afterall, the OP is a self-proclaimed different type of gay guy who isn't easily detected.

Originally Posted by DTD Alum

I agree with DrPhil...stop trying to make a show about how "different" you are. Many, many, many gay men are like that, you just assume they are heterosexual when you see them because of your narrow view. To people that are actively homophobic, it doesn't matter that you are so "different", you are still gay. To people that don't care, they don't care.

I agree.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Plus, political parties are also diverse groups and not everyone in a political party agrees. People align themselves based on a larger idea of what works best. As a man who is most likely of the white diaspora, the OP probably finds the Republican party "protects" privileges that buffer (as far as he's concerned) marginalization based on sexual orientation. Afterall, the OP is a self-proclaimed different type of gay guy who isn't easily detected.

I wouldn't be surprised if part of the OP's MO about this is that if he's a Republican, then it really shows how "different," "better," or "much more moral" he is than those scarf-wearing, Lady GaGa-loving gays who flock to the Democratic Party.. I've seen a number of Black Republicans do the same thing. "See, I'm not like them! I'm moral! I'm a Republican!!!!"

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I wouldn't be surprised if part of the OP's MO about this is that if he's a Republican, then it really shows how "different" or "better" he is than those other scarf-wearing, Lady GaGa-loving gays. I've seen a number of Black Republicans do the same thing. "See, I'm not like them! I'm moral! I'm a Republican!!!!"

Good point. I agree. Theyeth dotheth protesteth tooth mucheth and are as dumb as people who affiliate with political parties only because "that's what minorities do." You need to know and understand what you are affiliating with based on the info that we laypersons have access to.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I wouldn't be surprised if part of the OP's MO about this is that if he's a Republican, then it really shows how "different," "better," or "much more moral" he is than those scarf-wearing, Lady GaGa-loving gays who flock to the Democratic Party.. I've seen a number of Black Republicans do the same thing. "See, I'm not like them! I'm moral! I'm a Republican!!!!"

While that certainly could be going on, it could also just be that he grew up in a Republican family and/or naturally aligns with a more fiscally-conservative, smaller government, pro-business point of political view. Republican doesn't necessarily mean religious right or social conservative. As Dr. Phil says, political parties are diverse groups. The existence and activities of the Log Cabin Republicans attest to that. While I agree with the broader point about the implications of stressing how different the OP is from "those gays," there's nothing about being Republican that I find that inherently questionable. I agree with 33girl -- there's something almost condescending about suggesting otherwise.

As for the question he posed, my main concern is still that he's already said too much. If anybody from UNC has checked in on this thread, he's already laid everything out there -- chapters have seen what all he said about himself before meeting him and getting a chance to know him.

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I am a member of the Republican party because my parents were, and because my state doesn't allow independents to vote in primary elections.

The "party line" has been shoved into place by a very vocal minority of the party. Many Republicans don't give a shit about gay marriage, abortion or any of the other hot button issues that the ultraconservative right wing of the party jumps on - or if they do give a shit, they are on the opposing side. They are Republicans because they agree with the fiscal side of what being a Republican has HISTORICALLY meant.

Don't be condescending and "sad" for someone because you think their choice of political party makes them self-hating.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

While that certainly could be going on, it could also just be that he grew up in a Republican family and/or naturally aligns with a more fiscally-conservative, smaller government, pro-business point of political view. Republican doesn't necessarily mean religious right or social conservative. As Dr. Phil says, political parties are diverse groups. The existence and activities of the Log Cabin Republicans attest to that. While I agree with the broader point about the implications of stressing how different the OP is from "those gays," there's nothing about being Republican that I find that inherently questionable. I agree with 33girl -- there's something almost condescending about suggesting otherwise.

As for the question he posed, my main concern is still that he's already said too much. If anybody from UNC has checked in on this thread, he's already laid everything out there -- chapters have seen what all he said about himself before meeting him and getting a chance to know him.

What they said

[DrPhil]

The context in which he shared his political affiliation is "I'm not too gay" and "I'm just like you."

Munchkin03 and I weren't saying anything negative about Republicans--I don't like anyone or anything when it comes to politics. We are talking about minorities who feel the need to overstate. He could be Republican for a number of reasons. But, again, this context makes me think his life is consciously and/or subconsciously centered around proving he's different.

ETA: I just saw Munchkin03 and 33girl's posts.

[DTD Alum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I too am an Independent. Marginalization is coming from all sides. Not just the Republican side, not just the Democrat side, and not just those other sides. Marginalization wouldn't exist and persist if it was mainly about Republicans.

Marginalization certainly exists from all sides, but due to our partisan system, politicians tend to align themselves to party lines whether they believe in them or not. The Republican party line about homosexuality is fairly grim, with almost universal support for not allowing gay marriage, as well as plenty of politicians who were against the repeal of DADT. The Democratic party line is infinitely more accepting. Now whether that's genuine or not on the part of each politician is up in the air, of course.

I don't have an issue with gay people voting for a Republican candidate, but something about purposefully saying you are with the party seems to support you are with the party line, which seems to say that you are against allowing yourself to marry or serve in the army. This is especially the case since homosexual issues are such a political hot button right now, and virtually all politicians have a clear stance.

Although I agree, it's likely that the alignment with the Republican party (read: not individual Republican politicians) is a further way of showing "Look how gay we aren't! We're practically like you!" Not that that's good or a positive thing, especially since many eventually realize they are just being used as poster children and token members, and not truly accepted.

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I wouldn't be surprised if part of the OP's MO about this is that if he's a Republican, then it really shows how "different," "better," or "much more moral" he is than those scarf-wearing, Lady GaGa-loving gays who flock to the Democratic Party.. I've seen a number of Black Republicans do the same thing. "See, I'm not like them! I'm moral! I'm a Republican!!!!"

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Good point. I agree. Theyeth dotheth protesteth tooth mucheth and are as dumb as people who affiliate with political parties only because "that's what minorities do." You need to know and understand what you are affiliating with based on the info that we laypersons have access to.

Originally Posted by DTD Alum

Marginalization certainly exists from all sides, but due to our partisan system, politicians tend to align themselves to party lines whether they believe in them or not. The Republican party line about homosexuality is fairly grim, with almost universal support for not allowing gay marriage, as well as plenty of politicians who were against the repeal of DADT. The Democratic party line is infinitely more accepting. Now whether that's genuine or not on the part of each politician is up in the air, of course.

I don't have an issue with gay people voting for a Republican candidate, but something about purposefully saying you are with the party seems to support you are with the party line, which seems to say that you are against allowing yourself to marry or serve in the army. This is especially the case since homosexual issues are such a political hot button right now, and virtually all politicians have a clear stance.

Although I agree, it's likely that the alignment with the Republican party (read: not individual Republican politicians) is a further way of showing "Look how gay we aren't! We're practically like you!" Not that that's good or a positive thing, especially since many eventually realize they are just being used as poster children and token members, and not truly accepted.

Hmm, interesting points but someone being gay and in the republican party shouldn't be surprising or troubling. I think it might be a case of being sick of and kicking back from the stereotype. I can't tell you all how many times I've heard minorities say/write on the radio/internet " No self respecting (fill-in-th-blank) should ever vote Republican." I have an old friend who is a staunch conservative, works for a GOP Senator, and is gay. AFAIK the Log Cabin Republican's (Gay repub group) have had quite the role in getting rid of DADT. No political party is a perfect match and every time you vote you have to pick the lesser of two evils. I actually think if the GOP focuses more on smaller gov and fiscal conservatism and leaves the "morals" at home they would attract a lot more gay voters, but nah...I don't see that happening any time soon.

-Sorry if this post makes no sense, I'm suffering from a really crappy cold and can barely type straight.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

Hmm, interesting points but someone being gay and in the republican party shouldn't be surprising or troubling.

DTD Alum was saying something different than what Munchkin and I were saying.

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

DTD Alum was saying something different than what Munchkin and I were saying.

What, I can't think that all of you guys brought up interesting points?

But you and M's points were better and more on point.....better?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

What, I can't think that all of you guys brought up interesting points?

Of course as long as you know we were saying different things.

[LXA SE285]

I do feel bad for the OP - he is going to get greeted with a chorus of "Poker Face" at every party he walks into.

You're terrible, Muriel.

[33girl]

I am a member of the Republican party because my parents were, and because my state doesn't allow independents to vote in primary elections.

The "party line" has been shoved into place by a very vocal minority of the party. Many Republicans don't give a shit about gay marriage, abortion or any of the other hot button issues that the ultraconservative right wing of the party jumps on - or if they do give a shit, they are on the opposing side. They are Republicans because they agree with the fiscal side of what being a Republican has HISTORICALLY meant.

Don't be condescending and "sad" for someone because you think their choice of political party makes them self-hating.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Don't be condescending and "sad" for someone because you think their choice of political party makes them self-hating.

Oh, I'm not. I see a bit of self-hating in the OP regardless of political leaning. He's obviously trying to set himself apart from other gays and possibly using his membership in the Republican Party as part of that. He resorted to stereotypes of gay men. The gay Republicans I know aren't self-hating, and I don't feel sad for them at all.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

While that certainly could be going on, it could also just be that he grew up in a Republican family and/or naturally aligns with a more fiscally-conservative, smaller government, pro-business point of political view.

It could be, but if that were the case, he wouldn't have gone on about how he's not like those other gays. It sounds like he may have thrown the Republican thing in there to emphasize how different he is.