Non-liberal hippie gay guy hoping to join a fraternity...

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Guys, I don't see why we're being so harsh on this dude - nobody jumped my throat when I explained to the board that I'm straight, but not all uptight and athletic and macho like those other straight guys ... I'm definitely swishy and speak in tones both dulcet and lispy, I subscribe to both Details and Us Weekly, and not only do people describe me as sartorial, but I know what the word means, too. I don't high five, my flatulence is reserved for the proper time and place, I've never wasted a single minute watching the NFL, and I'm such a gentle lover they call me The Napkin.

I don't want anybody to think I act straight - I definitely do not, heaven forbid. What's the big problem with that, other than sounding incredibly stilted and judgmental and reliant upon fishy stereotypes?

This is hysterical. Best of GreekChat, I'd say.

Unrelated to KSigRC's humor, can anyone speak to whether guys use legacy forms in any meaningful way? I know that being a legacy isn't a guarantee of anything at all, but with the NPCs, there are forms to officially notify the chapter of your family's connection to the group without having to name drop. Do guys use those or do they tend to backfire, in a "if you were a legacy who mattered, we'd know about you already" kind of way?

I know it's not UNC, but I was recently talking to a former student of mine who is currently at UGA: I think in the context of his involvement on campus, I asked him if he was interested in rushing, and he said that although there were closeted or semi-closeted guys in most groups, that it was more rare for guys to be out, especially in the most traditional groups.

On a lot of southern campuses, the most traditional groups are often regarded as being the strongest groups. So perversely, the OP may find himself in a bind that the groups that most appeal to him in terms of reputation are likely to be the very groups that are most likely to reject based on orientation.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

Unrelated to KSigRC's humor, can anyone speak to whether guys use legacy forms in any meaningful way? I know that being a legacy isn't a guarantee of anything at all, but with the NPCs, there are forms to officially notify the chapter of your family's connection to the group without having to name drop. Do guys use those or do they tend to backfire, in a "if you were a legacy who mattered, we'd know about you already" kind of way?

Hoover: Kent is a legacy, Otter. His brother was a '59, Fred Dorfman.
Flounder: He said legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically.
Otter: Oh, well, usually. Unless the pledge in question turns out to be a real closet-case.
Otter, Boon: Like Fred.



Kidding aside, some fraternities use some sort of legacy form. Many times, the only real information they want to know is if the rushee is a legacy.

But what is more common - but still may not be that common on some campuses - are letters of introduction. The letter might say that the rushee is an ok person and that the chapter might want to invite him to events and get to know him better.

Usually, the better the fraternity member (alumnus) knows the rushee, the more likely the rushee may be invited to rush parties. Especially if the member sending the introduction letter is well respected within the chapter and/or fraternity as a whole.

If the letter of introduction is for a legacy, it “should” carry more weight. But in the end, it is up to the chapter to decide if the rushee is a good fit for the chapter and worthy of a bid.

All in all, since on most campuses there isn't an IFC quota nor IFC chapter total imposed on the chapter, a legacy - if he meets the chapter's standards - may be considered a "bonus" as it were. In many cases, legacies may be rather desirable depending on how well their (bio) brothers and/or father (what ever relation or legacy status applies) are connected / regarded to the chapter or to the fraternity.

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

On a lot of southern campuses, the most traditional groups are often regarded as being the strongest groups. So perversely, the OP may find himself in a bind that the groups that most appeal to him in terms of reputation are likely to be the very groups that are most likely to reject based on orientation.

When I was an undergraduate at UK, most so called “top tier” fraternities had at least one open gay member. Maybe every chapter. This was in the late 1970s and there didn’t seem to be such a brouhaha regarding one’s sexuality as there is now.

I don’t know if they were open at the time they rushed or if they came out later. But it seemed that most everyone within the UK Greek community knew. And at least publicly, there wasn’t any negative talk nor adverse affect on their chapters. Maybe because at the time, people - in general - were simply more private about their personal life and the UK Greek community (in general) respected that.

[DrPhil]

KSig RC strikes again. LOL.

[Shrapnel360]

Since I've never rushed before, I clearly don't know what information is or isn't relevant to help you all answer my question, so I don't exactly appreciate the many of you jumping at me to nitpick at my character. Nonetheless, thanks for those of you who actually answered my questions.

Also, for the record, I'm a Republican because I believe that there are far more pressing issues that have a much greater impact on my quality of life than whether I can get married or not. And I'm from Connecticut, and it's legal here, so I don't really care outside of that. That said, gay marriage is an inevitability; whether the Republicans or Democrats are in power, within the next 20 years gay marriage will be a reality in the United States.

Anyways a few more questions... As I said in the OP, I have some relatives in some very respected fraternities across the East Coast, and my late grandfather was in DKE at Yale. Would it be appropriate to name drop? Or would that be deemed passive arrogance? And, from the looks of it, most people seem to think it would be better for me to just not tell anyone that I'm gay... Is this the general consensus? As for bringing same-sex dates to events, I'm not even sure I'd feel comfortable with that. I would probably just bring a female friend with me. If I did become a member of a fraternity without anyone knowing I like men, if someone were to find out, could I be kicked out?

I apologize about the many questions and my frank long-windedness, but as I said, I've never done this before, so I do appreciate your understanding.

[MysticCat]

Seriously, I'd suggest you stop posting so much personal information here. People in the chapters you're interested in might read what you've posted -- it's quite possible -- and you've given more than enough information for them to identify you when you go through rush. So all your questions about what you should or shouldn't tell them could be moot; if they've read it here, they already know and may have already formed opinions about you before they've ever laid eyes on you.


Beyond that, and for what it's worth, my advice:

1) Stop trying to pick a fraternity based on reputations, family connections, etc.
2) Go through rush and actually meet the guys in different chapters.
3) Don't try to act like someone you're not. Be yourself and be honest with yourself about where you would fit in and who you would like to call your brothers.
4) Hope that the chapter you think you fit with best likes you for who you are and offers you a bid.

[Shrapnel360]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Seriously, I'd suggest you stop posting so much personal information here. People in the chapters you're interested in might read what you've posted -- it's quite possible -- and you've given more than enough information for them to identify you when you go through rush. So all your questions about what you should or shouldn't tell them could be moot; if they've read it here, they already know and may have already formed opinions about you before they've ever laid eyes on you.


Beyond that, and for what it's worth, my advice:

1) Stop trying to pick a fraternity based on reputations, family connections, etc.
2) Go through rush and actually meet the guys in different chapters.
3) Don't try to act like someone you're not. Be yourself and be honest with yourself about where you would fit in and who you would like to call your brothers.
4) Hope that the chapter you think you fit with best likes you for who you are and offers you a bid.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. So, is name-dropping a no-no?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Shrapnel360

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. So, is name-dropping a no-no?

No, you can say "my grandfather was a DKE at Yale." That makes you a legacy in some fraternities, and that's fine. I would definitely mention it if that's one of the fraternities you end up rushing. Don't think it guarantees you membership though, or that you'll even like that fraternity.

The no-no is how much OTHER personal info you have already posted on here.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Shrapnel360

Since I've never rushed before, I clearly don't know what information is or isn't relevant to help you all answer my question, so I don't exactly appreciate the many of you jumping at me to nitpick at my character. Nonetheless, thanks for those of you who actually answered my questions.

Also, for the record, I'm a Republican because I believe that there are far more pressing issues that have a much greater impact on my quality of life than whether I can get married or not. And I'm from Connecticut, and it's legal here, so I don't really care outside of that. That said, gay marriage is an inevitability; whether the Republicans or Democrats are in power, within the next 20 years gay marriage will be a reality in the United States.

Anyways a few more questions... As I said in the OP, I have some relatives in some very respected fraternities across the East Coast, and my late grandfather was in DKE at Yale. Would it be appropriate to name drop? Or would that be deemed passive arrogance? And, from the looks of it, most people seem to think it would be better for me to just not tell anyone that I'm gay... Is this the general consensus? As for bringing same-sex dates to events, I'm not even sure I'd feel comfortable with that. I would probably just bring a female friend with me. If I did become a member of a fraternity without anyone knowing I like men, if someone were to find out, could I be kicked out?

I apologize about the many questions and my frank long-windedness, but as I said, I've never done this before, so I do appreciate your understanding.

Why you're a Republican is less important than why you felt the need to include that in your rant about how different you are than "other gays."

[Lady Pi]

UNC does have a very (surprisingly) large Gay community, but that's just it, it's basically its own community. Maybe some fraternities have a few gay members, but you wouldn't know it. The Greek community and the Gay community do not really mix.

Do not lie. Do not join a fraternity and then surprise them after initiation with the fact that you are gay. If they have a problem with your sexuality, it won't matter if you wait until you're a brother to tell them, they'll still express their feelings. Would you really want to join an organization that didn't want the real you anyway?

Also, I wold advise NOT asking for advice from another website that is basically the crap-tastic new version of Juicy Campus, but I guess it might be too late for that.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Lady Pi

Also, I wold advise NOT asking for advice from another website that is basically the crap-tastic new version of Juicy Campus, but I guess it might be too late for that.

He has asked this question on another board?

[elicampbell]

Shrapnel360, Look at several chapters, see what chapters you like and you like them. FWIW, I know a gay fraternity man, who is a JCrew wearing, Punk Rock listening, college sports watching Democrat. He does not define himself by his bedroom sexcapades.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by elicampbell

FWIW, I know a gay fraternity man, who is a JCrew wearing, Punk Rock listening, college sports watching Democrat. He does not define himself by his bedroom sexcapades.

For clarity purposes, is that supposed to make him different than other gay men? Or, are you saying that there is diversity and such diversity is not rare?

While sexual orientation, has the word "sex" in it, the central component is not bedroom sexcapades.

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

While sexual orientation, has the word "sex" in it, the central component is not bedroom sexcapades.

This is where I would need education.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by BluPhire

This is where I would need education.

What do you mean? Is the central component of your life the sex you have?

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by agzg

What do you mean? Is the central component of your life the sex you have?

Maybe he means "central" as in "occurring in the bedroom, which is basically in the middle of the floor plan."

For me, unfortunately, that would mean Poundtown would basically be on top of the stove. Maybe I could hang a swing off the range hood.

(This thread blows my mind - where, oh where, did we hide the pioneers?)