First signs of a bad first date

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

It's just too corporate for me. The people who geek over D & B's are the same people who want to go for "good Italian food" at Bravo - when we have a section of town literally called "Little Italy" with a TON of Italian places that have better food and lower prices.

Speak for yourself, I will continue to geek out over an adult Chuck E Cheese and that has no effect whatsoever on my ability to choose a decent restaurant. (I'm assuming Bravo is something like Olive Garden...which for the record might not be real Italian, but it is real good...I like food too much to be a snob about it. Also, I am really, really hungry right now. This is making it worse.)

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

(I'm assuming Bravo is something like Olive Garden...which for the record might not be real Italian, but it is real good...I like food too much to be a snob about it. Also, I am really, really hungry right now. This is making it worse.)

Yes, but more bland and more expensive than OG.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

Yes, but more bland and more expensive than OG.

DITY?

[Munchkin03]

During a first date last week, at the end of dinner and before the check comes, he asks,

"Hey, you wanna split this?"

I replied, "Sure!"

I feel like it is the man's responsibility to pay for dinner during the first date. After a few more then it can be split evenly; I don't even mind taking the bill if it's a place that I recommend. This wasn't an expensive dinner, either--it was Mexican. If you can't afford to do that, then just limit the first date to drinks or coffee.

Needless to say, I deleted his contact information from my phone the next day.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

During a first date last week, at the end of dinner and before the check comes, he asks,

"Hey, you wanna split this?"

I replied, "Sure!"

I feel like it is the man's responsibility to pay for dinner during the first date. After a few more then it can be split evenly; I don't even mind taking the bill if it's a place that I recommend. This wasn't an expensive dinner, either--it was Mexican. If you can't afford to do that, then just limit the first date to drinks or coffee.

Needless to say, I deleted his contact information from my phone the next day.

I agree with you. At the very least, if he wanted to split the check you should have known that before going out.

I think it's easier, particularly after you're an established "couple," to mix it up in terms of paying for stuff. But at the outset, it's got to be me. I always say 'hey, I gotta know that you know that I got this.' (my girlfriend knows this is my tortured explanation of "man law" to her).

[33girl]

I think that depends on how the first date came about. If it's someone you met in real life first - through, shall we say, "traditional" means - the person who asked for the date should definitely pay, whether it's the man or the woman. But with online dating, I'm honestly more comfortable going Dutch (although I've had guys insist otherwise). The fact is if you were both on a site, you're both mutually looking for a date. And the other fact is you don't know this person from a hole in the ground. He could follow you out to your car and say "well, I bought you a shitty dinner at Bravo, you need to give me a BJ now."

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that depends on how the first date came about. If it's someone you met in real life first - through, shall we say, "traditional" means - the person who asked for the date should definitely pay, whether it's the man or the woman. But with online dating, I'm honestly more comfortable going Dutch (although I've had guys insist otherwise). The fact is if you were both on a site, you're both mutually looking for a date. And the other fact is you don't know this person from a hole in the ground. He could follow you out to your car and say "well, I bought you a shitty dinner at Bravo, you need to give me a BJ now."

It was through "traditional" means. I always offer to pay, regardless of how we met, and this is the first time someone actually brought it up first. It was definitely off-putting. The fact that he brought it up even before the bill came was a red flag to me more than anything else.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that depends on how the first date came about. If it's someone you met in real life first - through, shall we say, "traditional" means - the person who asked for the date should definitely pay, whether it's the man or the woman. But with online dating, I'm honestly more comfortable going Dutch (although I've had guys insist otherwise). The fact is if you were both on a site, you're both mutually looking for a date. And the other fact is you don't know this person from a hole in the ground. He could follow you out to your car and say "well, I bought you a shitty dinner at Bravo, you need to give me a BJ now."

Fair enough, but don't you feel just a teeny bit warmer toward the guy if, after offering to pay for the first date (even if you asked him out), he overrides and insists that he pay? ..call it a spasm of chivalry or something.

Why does online vs. traditional meeting makes such a difference to you?

I'm sure I'm probalby missing the subtext of your "entitlement" point. You're not saying you're more entitled to refuse him a BJ becuase you paid, are you? I mean, he's not "entitled" to services no matter who paid, right?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

Fair enough, but don't you feel just a teeny bit warmer toward the guy if, after offering to pay for the first date (even if you asked him out), he overrides and insists that he pay? ..call it a spasm of chivalry or something.

Why does online vs. traditional meeting makes such a difference to you?

I'm sure I'm probalby missing the subtext of your "entitlement" point. You're not saying you're more entitled to refuse him a BJ becuase you paid, are you? I mean, he's not "entitled" to services no matter who paid, right?

Yeah, it's nice, but I really don't care one way or the other. Personal baggage: my first boyfriend had ISSUES with money and the management thereof. He would do stuff like buying me a dozen roses, a stuffed animal and a card, and then 10 minutes later be like "honey, can I borrow $10? I need to get a haircut." I wish he would have skipped the stupid roses and used his money wisely. (When I met his family eventually, I COMPLETELY understood where this came from.) Needless to say I learned NOT to rely on a man for everything.

If I'm emancipated enough to ask a guy out, he should be emancipated enough to not think I'm cutting his balls off if I pay.

As far as traditional vs online meeting: if a guy I know in real life asks me out on a date, either I've known him long enough or he's been vetted enough by friends that I know he's probably not going to pull any passive aggressive dick moves, like making me feel "obligated" if he pays. Meeting someone for the first time from match.com or whatever - I have NO idea if this guy's going to be all he said he was. A guy who's seemed like a nice, sweet guy can pull PADMs like it's going out of style or be a straight up psycho. I would rather be on an even footing in the smallest things - like paying for a drink - than take the risk of having someone I don't know think I "owe" him in any way, shape or form.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

During a first date last week, at the end of dinner and before the check comes, he asks,

"Hey, you wanna split this?"

I replied, "Sure!"

I feel like it is the man's responsibility to pay for dinner during the first date. After a few more then it can be split evenly; I don't even mind taking the bill if it's a place that I recommend. This wasn't an expensive dinner, either--it was Mexican. If you can't afford to do that, then just limit the first date to drinks or coffee.

Needless to say, I deleted his contact information from my phone the next day.

I feel like whoever initiates the date should pay. I've never asked a guy out, but if I did I'd offer to cover the check. Would he get bonus points if he said, "No let me?" Yes. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker if he didn't. But if he asks you out on a first date then he should at least OFFER to pay. Like you said, if you can't afford to find a cheaper place to have a date in the first place.

I will say that when I've started regularly seeing a guy I've insisted on splitting. I have two brothers and I wouldn't be thrilled for either of them to date a girl that insisted they pay her way for everything after they had been dating a while. At all. I've got sympathy for the dudes. (Or if I'm dating a guy that always wants to do dinner and a movie it's acceptable for me to get the bill one date and him the next.)

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I feel like whoever initiates the date should pay. I've never asked a guy out, but if I did I'd offer to cover the check. Would he get bonus points if he said, "No let me?" Yes. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker if he didn't. But if he asks you out on a first date then he should at least OFFER to pay. Like you said, if you can't afford to find a cheaper place to have a date in the first place.

I will say that when I've started regularly seeing a guy I've insisted on splitting. I have two brothers and I wouldn't be thrilled for either of them to date a girl that insisted they pay her way for everything after they had been dating a while. At all. I've got sympathy for the dudes. (Or if I'm dating a guy that always wants to do dinner and a movie it's acceptable for me to get the bill one date and him the next.)

I think I mentioned above that after a few dates, I'd feel uncomfortable NOT chipping in or at least offering to do so. But, this was a first date where he invited me and selected the location. The least he could have done was paid. But, it's no mind, as I was not into him for other reasons--this was just the last nail in the coffin.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

But, this was a first date where he invited me and selected the location.

Yeah, that's mega lame. Buh-bye.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think I mentioned above that after a few dates, I'd feel uncomfortable NOT chipping in or at least offering to do so. But, this was a first date where he invited me and selected the location. The least he could have done was paid. But, it's no mind, as I was not into him for other reasons--this was just the last nail in the coffin.

I feel like that's an indication that he isn't very socially aware. Or polite. Neeeeexxxtttt.