Moving in with BF! I need advice.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Right, statistics aren't intended to represent everyone and everything. That's why you will find cohabitators who say cohabitating was awesome and (perhaps more) cohabitators who say cohabitating was a complete waste.

Whichever the case, people conveniently use statistics and expect others to personally apply them for topics like safe sex. Either way, everyone thinks this stuff applies to everyone but them. I strongly recommend that people understand the realities and possibilities of life and that includes both the individual-level and the aggregate-level. There comes a point when people need to stop thinking "I didn't think it could happen to MEEEEEEE" or "I had no idea this could even happen...TO ANYONE."

That applies to this topic and any other. Make smart and informed choices. People can still choose to do something that others disapprove of, but they shouldn't pretend that they were aware of the potential positive outcomes but clueless to the potential negative outcomes.

Statistics are statistics for a reason.

I may have mentioned it in this thread or another, but I lived with my ex-boyfriend for about a year after I finished my Master's. At that point, we had been together for 5 years and were ready to take the next step. We were aware of what it meant for us. We ended up breaking up about 6 months or so afterwards, mainly because I realized that I didn't want to marry him. We still lived together for about 6 months afterwards--but we had separate rooms at that point so it wasn't terrible. We ended up having a very amicable break. This is rare and I consider myself extremely lucky.

That said, I've seen a lot more cohabiting situations blow up because the couples NEVER clarified what living together meant. A lot of women assume that a ring is inevitable after moving in together, while their boyfriends don't feel that same way. After a year or so, they're freaking out every time one of their friends gets engaged.

It's actually kind of amazing to me how many women--and these just aren't younger women--will totally expect a man who says he doesn't want to get married to "change his mind...eventually."