The fallacy of Sorority Recs?

[CutiePie2000]

These 2 threads are also very good and are related to the topic at hand:

As an alumna, how WELL should you know a PNM in order to write a RecForm/Sponsorship?
and
Collegiate members and recommendations/references .

[kdonline]

As the Kappa Delta reference contact for the Miami, FL area (for about 15 years), I am always contacted for recommendations on girls who I have no clue about. And since I left the school system 5 years ago, my contacts have dwindled.

Often, it's a small out-of-state chapter who contacts me. I figure this girl is probably the only Miami girl going through rush & they want a rec on her ahead of time. So, rather than writing an 'unknown rec' (the chapter usually sends me a copy of her Rush app), I write a note back & say something like, "If this girl makes it to Prefs, I will happily write a rec. But rather than writing a rec on a girl who might not fit in with your chapter, please meet her first, then get back to me."

Now, guess how often this happens! A girl can have an outstanding resume, but when you meet her - she just doesn't "click." As someone else mentioned, it's the same as with a job interview.

BTW, the Florida schools always send me huge lists of Miami rushees, but usually just a name & a high school. I have the same policy with them.

It's not easy to find out information about a random girl in Miami. Schools have privacy laws. The Miami Women's Panhellenic used to have tea parties where we'd invite PNMs, then get copies of their resumes, etc., but this hasn't been done for years.

As for an "unknown rec" vs. a "known rec" - oh, you can so tell the difference. The chapters can tell too.

Are some girls inadvertantly dropped because they don't 1) have a rec 2) talk themselves up or 3) have an outstanding resume? Yes, probably, esp. at larger schools. But just like in a job interview, during rush, you need to "sell yourself" - the chapter wants to know what you can do for them.

[pinkyphimu]

first of all valkyrie...i am so with you on this one. i think it was 33 girl who said thank god she went to school where this was not an issue...amen sister.

i don't want to stir anything up, but....what if rhonda rushee gets a no rec from allie alumna. susie sister personally knows rhonda and is offended that allie provided a no rec and completely disagrees with the info written. allie alumna is the only person who has written a rec for rhonda. whose word is is taken?

and so you might go out and get more recs, but let's pretend that the reason allie provided for giving a no rec was that rhonda was a slut. susie (because she personally knows these two people and no one else in the chapter does) knows this is not true and that allie is just upset because rhonda used to date her son, but broke up with him the night before the senior prom and refused to go with him even tho he already paid for the limo. great, so you pick up the phone and call the upitty town's alpha alpha alum chapter to find other women who know rhonda. turns out that allie is the president of the chapter and the sponsorship chairperson for that city. do you tell her that one of the collegiates said that she was incorrect in her evaluation? do you ask to talk to someone else? do you really think that someone else who is friend's with allie is going to give you a different rec?

[DGMarie]

Oh good heavens! Once and for all, if they want Suzie, they'll find a way!

[AUDeltaGam]

Originally posted by DGMarie
Oh good heavens! Once and for all, if they want Suzie, they'll find a way!

Amen, sister!

[kdonline]

Originally posted by pinkyphimu
first of all valkyrie...i am so with you on this one. i think it was 33 girl who said thank god she went to school where this was not an issue...amen sister.

i don't want to stir anything up, but....what if rhonda rushee gets a no rec from allie alumna. susie sister personally knows rhonda and is offended that allie provided a no rec and completely disagrees with the info written. allie alumna is the only person who has written a rec for rhonda. whose word is is taken?

If someone in your chapter knows the girl personally, then all that has to be said is something like "she has questionable morals" and then the girl can be dropped. No one wants to take a risk on a girl with a bad rep, when there are plenty of other outstanding girls.

If the girl has a rec, then the alumna who is advising the whole process is consulted. Usually, the word of the chapter sister is taken...and the girl is dropped by 2nd round.

As alumnae, we all have to realize that we are not the ones who have to live with the girl - the chapter sisters do.

There are some things that we alumnae do not know about the rushees, that those of you who went to school with her do.

[33girl]

Originally posted by pinkyphimu
allie is just upset because rhonda used to date her son, but broke up with him the night before the senior prom and refused to go with him even tho he already paid for the limo.

dang pinky, you are cracking me up tonight. First the slam on Jessica Simpson and now the rec scenario that makes me think of the Texas Cheerleader Mom story. "I'll make that bimbo pay...you'll be screaming in your sleep and begging for mercy...nobody hurts my baby boy!!!"

LOL.

Anyway, she brings up a very good point - (I think you got it backwards Annie) - what if an alum is very vehement about a girl NOT getting in and the sisters all want her?

[ISUKappa]

originally posted by 33girl
Anyway, she brings up a very good point - (I think you got it backwards Annie) - what if an alum is very vehement about a girl NOT getting in and the sisters all want her?

Then it's up to the sisters and/or chapter/Alumnae Reference chair. It's hard when it's one word against another, but, like I said before, you have to put some trust and faith in each other as sisters. If it's early on during Recruitment (i.e. day 1 or 2) I'd invite her back for the next round and have other girls (not only susie sister) talk to her and see if they think she'll fit the chapter. Technically NO alums, save the Recruitment advisor or Alumnae Reference chair should even have contact or know what's going on with a chapter's recruitment until after Bid Day, so if she's interfering that much during recruitment, that's a red flag right there. If the sisters really want her and think she'll be a great member, take her!

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by 33girl
Anyway, she brings up a very good point - (I think you got it backwards Annie) - what if an alum is very vehement about a girl NOT getting in and the sisters all want her?

I've known alumnae to have waaaaaay more control over who gets an invitation than one would think they should have. And pinky, I almost fell out of my chair when I read your post I was laughing so hard. You know that stuff like that happens!

[Bama_Alumna]

I've known alumnae to have waaaaaay more control over who gets an invitation than one would think they should have.

Yes, they certainly do. I would say that, in my own experience, if an alumna--who knows a rushee or her family personally--writes a no rec, that girl is dropped without question.

[kdonline]

Originally posted by 33girl

Anyway, she brings up a very good point - (I think you got it backwards Annie) - what if an alum is very vehement about a girl NOT getting in and the sisters all want her?

Oh, my mistake..sorry.

Well then it works the other way too. The alum can write a negative rec. Simple as that. There's no need for details - it's just a box that you check & there's a line that says something like "the CAB Chair can contact me for more information."

As ISUKappa said, no other alumnae should know what's going on in the bid sessions, besides those who directly advise the chapters.

[IluvSirFidel]

Being from a "dreaded" SEC school....I have seen that recs play an important role in recruitment, but are not the do-all-end-all of the process. I, for one, did not have a rec at a particular house (AAA) on our campus, and my mother called me halfway through recruitment to tell me that one of this organization's alumna had called my high school teacher (a friend of this AAA alumna) to find out about me to write a rec. So AAA did the work!

Once on the other side of recruitment at tehe BBB house, I knew a girl who was dating my boyfriend's friend. She was from out of state. When, halfway through the week, she came up as "no rec given" I called my mother, a BBB alumna, and had her write a rec. It is my chapter's policy (And our national's I think) that a woman must have a rec in order to receive a bid. Once again the chapter did the work!

[IluvSirFidel]

Also, from my personal experience, if an alum puts "NO REC" on a girl's form, the chapter pays attention. This is seldom done, and when it happens, people listen and trust the alumna's opinion.

If alum really like a girl, and for some reason chapter members disagree, usually the chapter will override, but someone usually calls the alumna and tell her personally, so that it is not such a slap in the face.

[ISUKappa]

originally posted by valkyrie
I've known alumnae to have waaaaaay more control over who gets an invitation than one would think they should have.

And I've seen girls fight for their rush crushes only to have them be less-than-desirable members (which can mean through scholarhip, through standards, through committment or otherwise). That's the chance you take. It's not easy, it's not always fun and it doesn't always work out the way you want it to, but Recruitment is far from an exact science. That being said, with or without recs, we always seem to do okay. Just because a girl you loved during recruitment doesn't become part of your chapter (for whatever reason) doesn't mean you can't associate or be friends with her.

[carnation]

Thought I'd bump this--