Concerns for Boyfriend going through Recruitment

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

Right?? I was just going to comment on that. You're at least 38, and your girlfriend is an active?

To be fair, it's now his EX-girlfriend.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

To be fair, it's now his EX-girlfriend.

Since when are we fair around here?

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Since when are we fair around here?

Hey, we need to be accurate! Wouldn't want to paint this guy as a weirdo.

Oh, wait.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

Hey, we need to be accurate! Wouldn't want to paint this guy as a weirdo.

Oh, wait.

Yeah, that Tennessee Walker left the barn awhile ago and is currently wandering around downtown SanFran.

[33girl]

Yeah, I didn't really mean to call him out for dating a youngun - more that I thought he was dating someone his own age and pulling all this out of his butt. Just a word for the future, bro: if there's anything that people could jump on, it's wise to word things as to not leave any doubt. "A female friend of mine who is currently an active collegian" would have sufficed, as that's what she is, and you would have gotten zero shit for that facet of it. Put it on the street, people pick it up. Such is life.

As far as the young lady in question's pledge program - you get out of it what you put into it. If she didn't make an effort to get to know her pledge sisters and the rest of the sorority beyond what you described, didn't attend any events beyond what was required, didn't in effect GET HER MONEY'S WORTH, I'm sorry, but that's her own damn fault. Yes, a lot of these nationally mandated programs suck ass in some areas, but there's nothing the chapter can do about it. When you have 29 pledges who are busting their butts to get to know sisters, to get to know the rest of the Greek community, to attend all the events they can, and doing it without you twisting their arms, why on earth would you bother to twist the arm of #30 who does the bare minimum? If she felt her experience so subpar, she should not have initiated.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Yeah, I didn't really mean to call him out for dating a youngun -

You did call him really gross...

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

You did call him really gross...

My point was that my primary purpose in linking to that old post was to question the validity of his story, not call him out for his dating choices. I thought I was calling him out for making stuff up for story value, but was informed that was not so. If he would have straight up said he was 38 and dating a 19 year old, I would have expressed that I think that's ick.

[dnall]

I'm a couple years younger than that (I may have rounded up a couple years elsewhere) & she's a couple years older than you're giving her credit for, but you should still be ashamed of yourselves. I wouldn't come on here smacking someone else around over a fresh break up. That's just evil. Especially since it wasn't caused for a lack of love, friendship, or ability to relate, but because of people like yall giving each of us constant shit. If this was an interracial relationship between people of the same age you'd call people giving them crap bad people, but you try to insert yourself into our relationship without even knowing either one of us or how we felt about each other. That's fucked up. I don't care what you think it looks like on the surface. You don't think it bothered us when we figured out the age difference? It did, but love is bigger than that bullshit, or at least I thought it was. But that's it. I'm not commenting on it further, and if you want to keep talking about it then you're fucked up people.

Originally Posted by 33girl

As far as the young lady in question's pledge program - you get out of it what you put into it. If she didn't make an effort to get to know her pledge sisters and the rest of the sorority beyond what you described, didn't attend any events beyond what was required, didn't in effect GET HER MONEY'S WORTH, I'm sorry, but that's her own damn fault. Yes, a lot of these nationally mandated programs suck ass in some areas, but there's nothing the chapter can do about it. When you have 29 pledges who are busting their butts to get to know sisters, to get to know the rest of the Greek community, to attend all the events they can, and doing it without you twisting their arms, why on earth would you bother to twist the arm of #30 who does the bare minimum? If she felt her experience so subpar, she should not have initiated.

It's like 200 in her chapter, pledge class I think close to 60. They had Wed night pledge class socials that she had late class and an 8am so didn't go to about half of those, but did try very very hard to get to know her pledge sisters. She was a couple years older then them, having transferred, and had trouble relating to a bunch of snooty 18yo girls versus some of the older actives (maybe that sounds ironic given the above info, or maybe it doesn't I don't know).

I get that her new member educator epically sucked by that chapter's standards, and that the chapter in question is weak in that area compared to presumably every other sorority on campus. But that's how it worked out. Now she's back & forth between wanting to drop and loving it.

I don't know. I don't care anymore. None of this was the point. Only that a shitty pledge program makes for a horrible greek experience. For guys at least it needs to be hard. Some chapters achieve that through hazing. Others use a range of different methods very far away from being showered with gifts. Whatever it is going to be for this guy, it's no joke & he needs to be prepared with some serious backbone to face whatever that challenge might be. That's something that actives will be looking for in the rush process, and excessive questions about hazing MAY put that in question. It would for me.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by dnall

I'm going to refuse to comment on the personal stuff, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Like I said...if you don't want people to pick it up...don't put it on the street. (ETA: LOL at the fact that I quoted the relatively benign quote, and you went back and dug your hole some more.)

Originally Posted by dnall

It's like 200 in her chapter, pledge class I think close to 60. They had Wed night pledge class socials that she had late class and an 8am so didn't go to about half of those, but did try very very hard to get to know her pledge sisters. She was a couple years older then them, having transferred, and had trouble relating to a bunch of snooty 18yo girls versus some of the older actives (maybe that sounds ironic given the above info, or maybe it doesn't I don't know).

I get that her new member educator epically sucked by that chapter's standards, and that the chapter in question is weak in that area compared to presumably every other sorority on campus. But that's how it worked out. Now she's back & forth between wanting to drop and loving it.

I'm betting that if a guy pledging your fraternity said these things, you would say "stop with the excuses. If you're not committed to this fraternity, the door is that way." But because it's a girl, she should get a pass? No.

Originally Posted by dnall

I don't know. I don't care anymore. None of this was the point. Only that a shitty pledge program makes for a horrible greek experience.

Again, excuses. Your Greek experience is what you make of it. If you want to keep blaming it on "my pledge mom didn't make sure everyone knew me" or "my pledge mom was lazy" or "my pledge mom was a bitch" - well, why not go further. Say your Greek experience is horrible because the shirt you got on bid day didn't fit, or the cheesecake you got at pref didn't have a strawberry on it and everyone else's did.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by dnall

I'm a couple years younger than that (I may have rounded up a couple years elsewhere) & she's a couple years older than you're giving her credit for, but you should still be ashamed of yourselves. I wouldn't come on here smacking someone else around over a fresh break up. That's just evil. Especially since it wasn't caused for a lack of love, friendship, or ability to relate, but because of people like yall giving each of us constant shit. If this was an interracial relationship between people of the same age you'd call people giving them crap bad people, but you try to insert yourself into our relationship without even knowing either one of us or how we felt about each other. That's fucked up. I don't care what you think it looks like on the surface. You don't think it bothered us when we figured out the age difference? It did, but love is bigger than that bullshit, or at least I thought it was. But that's it. I'm not commenting on it further, and if you want to keep talking about it then you're fucked up people.

As someone in an interracial age gap (more than 15 years) marriage, let me be the first to tell you that anything that happened between you and your lovely is completely on y'all. Nothing anyone outside of the relationship says has any bearing, whatsoever, on the success of the relationship.

You didn't end the relationship because of "constant shit." You ended it, because it wasn't a good relationship.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by dnall

I'm a couple years younger than that (I may have rounded up a couple years elsewhere) & she's a couple years older than you're giving her credit for, but you should still be ashamed of yourselves. I wouldn't come on here smacking someone else around over a fresh break up. That's just evil. Especially since it wasn't caused for a lack of love, friendship, or ability to relate, but because of people like yall giving each of us constant shit. If this was an interracial relationship between people of the same age you'd call people giving them crap bad people, but you try to insert yourself into our relationship without even knowing either one of us or how we felt about each other. That's fucked up. I don't care what you think it looks like on the surface. You don't think it bothered us when we figured out the age difference? It did, but love is bigger than that bullshit, or at least I thought it was. But that's it. I'm not commenting on it further, and if you want to keep talking about it then you're fucked up people.


It's like 200 in her chapter, pledge class I think close to 60. They had Wed night pledge class socials that she had late class and an 8am so didn't go to about half of those, but did try very very hard to get to know her pledge sisters. She was a couple years older then them, having transferred, and had trouble relating to a bunch of snooty 18yo girls versus some of the older actives (maybe that sounds ironic given the above info, or maybe it doesn't I don't know).

I get that her new member educator epically sucked by that chapter's standards, and that the chapter in question is weak in that area compared to presumably every other sorority on campus. But that's how it worked out. Now she's back & forth between wanting to drop and loving it.

I don't know. I don't care anymore. None of this was the point. Only that a shitty pledge program makes for a horrible greek experience. For guys at least it needs to be hard. Some chapters achieve that through hazing. Others use a range of different methods very far away from being showered with gifts. Whatever it is going to be for this guy, it's no joke & he needs to be prepared with some serious backbone to face whatever that challenge might be. That's something that actives will be looking for in the rush process, and excessive questions about hazing MAY put that in question. It would for me.

You're blaming everyone else for your breakup? Of course. You and your ex were just like some kind of modern Capulet and Montegue. Those big meanies outside your relationships dis-troyed yew! Or maybe she just was done having some old dude gossiping on the internet about the chapters at her school.