Getting Married Young- Why?

[thetaj]

I'm 20. I go to a really big church, and there are currently 10 COUPLES, not people, but couples, in my age group, about 18-22, who got engaged this year. My boyfriend of 2 years & I just broke up a month or so ago. We had talked about getting married after college, it was actually kind of the plan. And, as upset as I am about the break-up/having my vision of the future shattered, I am SO RELIEVED that we didn't get married already. Don't get me wrong, I loved this boy. I WANTED to spend the rest of my life with him. But after some fresh air and healthy flirting with all those other fish in the sea, I realize that there IS someone better out there for me. I recognize parts of our relationship that were unhealthy and over the course of several years would wear me out & break me down.

This probably sounds really scatter-brained, but I'm glad I can see now what I couldn't then. Now I feel like all of my friends who are engaged are committing WAY too early/young. The thing is, I only knew what kind of person I would become BECAUSE I saw my future with him. I never formed an identity/future apart from him, maybe because we dated from age 18-20, those vital years.. I honestly have no idea what I want out of life, out of myself, anything. I feel like everyone should figure that out before they find their "other half." (But I also realize that I don't know what will work for everyone, and I wish all of my friends the absolute best )

Anyways, I have said all of that to say... I won't be getting married young. I'm gonna take my sweet time and enjoy life for me.

(whew)

so yeah to everyone who witnessed that crap I put on the D&R random thread a month ago: happy? lol. (I am.)

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by thetaj

I'm 20. I go to a really big church, and there are currently 10 COUPLES, not people, but couples, in my age group, about 18-22, who got engaged this year. My boyfriend of 2 years & I just broke up a month or so ago. We had talked about getting married after college, it was actually kind of the plan. And, as upset as I am about the break-up/having my vision of the future shattered, I am SO RELIEVED that we didn't get married already. Don't get me wrong, I loved this boy. I WANTED to spend the rest of my life with him. But after some fresh air and healthy flirting with all those other fish in the sea, I realize that there IS someone better out there for me. I recognize parts of our relationship that were unhealthy and over the course of several years would wear me out & break me down.

This probably sounds really scatter-brained, but I'm glad I can see now what I couldn't then. Now I feel like all of my friends who are engaged are committing WAY too early/young. The thing is, I only knew what kind of person I would become BECAUSE I saw my future with him. I never formed an identity/future apart from him, maybe because we dated from age 18-20, those vital years.. I honestly have no idea what I want out of life, out of myself, anything. I feel like everyone should figure that out before they find their "other half." (But I also realize that I don't know what will work for everyone, and I wish all of my friends the absolute best )

Anyways, I have said all of that to say... I won't be getting married young. I'm gonna take my sweet time and enjoy life for me.

(whew)

so yeah to everyone who witnessed that crap I put on the D&R random thread a month ago: happy? lol. (I am.)

You seem to have the right attitude about it.

You'll see as you grow that the things you think you want at age 20 aren't always the same things you know you want at age 30.

[amanda6035]

I was 26 when I married my husband, who I met in the military and is 2 years older than me. He had been divorced, because he got married at 19, when he was brand new in the military. You think college students are marriage crazy? Think about those who go straight into the military at 18 years old. THOSE are some crazy folks. Especially with the military's jacked up pay scale - they are encouraging folks to get married by saying "If you have dependents, you get more money." And so, they do. I can't even begin to tell you how many of my fellow sailors got married as soon as they were out of bootcamp, or at their first duty station. A few weeks, a couple of months, it was done. And then came the divorces.

I almost fell into a trap with another guy I dated in the military. Thank goodness I didnt become one of those statistics.

I dated my husband the whole time I was in college and we got married in October after I graduated in May - but I was 26, not, 22.

I only know of one couple who married before they were 25 who are still married today.

Several of my sorority sisters got engaged and married while still in school, and these were sisters who were typical college age. At least wait until you're finished with school....sheesh!

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by amanda6035

You think college students are marriage crazy? Think about those who go straight into the military at 18 years old. THOSE are some crazy folks. Especially with the military's jacked up pay scale - they are encouraging folks to get married by saying "If you have dependents, you get more money." And so, they do. I can't even begin to tell you how many of my fellow sailors got married as soon as they were out of bootcamp, or at their first duty station. A few weeks, a couple of months, it was done. And then came the divorces.

Did you know a lot of people who went into the military in order to get married?

That happened to my cousin. He was sprung over his girlfriend, he didn't care too much about going to college, and my aunt was too busy rutting men she met on BlackPlanet to care what her son was doing. So, he enlisted in 2001, his girlfriend barely finished HS and they got married as soon as she graduated from HS (like, the next day). Surprisingly, they're still together 8 years later. I do know a ton of other people who tried the same thing and it didn't work out so well.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

men she met on BlackPlanet to care what her son was doing.

*shudders*

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

*shudders*

LOL, this was like 8-10 years ago, so maybe there weren't a lot of sites like they are today?

She would travel across the country to schtupp these men, and didn't pay attention to the fact that her son was running up $1,000 phone bills and barely passing his classes. He was that sprung on this chick.

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Did you know a lot of people who went into the military in order to get married?

That happened to my cousin. He was sprung over his girlfriend, he didn't care too much about going to college, and my aunt was too busy rutting men she met on BlackPlanet to care what her son was doing. So, he enlisted in 2001, his girlfriend barely finished HS and they got married as soon as she graduated from HS (like, the next day). Surprisingly, they're still together 8 years later. I do know a ton of other people who tried the same thing and it didn't work out so well.

If you read the personal ads on CL for towns that have nearby military towns occasionally you'll see women propositioning "mutually rewarding" marriage to military guys, sometimes just for Tricare.

The Military doesn't outright encourage their soldiers getting married but they sure as hell reward it with their BAH rates. There was a thread or discussion on this topic here prolly about 4 or 5 years ago.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

If you read the personal ads on CL for towns that have nearby military towns occasionally you'll see women propositioning "mutually rewarding" marriage to military guys, sometimes just for Tricare.

The Military doesn't outright encourage their soldiers getting married but they sure as hell reward it with their BAH rates. There was a thread or discussion on this topic here prolly about 4 or 5 years ago.

Hell, if you walk around Killeen/Ft Hood, you'll hear women/GIs propositioning lol

But Tricare was on point...

[pbear19]

I'll echo all the folks who have said it depends on the people involved. I never planned to marry young, but it worked out that I met the perfect guy. We are the same age. Engaged at 21, married at 23, and will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary in May. I've never regretted marrying him when I did, and I don't think we had any issues because of our age.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

If you read the personal ads on CL for towns that have nearby military towns occasionally you'll see women propositioning "mutually rewarding" marriage to military guys, sometimes just for Tricare.

The Military doesn't outright encourage their soldiers getting married but they sure as hell reward it with their BAH rates. There was a thread or discussion on this topic here prolly about 4 or 5 years ago.

I grew up in a military town, and that doesn't surprise me at all.

[sceniczip]

Originally Posted by amanda6035

I was 26 when I married my husband, who I met in the military and is 2 years older than me. He had been divorced, because he got married at 19, when he was brand new in the military. You think college students are marriage crazy? Think about those who go straight into the military at 18 years old. THOSE are some crazy folks. Especially with the military's jacked up pay scale - they are encouraging folks to get married by saying "If you have dependents, you get more money." And so, they do. I can't even begin to tell you how many of my fellow sailors got married as soon as they were out of bootcamp, or at their first duty station. A few weeks, a couple of months, it was done. And then came the divorces.

A girl I board with recently rushed into a marriage with an air force guy *just* for the money. They were going to get married late next year but he told her they could get more money so she married him. They want to have another wedding next year
Another girl is marrying her fiance who's a marine. They've been dating for years and years so I have no problems with this one. In fact, I'm quite excited
Sorority sister and her fiance (army?) are getting married in May. He graduated last May and she graduates in a week. They've been dating for about 4 years but I can't imagine getting married as soon as I graduate. I want a steady job with a steady income.