lady_chem's Disappointing Recruitment

[33girl]

Originally Posted by lady_chem

I never felt any sort of bond with DEF, but I just knew ABC would be the best match for me.

OK, at such a small school/rush I can say this with authority. ABC was NOT the best match for you. You have to trust the girls at ABC on this one. Don't be angry with them or think you failed - in chapters/rushes this small it's not as though you fell through the cracks. It's not a matter of liking someone or not liking someone, it's a matter of who fits where. There are women who went through rush that I loved to death but I knew they would not fit into our chapter or be happy there.

Reading back over your posts, it honestly sounds like you had the most positive things to say about DEF, the ones who gave you a bid. Look back over these posts and pretend someone else wrote them, and then tell us what you think.

As far of the girls that made fun of the group where they are now, it's possible they were doing so as a self-defense mechanism - to cut their losses in case they didn't get a bid.

I'll say what I said before: from now on, ABC and XYZ do not exist. They have ceased to be. You have to quit saying "IF I would have gotten a bid to one of the other 2 groups, THEN I would have been happy." (FWIW, it's a pretty good plan to not say "If ___________, then I would have been happy" in general for life.)

[qbt1990]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OK, at such a small school/rush I can say this with authority. ABC was NOT the best match for you. You have to trust the girls at ABC on this one.

This is sooo true. ABC made your decision for you, and honestly, do you really want to be part of a group that didn't think you'd fit in with them?

[AnchorAlumna]

Please consider sticking with your group at least a couple more weeks. You're not eligible to pledge anywhere else for a year anyway. The first gathering or two can be awkward as you get to know each other. At least give it a chance.

[thetygerlily]

Originally Posted by 33girl

OK, at such a small school/rush I can say this with authority. ABC was NOT the best match for you. You have to trust the girls at ABC on this one. Don't be angry with them or think you failed - in chapters/rushes this small it's not as though you fell through the cracks. It's not a matter of liking someone or not liking someone, it's a matter of who fits where. There are women who went through rush that I loved to death but I knew they would not fit into our chapter or be happy there.

As someone who went through a very small system as well (~30 PNMs during formal with 3 chapters), this is what rings most true to me out of all the comments in this thread. When I went through, I was absolutely crushed that my ABC cut me. I was trying to figure out my chances of getting in through informal, whether it was worth joining another group, and just agonizing. I spent several hours trying to decide whether to sign my bid card for DEF. But you know what? I took a chance on DEF who really, really wanted me and they were right. I didn't fit in at ABC but I didn't realize it at the time. I didn't realize that for another year or two, not until I got to know all the chapters better. I still have a lot of respect for all of them, it just wasn't right for me.

So ditto what everyone else has said. I know it's hard- I really do. But put everything you've got into your new member period with DEF and see what happens. If it's not the right place for you, then you know you gave it your best effort & you can possibly try to go through formal again next year (but there's no way to know how that'll wind up). If it is the right place for you, then awesome. You took a chance and it paid off, big time. Membership is for life- while I am incredibly close to many of my chapter sisters several years after college, I'm also so proud to be part of my organization on a national level. Truly, you don't know until you try.

Best of luck to you.

[Splash]

Question? I often hear the phrase tossed around, they wouldn't fit in that chapter. What if that is the chapter they end up with a bid too? Would you still encourage them to give it a shot? Can a PNM really fit with any chapter through effort and open-mindedness?

[thetygerlily]

Originally Posted by Splash

Question? I often hear the phrase tossed around, they wouldn't fit in that chapter. What if that is the chapter they end up with a bid too? Would you still encourage them to give it a shot? Can a PNM really fit with any chapter through effort and open-mindedness?

Usually it's the chapter that has a clearer view of this- they are the ones who know the chapter the best and know what they need, want, and can deal with. A dealbreaker for one chapter might be highly desired in another chapter. Like leadership- you can't have a chapter full of leaders who don't also know how to follow. The leader goes through recruitment and has a lot to offer, but her first choice chapter doesn't see it the same way because they already have too many people with that character trait. Or vice versa with followers- a chapter full of followers with no clear leaders won't go anywhere. Okay, that's kind of a simplified version but hopefully that gets the point across. It doesn't always work out, we're all human. But ultimately the chapters are the authorities on best fit.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Splash

Question? I often hear the phrase tossed around, they wouldn't fit in that chapter. What if that is the chapter they end up with a bid to? Would you still encourage them to give it a shot? Can a PNM really fit with any chapter through effort and open-mindedness?

That honestly depends on the size of the chapter and the Greek system as a whole.

It also depends if that phrase means "I felt like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs" or "I felt like Grace Kelly in a room full of Roseanne Barrs."

But in general, making a permanent decision that you "don't fit" is not advisable if you've given it less than 72 hours, no matter the size of the group.