lady_chem's Disappointing Recruitment

[lady_chem]

I was SO excited for Bid Day! The thought of it got me through the week. We weren't allowed to open our envelopes until everyone got them. I opened mine up to find a card for DEF. My first thought was a mix of sadness, hurt, and confusion. I wasn't sure what to think, I wanted one of the other two so badly! I didn't think it went bad at all at any of the parties.

We had maybe 30 girls at Bid Day, 4 of which are in DEF (that includes me). I know the numbers of DEF are smaller because they're newer, but I'm hurt that out of all that are in the other chapters, somehow I didn't make it. I never felt any sort of bond with DEF, but I just knew ABC would be the best match for me.

Perhaps I didn't make my interest clear enough. Maybe I shouldn't have put down DEF despite the fact that I didn't feel like I was meant for it.

After we opened our bids, we went with our group to hang out for the night. DEF doesn't have a house/suite/block of rooms, so we went to the house that one of the active's boyfriend is renting. Half an hour away. I felt so out of place the entire evening. I wanted to give them another chance, but I still didn't feel it whatsoever. I wanted to leave, but didn't because a) we were far from campus, and b) I didn't want to be rude. They were all so nice to me anyway, why should I be rude? I ended up leaving earlier with a group going back to deliver bids to athletes returning from competition.

I got to my room and started bawling. I'm not supposed to feel this awful on Bid Day! Everyone kept talking about how they just got this feeling they belonged, and how it felt like home. I don't have that feeling. I just feel dread and hurt.

I feel rejected. I've been rejected from various social situations my whole life, and I knew I found somewhere where I would belong and be accepted.

I called one of our Membership Recruitment Counselors (essentially our version of Rho Chi) to talk about my feelings. We're going to meet tomorrow to talk things over. I'm not sure what that will do, but at this point I'm not planning on staying with DEF. I just don't feel it.

The thing that bugs me most is that two girls in my MRC group would always complain and make fun of stuff ABC did at their parties, and would go on about how stupid and cheesy it was. I found it beautiful. They both are in ABC now. I want to be slightly infuriated.

There's my (really long) recruitment story. I needed to share it somewhere.