How to make it work?

lechat · #1 09-11-2010, 05:33 PM

So, I got a bid today to a house that I didn't feel a huge connection with through recruitment. Out of all of the houses though, it was my second choice. I went to pref night to this house and my top choice.

My FIRST choice - I absolutely loved/felt at home/loved the girls there. It was really heartbreaking for me to open the bid because I felt like everything was so sure there.

While, the second.. I feel like i've only had good conversations with maybe two girls and those were all outside of recruitment. I'm not very comfortable there and I feel like I don't have a lot in common with anyone.

I am thankful that the second house chose me, but I feel terrible that I'm not as excited as everyone who just knew that it was their home.

Any advice?

ree-Xi · #2 09-11-2010, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lechat

So, I got a bid today to a house that I didn't feel a huge connection with through recruitment. Out of all of the houses though, it was my second choice. I went to pref night to this house and my top choice.

My FIRST choice - I absolutely loved/felt at home/loved the girls there. It was really heartbreaking for me to open the bid because I felt like everything was so sure there.

While, the second.. I feel like i've only had good conversations with maybe two girls and those were all outside of recruitment. I'm not very comfortable there and I feel like I don't have a lot in common with anyone.

I am thankful that the second house chose me, but I feel terrible that I'm not as excited as everyone who just knew that it was their home.

Any advice?

Give it time. Make an effort to get to know your pledge sisters and the active members. Eat lunch together, go to the library or gym together, walk to class together, etc. If there is a house, spend time there at meals and during down time. The best friendships happen when you spend time doing "nothing". Find things that you enjoy about your new sorority and your new sisters. If you look for the good in something, you'll find it.

Above all, be gracious and open.

lechat · #3 09-11-2010, 05:44 PM

Thanks for the reply. I'm really going to try.

It's just so hard because I really felt like I fit in at the other house. I'm going to seek a lot of the girls out that I met there as friends anyway because we really did hit it off.

I just feel like it's a lot of money to not REALLY be happy, so I'm trying very hard to stay positive and optimistic. I still feel a bit let down though. I just don't want to go into the next phase of membership sad about it all.

ree-Xi · #4 09-11-2010, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lechat

Thanks for the reply. I'm really going to try.

It's just so hard because I really felt like I fit in at the other house. I'm going to seek a lot of the girls out that I met there as friends anyway because we really did hit it off.

I just feel like it's a lot of money to not REALLY be happy, so I'm trying very hard to stay positive and optimistic. I still feel a bit let down though. I just don't want to go into the next phase of membership sad about it all.

Seriously, figure out what you DO like about your new sorority and your sisters. Instead of focusing what "isn't", focus on what you have. They were your second choice, so there is stuff you must have liked. What are those things? Who are the girls you clicked with? There are probably plenty of girls who would love to be where you are.

You need to stop sulking and move on. THIS group wanted you most. Be a big girl, open your eyes and mind to what's in front of you. How "bad" is the situation that you can't find anything/enough to be happy about?

BraveMaroon · #5 09-11-2010, 06:24 PM

I know you may feel like you have lost out on something, but any time there are multiple outcomes to a situation, for everything you lose for Outcome A, you'll gain something from Outcome B.

Also, you just got your bid. You haven't spent enough time with either house to know you were completely in love with one, or vaguely lukewarm with the other.

I agree with Ree-Xi. Go in, get to know your PNM Class, seek out the sisters you enjoyed talking with - they'll lead you to other people you can connect with.

Unless both houses are filled with complete clones, I bet you'll find some sisters who give you the same warm fuzzy that you got at the other house.

But in order to get something out of your experience there, you have to be open to accepting it.

Titchou · #6 09-11-2010, 06:47 PM

True story about a close friend of mine. Went thru recruitment and got her second choice. Was not real enthusiastic as she loved group #1. She went anyway just to see if she could make it work. Fast forward 4 years, she graduates and goes to work for them as a traveling consultant. Fast forward 15 years and she's on their National Council as a Vice President. These women picked YOU. Don't make it look like they made a mistake by making one of your own. Give it a chance. Someone loves you and there is no price tag on that.

LucyKKG · #7 09-11-2010, 07:53 PM

Even people who get their first choice aren't immediately comfortable with a hundred brand new BFFs. It takes time to form those bonds with your new sisters. There will be plenty of events for you to get to know them in the coming weeks, so take advantage of those opportunities.

AOII Angel · #8 09-11-2010, 08:02 PM

Best advice I can give you is forget about your favorite group. You didn't make it into that group so focusing on them will only cause you heartache and ruin your chances of finding a place in the group that gave you a bid.

Realize right now that recruitment is the most fake and contrived environment that does NOT in anyway reflect what life in a sorority actually is like. Seriously, do you think that all the sisters stand and the door and chant every time you come to the house for a meeting? Having a recruitment conversation can be really awkward. Real conversations don't happen that way. You also probably met only at most a 10th of the women in your new chapter. Even if you'd joined your favorite group, you really were only joining because you knew a small percentage of the members. Go out and meet more of the women. Meet the new members in your pledge class. There WILL be members who you will find things that you have in common. The key is to give yourself the chance to make the connections without sabotaging yourself by continuing to wish for the other chapter. That possibility is gone so leave it behind you.

Good luck!

Benzgirl · #9 09-11-2010, 08:04 PM

Based on your prior posts, you are a junior, and since you accepted your bid, won't have a chance to pledge again until your senior year. Chances are slim to none that you will get a bid when a senior. AOPi Angel is right...time to move on.

My advice is to step it up and be an adult. In life, we don't often work with people we like but need to make it work. Connect with your pledge sisters. I'm sure you will find something in common with someone. Remember, being in a sorority is not about 2-4 years. It's a lifetime commitment.

lechat · #10 09-12-2010, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

Based on your prior posts, you are a junior, and since you accepted your bid, won't have a chance to pledge again until your senior year. Chances are slim to none that you will get a bid when a senior. AOPi Angel is right...time to move on.

My advice is to step it up and be an adult. In life, we don't often work with people we like but need to make it work. Connect with your pledge sisters. I'm sure you will find something in common with someone. Remember, being in a sorority is not about 2-4 years. It's a lifetime commitment.

I never even considered not accepting the bid? Or dropping out? I trusted the fact that those girls chose me - I was just having trouble adjusting.

I felt uncomfortable at first and I wasn't sure how it would work out. It IS a lot of money to pay if you're not happy - but I certainly wasn't considering dropping out. And not because I'm a junior and wouldn't get a bid...

but because these ladies put time and effort into getting to know me and choosing me for their chapter. That's worth something to me. I didn't approach joining lightly.

Jobellesis · #11 09-12-2010, 11:14 AM

You didn't appear bratty to me. I think I know what you felt. I probably had the same feelings. I'm glad you've settled in. Congratulations and enjoy being part of a great sisterhood.

Alumiyum · #12 09-11-2010, 11:35 PM

If you go into it thinking about how much you wanted your first choice, you won't even be able to give your second choice a chance. And I know being a new member is expensive, but since you're stuck for a year, you should stick with it for now. It's great that you still plan to make friends with the women you met from the other sorority, but give that a little time. They're busy with their new members and you need to get busy with your new pledge class. Forget about the other organization for right now and focus on this one. If for some reason you just can't stand it before initiation, you can drop, but focus on making it work.

And I loved my years as a collegian, but think of these 4 years as 4 years out of 70+ you have left. Because once you're initiated you have a lifetime to be a member.

33girl · #13 09-12-2010, 12:27 AM

From now on - that other house DOES NOT EXIST. It has ceased to be. It has dropped off the face of the earth. Quit thinking about it, talking about it, or comparing anything to it.

Concentrate on meeting and making connections with the girls in the house that DID like you enough to offer you a bid.

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll find you get what you need."

KSUViolet06 · #14 09-12-2010, 12:33 AM

Good reads that might help you a little:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ghlight=choice

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ghlight=choice

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=112091

Regina.George · #15 09-12-2010, 12:53 AM

I agree with everyone else. You have to forget about the other house completely. A lot of the things you think they are probably aren't even completely true. Recruitment is a big dog and pony show where everyone puts their best foot forward, so you're never really getting the full picture. Chapters chose and don't chose people for reasons. They really do know themselves best and who will or won't fit in the best.

I know you probably can't imagine this right now, but eventually you may very well realize that you were really better off where you are. Concentrate on what you DO have and try to forget the "what ifs." Life is too short not to make the most of every minute.