Texas A&M Recruitment...as a junior?

[amperches]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

This is dead-on accurate. I am sorry amperches, but at a school like A&M rushing as a sophomore is difficult as it is. Now that you are looking at rushing as a junior- especially since you are already an A&M student and have gone through recruitment plus turned down a bid, in all honesty I do not see prospects for you in rush next year. You never know, but if you are asking the odds based on what info you have given us, they are not good at all.

If you really want to give sorority life a chance, doing what DubaiSis suggests is the only chance I can see at this point- and even then that is not necessarily going to be easy.

Why were you uncomfortable in that house? Members of that house clearly saw something in you that they thought made you worth bidding. Rush can be a very overwhelming process for PNMs, and it is not uncommon for young women to not get their first choices only to be very happy later when they accept the bid they received.

If you have any interest in giving that house a chance and can generate some sincere enthusiasm about it, call the Greek Life office TODAY, say you made a mistake, were overwhelmed by the process- whatever honest excuse you can offer, and see if there is a chance of accepting that bid.

I have no idea if it will be possible at this point (it is certainly nowhere close to certain or even likely), but under these circumstances it is worth at least asking provided you are willing to give that chapter a chance.

I was uncomfortable in the house from day one. The sister who picked me up at the door seemed uninterested in telling me about her sorority, and when I would ask questions, she would not give me a clear answer or would deviate from my question completely. Later in the week, when I went back for Pref Night, I had expressed that I had found my home elsewhere. The sister with whom I was talking told me that she thought that was wonderful and that she wasn't going to try and force her sorority on me now because I had already found a home elsewhere. She also said that many of the girls they asked back were asked back to fill quota (apparently they never fill theirs). I thought that being energetic about one's sorority and trying to gain new members was what rush was all about. The fact that the sisters I spoke with were disinterested in their sorority turned me off from it and the fact that I was asked back only to fill quota, not because they truly wanted me, both angered and hurt me. I do not want to be a part of something due to numbers. I want to be with sisters who truly want me there and really care about me as a person, not as a number.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by amperches

I was uncomfortable in the house from day one. The sister who picked me up at the door seemed uninterested in telling me about her sorority, and when I would ask questions, she would not give me a clear answer or would deviate from my question completely. Later in the week, when I went back for Pref Night, I had expressed that I had found my home elsewhere. The sister with whom I was talking told me that she thought that was wonderful and that she wasn't going to try and force her sorority on me now because I had already found a home elsewhere. She also said that many of the girls they asked back were asked back to fill quota (apparently they never fill theirs). I thought that being energetic about one's sorority and trying to gain new members was what rush was all about. The fact that the sisters I spoke with were disinterested in their sorority turned me off from it and the fact that I was asked back only to fill quota, not because they truly wanted me, both angered and hurt me. I do not want to be a part of something due to numbers. I want to be with sisters who truly want me there and really care about me as a person, not as a number.

I bet she didn't mean for you to think you were asked back just to fill quota, but was speaking more freely because you said you didn't want that sorority. You have to be open enough to look past a couple of rushers who are a little inept. Remember, they're just 18-22 year old women, not professionals.

Regardless, you've learned your lesson. If you knew on pref night you had no intention whatsoever of pledging that sorority, you should have single preferenced. I don't usually encourage that, but if you know you will turn down a bid to another sorority, why risk binding yourself for a year? And once you have gotten a bid and will be prevented from rushing for a year, why not give it a try? You could always have de-pledged before initiation, but you might have found that the chapter is a great fit, just not good at recruitment. It sounds like alums and students from your school are telling you too bad. If you want to go through recruitment again, do it, but take their advice into account and know your chances are slim.

[33girl]

If a rushee straight up said to me "I've found my home elsewhere" before pref even STARTED I wouldn't be too excited about talking to her either and I probably would vent out anything else I was feeling.

Did the "home" you found (I'm assuming the other group you went to pref at) promise you a bid outright? If so, you should report them to Panhel. At any rate, to say such a thing to another sorority unless you are standing there with the bid card in your hand is a HUGE NO NO.

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by amperches

I was uncomfortable in the house from day one. The sister who picked me up at the door seemed uninterested in telling me about her sorority, and when I would ask questions, she would not give me a clear answer or would deviate from my question completely. Later in the week, when I went back for Pref Night, I had expressed that I had found my home elsewhere. The sister with whom I was talking told me that she thought that was wonderful and that she wasn't going to try and force her sorority on me now because I had already found a home elsewhere. She also said that many of the girls they asked back were asked back to fill quota (apparently they never fill theirs). I thought that being energetic about one's sorority and trying to gain new members was what rush was all about. The fact that the sisters I spoke with were disinterested in their sorority turned me off from it and the fact that I was asked back only to fill quota, not because they truly wanted me, both angered and hurt me. I do not want to be a part of something due to numbers. I want to be with sisters who truly want me there and really care about me as a person, not as a number.

Thank you for clarifying. I know my way around the Texas system in general terms, but as a fraternity guy I am not intimately familiar with all of the minutiae of sorority rush. So on that score, I have to defer to the sorority members who have posted on the specifics of preffing/suiciding and what might have been best. You have heard from some of the best and most experienced posters on greekchat.

And to reiterate a key point I can speak to- if the chapter was trying to meet quota and had not, amperches did not cost anyone else a bid by going all the way through and declining what was offered.

In a more general sense without getting into the specifics, once you found yourself in the spot of getting this bid and no other- I appreciate and understand your reaction. No matter what you might have said during parties, it hardly is going to make you enthusiastic to feel like the sorority you rushed is just trying to fill quota.

I am sorry it did not work out for you, and however you got there- for what it is worth I totally understand why you declined your bid. This is one of those cases where- based on what you have posted- it makes very good sense to say no and move on.

As for the future, you seem a very sensible person to me. You now know that it is going to be very hard to rush as a junior, and so I say have a great sophomore year and see how you feel come next summer. As calm and considered as you have been in your posts here, I get the feeling that you will make a wise decision and be just fine with whatever path evolves.

[Mevara]

Originally Posted by amperches

I was uncomfortable in the house from day one. The sister who picked me up at the door seemed uninterested in telling me about her sorority, and when I would ask questions, she would not give me a clear answer or would deviate from my question completely. Later in the week, when I went back for Pref Night, I had expressed that I had found my home elsewhere. The sister with whom I was talking told me that she thought that was wonderful and that she wasn't going to try and force her sorority on me now because I had already found a home elsewhere. She also said that many of the girls they asked back were asked back to fill quota (apparently they never fill theirs). I thought that being energetic about one's sorority and trying to gain new members was what rush was all about. The fact that the sisters I spoke with were disinterested in their sorority turned me off from it and the fact that I was asked back only to fill quota, not because they truly wanted me, both angered and hurt me. I do not want to be a part of something due to numbers. I want to be with sisters who truly want me there and really care about me as a person, not as a number.

One thing I never understood was why chapters had to have everyone who came to their pref party somewhere on their bid list. Would someone explain this? If someone had come to ABC's pref and said I don't want to be here I want to be with XYZ. I think ABC should be allowed not to even list them on their bid list. I know you could list them at the very end of your list, but there is always a chance that they still end up on ABC's bid list.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Mevara

One thing I never understood was why chapters had to have everyone who came to their pref party somewhere on their bid list. Would someone explain this? If someone had come to ABC's pref and said I don't want to be here I want to be with XYZ. I think ABC should be allowed not to even list them on their bid list. I know you could list them at the very end of your list, but there is always a chance that they still end up on ABC's bid list.

It's part of "the rules" about when bid lists are submitted. Most chapters are not amending them after pref starts. If the PNM really feels that way she can decline the bid.

[Mevara]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

It's part of "the rules" about when bid lists are submitted. Most chapters are not amending them after pref starts. If the PNM really feels that way she can decline the bid.

I know its part of the rules, but I was wondering if someone knew the reasoning behind it? Personally I think its a silly rule.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Mevara

I know its part of the rules, but I was wondering if someone knew the reasoning behind it? Personally I think its a silly rule.

Well, it's an NPC agreement which means that at least a majority of the NPC members agreed on it. (not sure if it's unanimous or not) Reasons behind it? It means that bid matching can begin immediately after pref without waiting for MS. It means that pref is more about the actives impressing the PNMs than vice versa, and it means the sororities will not invite PNMs back that they don't intend to keep. Those are the reasons i see, I don't know if there's anything else involved.

I'd think the occasions are very few where a chapter would dramatically change its mind about a PNM during pref.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Mevara

One thing I never understood was why chapters had to have everyone who came to their pref party somewhere on their bid list. Would someone explain this? If someone had come to ABC's pref and said I don't want to be here I want to be with XYZ. I think ABC should be allowed not to even list them on their bid list. I know you could list them at the very end of your list, but there is always a chance that they still end up on ABC's bid list.

Some sororities/chapters are at schools where rush is far more casual, pref is the ONLY invitational party (i.e. sororities are not allowed to cut ANYONE before pref) and I highly doubt that everyone who is invited to that party HAS to be on a chapter's bid list. I'm not sure where "this is a rule like sorority members have to be enrolled at the school they're rushing at" came from.

pabeta: Another rushee might look at this thread in a year and see your bad advice and think she'll be fine rushing as a junior. So yes, it DOES matter to more people than the OP.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Some sororities/chapters are at schools where rush is far more casual, pref is the ONLY invitational party (i.e. sororities are not allowed to cut ANYONE before pref) and I highly doubt that everyone who is invited to that party HAS to be on a chapter's bid list. I'm not sure where "this is a rule like sorority members have to be enrolled at the school they're rushing at" came from.

It's in the Green book actually. And a hard and fast rule:

Resolved (2005), That the NPC reaffirms that a fraternity should be willing to issue an invitation to membership to any woman who is invited and attends its Preference event.
Resolved (2005), That NPC reaffirms that the name of every woman whom a fraternity invites to attend and who attends that fraternity’s Preference event should appear on the fraternity’s bid list.

Repeated several times, assigning responsibility to the recruitment chairman to ensure that this is the case, etc. It seems that any time there are preference events and bid lists these must occur and that includes Partially Structured where Pref may be the only invitational. In that case it's not much different from COBs... you just don't invite anyone to the last event who you don't want to bid.

[33girl]

I read it differently, rather that a "preference event" seems like a very fluid concept that a school can define however they want.

If it's a situation where, as I said, preference is the FIRST AND ONLY time where you can cut anyone and ergo there's been no mutual selection process up until then, and RFM obviously is nonexistent, I don't see how ANY sorority in that situation could be expected to be that much of a mindreader. Either you 1) invite only your favorites [from, usually at the most, an informational and one party] to pref and hope to God that they all like you too or 2) cover your ass and invite everyone.

It just seems kind of asinine for NPC to advocate these different recruitment styles and then pass a rule that would be difficult to follow if you're using anything other than formal rush.

I mean, I went to 5 pref parties. I seriously doubt that I was on 5 bid lists.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I read it differently, rather that a "preference event" seems like a very fluid concept that a school can define however they want.

If it's a situation where, as I said, preference is the FIRST AND ONLY time where you can cut anyone and ergo there's been no mutual selection process up until then, and RFM obviously is nonexistent, I don't see how ANY sorority in that situation could be expected to be that much of a mindreader. Either you 1) invite only your favorites [from, usually at the most, an informational and one party] to pref and hope to God that they all like you too or 2) cover your ass and invite everyone.

It just seems kind of asinine for NPC to advocate these different recruitment styles and then pass a rule that would be difficult to follow if you're using anything other than formal rush.

I mean, I went to 5 pref parties. I seriously doubt that I was on 5 bid lists.

The guide describes what a preference event is too actually. It's fairly comprehensive. If it's a minimally structured recruitment without bid lists it's probably not an issue. If it's partially structured it is.

Check your HQ website for a copy and look it up. I know you're incredulous about it, but the reason why it's being treated like a "rule" is because it is one. And it's one that's mentioned easily a dozen times.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

The guide describes what a preference event is too actually. It's fairly comprehensive. If it's a minimally structured recruitment without bid lists it's probably not an issue. If it's partially structured it is.

Check your HQ website for a copy and look it up. I know you're incredulous about it, but the reason why it's being treated like a "rule" is because it is one. And it's one that's mentioned easily a dozen times.

Why on earth would we have a copy of the Green Book on our website?

Is it on the NPC site? If so, just give me a link.