I agree with Carnation. A post-collegiate woman knows that sororities provide a wealth of connections and leadership opportunities that extend well past her relatively brief time in school.
But a young, 18 (19, 20-) year old girl is looking for friends. She's looking for a home. She wants to have fun. If she's gone back to a particular chapter three times or more, and she still hasn't found any friends or potential friends, I can't blame her for dropping the chapter or recruitment entirely.
I think where the advice "keep an open mind" comes in handiest is when a girl has gone back at least three times and still feels iffy about a chapter or just doesn't know.
I liked most of the chapters at my school when I went through recruitment. I even liked chapters that in retrospect were not a good fit for me, lol. And although I could point out some of the more popular chapters, I was largely unaware of tiers. Even if I had been aware, I don't think it would have mattered much. I was looking for a good fit.
There were two chapters that almost right from the beginning were a clear, "no." Yet I kept going back, giving them a chance. Both were strong national orgs.
Chapter A -- all of these girls that I met were in-state at a school that attracted many, many out of state kids, from all over the country. I had traveled thousands of miles to come to this school. This was worrisome, but not a deal-breaker. The deal-breaker was that the girls that I met had never traveled out of state, much less out of the country. I just felt that I didn't have much in common with them. In addition, I was quite sporty in college, and none of the girls that I met engaged in my (quite common) sport. No match.
(This chapter folded some years later. This was not a surprise to me.)
Chapter B -- was somewhat more promising than Chapter A. They had absolutely the prettiest, most beautifully decorated house on campus -- a real showplace. They were a smaller chapter, so they had to double- and triple-rush at times. This confused me, clueless rushee that I was, but it wasn't a deal-breaker. There was one girl that I liked -- I wasn't sure if she was BFF material, but I liked her. There was also one distinctly odd girl, with very stare-y eyes, who spoke as if she were talking from a million miles away, along with a few others who seemed "off." Collectively, they reminded me of a girl that I has met in high school who was a member of a fringe religious group. Just off. Also, they brought out an elderly alumna who sang one of their songs with them. With the benefit of hindsight, I think this was an incredibly sweet thing. As a young girl, I just didn't get it. I wasn't going through rush to hang out with my mom! No match.
(This group went through many tough years, but eventually turned into a strong chapter. I could see the positives even as a rushee, so this wasn't a surprise to me. I just didn't feel a match with the chapter as it was at the time.)
So, if I were to give advice to young PNM's...it would be to make a commitment to yourself to see the process through to prefs. If you're feeling iffy about a chapter (no strong feelings about it one way or the other,) that's a chapter that you really should take a close look at and give a chance. But if you are still finding a chapter a clear "no" after prefs, there's no shame in not signing your bid card. You will find your friends elsewhere.
Hybrid Mode
