Picky dinner guests (kids)

[FSUZeta]

our very wise pediatrician once told me that she had yet to see a child who would voluntarily starve her/himself to death. this after i was concerned when one of my children did not want to stop whatever activity he/she was engaged in and sit down to eat.

we always asked our daughter and son to give everything a try-just one bite. they have never been picky eaters, and i am so grateful for that. i also think that it makes life easier for them.

when they were little they were both diagnosed with multiple food allergies-which effected them mainly histimically. we did our best to avoid those foods-chocolate was a big no-no. i would take along a vanilla cupcake to birthday parties when i knew that the hostess was serving chocolate cake. of course, my kids would have rather had the chocolate(and i can't blame them!) but they ate the vanilla. luckily, chocolate seems to no longer bother them.

the same goes for your nieces and nephews. if they get hungry enough, they will find something that they will eat. when my children had friends over and the friends did not like what i had cooked, they were invited to make themselves a sandwich-themselves(of course, these were school aged children). your nieces and nephews are of the age where they are capable of making a sandwich. i think it is time to quit catering to their ridiculous whims.

[AGDee]

If a child isn't rude about it, what's the problem with them NOT eating stuff they don't like? I truly don't understand why my mother always forced it on me when I hated it and it made me gag. It seems to me like it's just a control thing. As an adult, I have the control to not serve things I don't like. Kids have no choice. They are stuck with whatever someone puts in front of them. I don't see why it has to be "Eat everything that makes you want to vomit" vs. "be a horrible kid". Who eats stuff that makes them want to be sick except as a child, when an adult is forcing it on you? I surely don't.

[ISUKappa]

Originally Posted by AGDee

If a child isn't rude about it, what's the problem with them NOT eating stuff they don't like? I truly don't understand why my mother always forced it on me when I hated it and it made me gag. It seems to me like it's just a control thing. As an adult, I have the control to not serve things I don't like. Kids have no choice. They are stuck with whatever someone puts in front of them. I don't see why it has to be "Eat everything that makes you want to vomit" vs. "be a horrible kid". Who eats stuff that makes them want to be sick except as a child, when an adult is forcing it on you? I surely don't.

If they're not rude and they at least *try* it (and I mean one, good-sized bite, not the miniscule things my son tries to pull on us) then I don't have an issue with it. I'm still not making them a separate meal. We have plenty of other sides available at the dinner table that they can eat if they truly don't like the main dish (likewise, when we go to friends/family to eat). I know at least for babies/toddlers who are just starting to eat regular food, they say it takes an average of 8-10 tries of feeding a specific food to them before they "like" it. I don't agree with making my children eat Everything on their plate (that can begin another negative association with food), but they have to try it and they can't complain.

But in the OP's case, these kids aren't trying the food (even when it's things they've SAID they like and that she's specifically made for them) and are being extremely rude. It also doesn't help her sister is enabling that behavior and pulling a passive-aggressive guilt trip on the OP.

[ColdInCanada11]

I'm one of the pickiest eaters in the world, but those kids are RIDICULOUS. My grandma and my mom are picky eaters, so I was never forced to eat anything I truly didn't like. At home, my parents would usually just make me the plain version of whatever, but nothing that required extra work for them (I can't count how many times I heard - "we're not a restaurant!"). However, going out in public and to other people's homes, I was to eat what was in front of me, at least half of it. I would have never even THOUGHT of complaining to a hostess or shoving food in the couch . I would just make sure to focus on the buns/salads/whatever I liked, and would usually have something small before I left. And dessert when you hadn't eaten your dinner????????????? If that happened, it meant hell had frozen over.

Like I said, I'm an insanely picky eater, and these kids' behaviour HORRIFIES me.

[Low C Sharp]

I don't see a problem getting three happy meals to squelch a drama episode, easy as pie.

I missed the part where parenting is supposed to be easy. If your primary goal is to squelch drama, don't have kids. Teaching them how to behave like civilized guests (and how to eat healthy, homemade food) is not the fun part. It's the hard, necessary part.

what's the problem with them NOT eating stuff they don't like? It seems to me like it's just a control thing.

If it's just one thing, and they've tried it and don't like it, then it shouldn't be a big deal as long as they are eating other nutritious foods. But first, some kids are rejecting entire categories of food that are necessary to a balanced diet, like all vegetables. Skipping spinach is fine if you eat broccoli, zucchini, cabbage, and lettuce; it's not OK nutritionally to skip all that stuff. The OP's nieces are basically skipping the whole meal to go right to dessert unless the "meal" is greasy garbage like nuggets and fries. They're learning terrible habits that may hurt their health someday.

Second, it can be about control on the kid's part, too. There are plenty of kids who may not actually hate the food; they want to prove that they're in charge and they don't have to do what Mom says. Of course Mom should pick her battles, but a kid forcing Mom to make three separate meals for family members is probably enjoying the control more than the nuggets.
________
Vaporizer Volcano

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ISUKappa

If they're not rude and they at least *try* it (and I mean one, good-sized bite, not the miniscule things my son tries to pull on us) then I don't have an issue with it.

This. That was the whole point of my mom's one-bite-without-a-face rule -- so that you learned to try something politely when you were a guest.

[DrPhil]

Co-sign, Low C Sharp.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Low C Sharp

I missed the part where parenting is supposed to be easy. If your primary goal is to squelch drama, don't have kids. Teaching them how to behave like civilized guests (and how to eat healthy, homemade food) is not the fun part. It's the hard, necessary part.

Pretty much.

It's never easy as pie to get a kid to do anything they don't want to do.

I mean, if you want to go the COMPLETELY drama-free route, have ice cream for dinner every night, tell them that bathing is optional, and that they only have to go to school on days that start with P.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by CopterDad

Having lived through three stair step kids like your sister has, your drama over this is probably miniscule over at her house. Plus, the kids probably think of Aunt Ree just like mom or they probably wouldn't act like they do over at your house.

Unless its a holiday or something, as the aunt that the kids love to want to go to her house for fun, dinasaur nuggets, and dessert, I don't see where you have much of a problem here. Or, get with your sister and buy a bunch of McDs burgers or happy meals for the next dinner and suprise them.

Plus, just so you know, if they want to be little league kids, they know to only eat ballpark hotdogs.

No offense, but when my family - both sisters, their kids, my mom, my brother and his girlfriend - come over, there's a good 15 people in my house. Neither I nor my husband are going to run out in the middle of a dinner or picnic we are hosting to go pick up a bunch of happy meals. We are very hands-on hosts, and do our best to give everyone a great time. We get toys for the kids to play with outside, set aside a spare room for them to play video games and board games in, and a bunch of other stuff to make them feel welcome.

As some of you have said, the problem is really my sister and what she allows the kids to get away with. I love her and her kids, but they are high-maintenence guests.

To further reiterate my family's, um, issues -a couple of years ago, I had gotten out of the hospital after 2 weeks inpatient. They all (both sisters, their kids, etc.) decided to come over (at once) to "welcome me home" - at my house. My husband had just been getting by with food shopping, spending 8-10 hours at work and a few hours at the hospital with me every day....

.....Well all 15 people showed up - en masse - and I ordered pizza and grinders (getting everyone's orders, even the kids). It took longer than 20 min to get here, so my sisters took off to go to the grocery (they claimed they were starving). So my hubby and I had to entertain the 5 kids and the husbands, my mom, bro and his gf. My sisters arrived back at my house as the pizza was getting there, with - you guessed it - chicken nuggets and cookies (you can guess the kids ate the nuggets and cookies instead of the specific things they ordered - cheeseless pizza, grinders). They ate, left a ton of garbage all over (mind you, I was recuperating from double pneumonia and a blood clot), and then left after 2 hours here.

Yet if I call them on it, I am the rude one. Thanks for the chance to vent and kind advice. You can't choose your family - they are all I have - but sometimes, it's hard to deal with them. And for the record, they AREN'T coming here tomorrow; we're going over there.

Thanks for everything!!

[pinkyphimu]

Let your sister host more parties and offer to bring something. Sorry you have to deal with these rude kids...and a sister who doesn't see it.

[33girl]

Dog Chow.

Seriously, I know you don't like drama, but this is asinine. Just tell them "we won't be making any special meals for the kids. If this isn't OK with you or them, get them a sitter, or just don't come."

I was a picky as hell eater as a kid, but at age TEN I could certainly find things when I went to someone else's house for dinner that I could eat. I also got far more wide ranging tastes when I got older (esp after I went to college) so anyone worrying about kids not eating this or that, trust me, it won't kill them. I have a far more wide-ranging variety of foods I like than many of my friends or family.

[WCsweet<3]

I'm pretty sure that if I ever said yuck at a dinner table it would be shortly followed by my mother skinning me alive. If the house I was at did not have food I would (or could not, half my family ignores food allergies) eat, I would eat anything I could possible choke down. When it's the food allergy thing, my father would lean over and promise me food after. He would whisper and definitely not say it loud enough that anyone other than me could hear.

Your sister needs to realize that the world is not going to make exceptions for her children. That sounds mean (sorry bad mood) but its true. Um what do her kids eat for lunch at school?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Your sister needs to realize that the world is not going to make exceptions for her children. That sounds mean (sorry bad mood) but its true. Um what do her kids eat for lunch at school?

Parents usually pack lunch for picky kids, don't they?

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

If they don't like it, they can not eat and be hungry.

Bingo.

In my house, there was no "picky eater." We called it "hungry."

I was the QUEEN of picky, but my mom made one meal and one meal only. I hated mushrooms in my spaghetti, but if dad and mom liked them then that's how mom made the dish and Little CG picked them out. I tried to play the "I won't eat it" game at age 7 or so and I was hungry as a mug laying in bed that night. I didn't have to eat it if I didn't want to but I would eat something else at the table or pick out the offending object. If it wasn't already going onto the table, it wasn't getting made.

Kids don't have to eat what makes them sick but "I won't eat hotdogs with the lines"? Srsly? Eat with your eyes closed if it bothers you that much.

ETA: There are exceptions: Kids with allergies, kids with OCD, or kids with a legitimate reason for not being able to "get past it" (e.g., Asperger's).

[ree-Xi]

I thought I'd update. So we're at my sisters. They were making burgers, dogs and chicken. I brought chips, cheetos and roasted potatoes. Oldest kid (10) didn't want any of what his dad was cooking on the grill, so my sister made him grilled cheese (he asked for two sandwiches). An hour goes by, and he has taken one bite. She begs him to take "2 more". He refuses, then puts the plate where the ever-food-stealing dog could get it (on the floor in front of the tv).

Sister is furious. Kid says, I want a burger instead. Kids 2 & 3 ask for hot dogs. Well, all the burgers & dogs have been eaten. So dad goes and cooks a few more. Sister makes plates for all the kids (who have now taken the whole bowl of cheetos into the living room). Kid #1 says "I don't like these burgers, they're too big." (They are normal burgers you get at the grocery store, on a regular hamburger bun. He wanted the flat, 4-oz McD's burger)). So my sister cuts it in half. (I suggested to squish it down but that wasn't helpful). Then he says "it looks half-eaten. I don't want it". And keeps watching tv.

Kids finish off the cheetos, none of them had eaten a lick of real food (except for #3 who had a hot dog and half a cucumber), but ran to the fridge for ice pops, which mom said "no" too, but they still ate them. THANK GOD I had not hosted, because #1 was in a foul mood.

We did end up having fun, everyone playing outside, basketball, football, playing on the swings, searching for birds' nests in the trees (the kids LOVED that), looking for fairies in the mushrooms on the tree line, coloring (my favorite)... overall it was a great day.