Dating/Friends With Introverted Guy

All great answers. Thank you.

Our relationship at the moment is very new. So I'm at the stage where its hard to read the signs exactly what direction this guy of mine wants to take (whether it be just friends or more).

-physical touch/affection
-words of affirmation
-gifts
-acts of service
-quality time

I don't see any of this yet. Though not sure what 'words of affirmation' mean. He is polite, listens and responds with some concern, joking, and fun, but as for any so called act of chivalry or going out of his way to spend time with me, I actually don't see that yet. Maybe I'm missing the signs. In fact, he hasn't made an effort on his part to come after me if we are separated for a time. So I feel (and this is just me) that if I were to ever lose contact, if I stopped on my end, then that would be the end of us. It feels like that. He has told me before that he doesn't want me to stop talking to him, but it's not the same as I miss you phrase.

As for me, I'm not sure if I want this. I really, really like him, sure, but if like 5 years down the road and I'm still the one voicing the love and affection with being in the dark with how he feels about me, I feel, yeah, I would be wasting my time. I brought this to his attention once and he got angry a bit for me mentioning it, saying that he did like talking with me, but had a problem being an introvert.

I'm leaning towards giving up and not wanting to figure out the details later down the road. I've been in bad relationship before where there is a lack of a lot of things, and I'm sorta at that age where I would like someone to be more expressive. Such a shame I guess. But thanks to everyone for their stories and advice! If anyone has got more to say, please do!

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by yougc

All great answers. Thank you.

Our relationship at the moment is very new. So I'm at the stage where its hard to read the signs exactly what direction this guy of mine wants to take (whether it be just friends or more).

-physical touch/affection
-words of affirmation
-gifts
-acts of service
-quality time

I don't see any of this yet. Though not sure what 'words of affirmation' mean. He is polite, listens and responds with some concern, joking, and fun, but as for any so called act of chivalry or going out of his way to spend time with me, I actually don't see that yet. Maybe I'm missing the signs. In fact, he hasn't made an effort on his part to come after me if we are separated for a time. So I feel (and this is just me) that if I were to ever lose contact, if I stopped on my end, then that would be the end of us. It feels like that. He has told me before that he doesn't want me to stop talking to him, but it's not the same as I miss you phrase.

As for me, I'm not sure if I want this. I really, really like him, sure, but if like 5 years down the road and I'm still the one voicing the love and affection with being in the dark with how he feels about me, I feel, yeah, I would be wasting my time. I brought this to his attention once and he got angry a bit for me mentioning it, saying that he did like talking with me, but had a problem being an introvert.

I'm leaning towards giving up and not wanting to figure out the details later down the road. I've been in bad relationship before where there is a lack of a lot of things, and I'm sorta at that age where I would like someone to be more expressive. Such a shame I guess. But thanks to everyone for their stories and advice! If anyone has got more to say, please do!

1. words of affirmation are simple things like saying "i love you" and "i miss you", etc. all the things we like to hear.

2. pump the brakes on the 5 yr thinking. please. for your own good.

3. have you had a conversation with him about this? ask him what's the most comfortable way to express his feelings for you. it may not necessarily be easy for you to pick up on what's his thing. it took me over a year to do so because a)i didn't even know there were languages of love, and b)i was looking for MY language so i gave less consideration to his. i'm not saying you're close minded or anything, but try to observe him keeping these things in mind.

also, since its a new relationship, you need to give it more time. if he just likes you and that's it, there may not be too much to express other than "i miss you" when you aren't around each other. and there's no other language to express that other than saying it. lol.

Originally Posted by dreamseeker

1. words of affirmation are simple things like saying "i love you" and "i miss you", etc. all the things we like to hear.

2. pump the brakes on the 5 yr thinking. please. for your own good.

3. have you had a conversation with him about this? ask him what's the most comfortable way to express his feelings for you. it may not necessarily be easy for you to pick up on what's his thing. it took me over a year to do so because a)i didn't even know there were languages of love, and b)i was looking for MY language so i gave less consideration to his. i'm not saying you're close minded or anything, but try to observe him keeping these things in mind.

also, since its a new relationship, you need to give it more time. if he just likes you and that's it, there may not be too much to express other than "i miss you" when you aren't around each other. and there's no other language to express that other than saying it. lol.

1. Probably too soon to hear these words Like I said, he mentioned he liked me, but nothing more. Unless this is as far as introverts go to say.

2. I'm a little scared actually. I'm afraid of saying something wrong and would jeopardize whatever it that I may or may not ever know, and each moment I'm with him, I would be wondering. And I have to be careful with every step I take, every word I say, trying to read what is in front of me without making any wrong move. It's like taking a final exam!

3. yeah it's new, and yeah I'm WAS looking for a typical naive response like you see in the movies or what you would expect. So thanks! I never thought of a different way to the language of romance
I will try to give it more time, but again like I said in #2, I hate anything that ends up bad. I end up regretting it.

I do have another question. If I DO say or do something wrong and he gets effected by it (something like that happened recently but I apologized for it), is that a hint that he might be interested in me or it's nothing? Just curious if having an adverse effect on someone that provokes them to retreat in some way, means they did care about you or does it not mean anything at all....

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by yougc

1. Probably too soon to hear these words Like I said, he mentioned he liked me, but nothing more. Unless this is as far as introverts go to say.

2. I'm a little scared actually. I'm afraid of saying something wrong and would jeopardize whatever it that I may or may not ever know, and each moment I'm with him, I would be wondering. And I have to be careful with every step I take, every word I say, trying to read what is in front of me without making any wrong move. It's like taking a final exam!

3. yeah it's new, and yeah I'm WAS looking for a typical naive response like you see in the movies or what you would expect. So thanks! I never thought of a different way to the language of romance
I will try to give it more time, but again like I said in #2, I hate anything that ends up bad. I end up regretting it.

I do have another question. If I DO say or do something wrong and he gets effected by it (something like that happened recently but I apologized for it), is that a hint that he might be interested in me or it's nothing? Just curious if having an adverse effect on someone that provokes them to retreat in some way, means they did care about you or does it not mean anything at all....

with #2 and the last paragraph of what you said...all i can say is that you need to relax big time! lol. while your concerns about saying and doing the wrong things that may hurt him are valid, its more important to be yourself. just let things flow. if you are in a relationship, just focus on getting to know him rather than looking far ahead and trying to determine where things are going. there are risks involved in a relationship, but worrying won't change a thing and you'll miss out on the enjoyable parts of it instead.

Originally Posted by dreamseeker

with #2 and the last paragraph of what you said...all i can say is that you need to relax big time! lol. while your concerns about saying and doing the wrong things that may hurt him are valid, its more important to be yourself. just let things flow. if you are in a relationship, just focus on getting to know him rather than looking far ahead and trying to determine where things are going. there are risks involved in a relationship, but worrying won't change a thing and you'll miss out on the enjoyable parts of it instead.

I guess I'm just scared of being hurt. I have been hurt before and have regrets I wish was easy to let go of. I don't want that to happen to me again. I know it sounds selfish. But I've come to the point that I would even jeopardize a good thing going if I knew it meant it would go no where in the end or hurt me somehow. BUT I will definitely do just as you say and RELAX. Just everytime I'm with him, I get so nervous of doing the wrong thing.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by yougc

I guess I'm just scared of being hurt. I have been hurt before and have regrets I wish was easy to let go of. I don't want that to happen to me again. I know it sounds selfish. But I've come to the point that I would even jeopardize a good thing going if I knew it meant it would go no where in the end or hurt me somehow. BUT I will definitely do just as you say and RELAX. Just everytime I'm with him, I get so nervous of doing the wrong thing.

What are you afraid will happen if you say or do the wrong thing? Relaxing is really good advice. You sound like you're setting yourself up to be in a relationship where you're afraid to express yourself for the sake of your partner. YMMV, but I've learned through experience that the best way not to get hurt is to know myself and to be able to say "here's what I want, here's what I like, here's what is not working for me."

It's not something you have to dump all at once as the relationship is still developing, but if you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, you're never going to be yourself and your entire focus will be on him and his needs and wants and not some how accidentally pushing him away. That's not a very fair relationship to be in.

Just my 2 cents.

I'll keep you updated .

I do know what I want, but often times it can come out a bit "explosive" like I would tend to get excited over the littlest things that get me happy and I'm afraid that freaks the introverted person out or they start thinking I'm crazy. I don't want to act like a complete opposite. I say what I say is on my mind(not always a good thing ) and do things that can sometimes seem obsessive. Then when I realize what I am doing, it can be too late. I see the look on the other person's face like I'm a freak.
I can't control myself especially when I'm happy and comfortable, but for an introverted person it might scare them. So when I'm with him, it takes an enormous amount of control to just relax, nod, smile and keep my voice to a minimum, and not wave my arms around like a mad person. Maybe we are not compatible...

Ok now the guy has come back and apologized for ignoring me. What the heck? I am so confused. Are all guys like this?