Hyphenated last names

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

I have friends who are like this too.

One friend was still Girl Maidenname on FB. So I assumed she was still Girl Maidenname in real life.

Somebody called her Girl Maidenname once and she freaked out and was like "OMGWTFBBQ I'm Girl HUBBYSNAME now!!!!"

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by Gusteau

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

LOL This made me laugh...a few years ago when I was still in HS and working my HS job, I was helping my boss out with her wedding invitations during down time. I can't tell you how many envelopes I ended up having to reprint because the person to whom it was addressed was very picky about the way it was addressed. However, I didn't have that information from the start... All I had was the name of the husband, name of the wife, and his last name. It was such a mess...

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by ZTA72

I know many female physicians who keep their name and then if married after graduation then use their husband's name socially and for any children. It seems to work well to separate work and social/family life.

This is what I do. Actually, sometimes I don't remember what name I use for what situation, and I'll be at a hotel checking-in having to give a litany of different names for the reservation! Professionally, I use my maiden name...which no one can pronounce correctly. Usually I use my married name socially...which REALLY no one can pronounce since my Greek FIL changed when he came to America (too many Ds and Js in the name!) I also hyphenate when people in a group may know me by both names. If I had it my way, I'd just use my maiden name....hell, it's been mine since I was born no matter which parent it came from!

Originally Posted by Gusteau

This is a pet peeve of mine - I don't mind if you correct me, I mean it is your name, but when people get militant and angry about it... If you're going to go against such a longstanding social convention I'm fine with it, just be patient in explaining your situation to those who have not been informed of it - there's no need to get angry.

The only think that irritates me is when my husband gets the Dr and I get the Mrs. If you are handing out honorariums, give them to both of us please. I don't care if you don't call me doctor, but it's a slight to my gender to call him one and leave me out. What ever last name you put in doesn't matter to me.

To the OP, I guess your friend really needs to think these things through. I agree that this is just a power struggle. It will be one of many in a marriage. This is an issue that brings up old issues of male dominance that never had to be discussed in the past. Even in modern marriage, gender roles are automatically assigned in each persons mind going into the marriage. I am constantly amazed at what my very non-traditional husband still thinks is my "job" (ie. to do the shopping and cleaning until I remind him that he can do it just as well as I can.) Those kinds of things are really ingrained in our society, so if he's freaking out about a name, what else might be in his head about other female roles?

[Kappamd]

My BF and I discussed this recently, and I was surprised to find out how strongly he felt about me taking his last name. It wasn't a "deal-breaker" by any means, but I know he would be extremely disappointed if I chose not to. I don't have strong feelings for or against it, and more than likely would have taken it anyways. However, I did tell him that we best be married by the time I graduate with that M.D. behind my name, because it's not changing after that.

[ZTA72]

Originally Posted by Kappamd

However, I did tell him that we best be married by the time I graduate with that M.D. behind my name, because it's not changing after that.

I know many female physicians who keep their name and then if married after graduation then use their husband's name socially and for any children. It seems to work well to separate work and social/family life.

[1stSoon2BePhD]

I am going to hyphenate my last name when I get married.

I decided to do so because when I get my PhD, I will be the first "Dr. anything" in my family which is something I am extremely proud and excited about. Also, my fiances dad and uncle have doctorates and I don't want to be called the same thing as them.

I never thought about what my children would be called, but I assumed they would simply take his last name. I like DSTRen's solution, though!

[BabyPiNK_FL]

I plan on keeping my name. Even though we were never engaged it was a HUGE issue with my ex. That is one of the many reasons he is now my ex. WHO ARE YOU to tell me who I will be for the rest of my life?! My father only has daughters so one of us has got to fight the good fight.

[cheerfulgreek]

Her last name is Johnson. I told her that if he doesn't want to go through with it, to only date guys with Johnson as their last name. That shouldn't be too hard to do.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Her last name is Johnson. I told her that if he doesn't want to go through with it, to only date guys with Johnson as their last name. That shouldn't be too hard to do.

I want to announce that there are a couple of jokes that came to mind when reading this. I shall behave.

[sceniczip]

I want to keep my last name. I'm the last person in my family to have it so it's something special to me. Plus BF's last name is Duncan. How boring Mine's French and I love it Plus I won't have students calling me by my mother-in-law's name lol. Neither of us want kids but if we did I'm sure we could work something out. Honestly, I think his family will care but he doesn't.

[preciousjeni]

I'm legally hyphenated, but socially Mrs. husband's lastname. Our children, should we have any, will take his last name.

I knew I was going into Christian ministry, so I did it as a challenge to the traditional interpretation of the Haustafeln.

[amanda6035]

I guess I'm old fashioned. I took my husbands name, but dropped my middle name to keep my maiden name as my middle name.

I'm surprised to hear how many people on here are discussing hyphenated names as if it's normal...the only people I ever knew with hyphenated names were professors in college and 1 doctor. Other than 2 or 3 of them, I've never met anyone who messed with having a hyphenated name .

[WaterChild]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Her last name is Johnson. I told her that if he doesn't want to go through with it, to only date guys with Johnson as their last name. That shouldn't be too hard to do.

I have a friend whose fiance has the same last name as she does. It's not a common name though.

[agzg]

Live-in doesn't care what I do but he is not willing to change his last name. I can respect that, because if I don't choose to change my maiden name then how can I expect him to change his last name?

I've thought about keeping my maiden name but answering to Mrs. Live-in if people choose to call me that. Especially considering that people mess up my first name all the time (which is hilarious to me, considering it's an especially common name for people in my age group) and I still answer. I guess it's just not that important to me, though, because I've also seriously considered taking his last name mostly because there are already five Ms./Mrs./Miss zgs in my family anyway, and no Ms./Mrs./Miss -Ins in his (his mother goes by her maiden name, especially since his parents' divorce).

I do think I'd prefer to have the kids have his last name though. But I suppose that depends on whose health insurance package wins - his or mine. I'd prefer that it be obvious that these children are covered by either him or me. Of course, that could always change as well.

I guess that was a long-winded way of saying that this is the first time I've really thought about it in earnest, so it's really not that important to me.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by agzg

Live-in doesn't care what I do but he is not willing to change his last name. I can respect that, because if I don't choose to change my maiden name then how can I expect him to change his last name?

I've thought about keeping my maiden name but answering to Mrs. Live-in if people choose to call me that. Especially considering that people mess up my first name all the time (which is hilarious to me, considering it's an especially common name for people in my age group) and I still answer. I guess it's just not that important to me, though, because I've also seriously considered taking his last name mostly because there are already five Ms./Mrs./Miss zgs in my family anyway, and no Ms./Mrs./Miss -Ins in his (his mother goes by her maiden name, especially since his parents' divorce).

I do think I'd prefer to have the kids have his last name though. But I suppose that depends on whose health insurance package wins - his or mine. I'd prefer that it be obvious that these children are covered by either him or me. Of course, that could always change as well.

I guess that was a long-winded way of saying that this is the first time I've really thought about it in earnest, so it's really not that important to me.

With coordinated health benefits, they go by whose birthday comes first in the year. My kids are covered by both of us, but his used to trump because his bday is March 2nd and mine is March 10th. However, it's never a guarantee on which of you will be covering them. With him unemployed, it's all on me right now.