American Torry-Ann Hansen SENDS BACK Adopted Russian Son Artem

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

What did she think she was going to get when she adopted a 7 year old orphan from Russia?! There was a 0% chance this kid was going to be a normal, well adjusted child. Hell, there is a 0% chance a 7 year old orphan in the US is a normal, well adjusted child. Whether they told her he was normal or not, she is either stupid or Pollyanna to think he wouldn't be a holy terror!

I think that's taking it a little far to the other side of the spectrum. 0%?? I really do not think so, and that attitude is why we have wonderful children languishing for their whole lives in the system.

Some normal children do become abandoned or orphaned after having led fairly normal lives. Families aren't as big as they used to be and there just simply may not be anywhere for the child to go.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that's taking it a little far to the other side of the spectrum. 0%?? I really do not think so, and that attitude is why we have wonderful children languishing for their whole lives in the system.

Some normal children do become abandoned or orphaned after having led fairly normal lives. Families aren't as big as they used to be and there just simply may not be anywhere for the child to go.

I really mean 0%...yes, there will be a spectrum, but you put a child in this kind of environment, and you will have some type of psychological damage, even if they have been there a short time, ie. sudden loss of both parents. The damage may be slight, but it will be there. Coming from Russia where the orphanage system is so deplorable and alcoholism is rampant, the likelihood that the psychological damage is significant is much more extreme. You even see this with the younger children who have been in these orphanages who have trouble bonding with their adoptive families because they were neglected as newborns.

You add into this that the reason a lot of these children have not been adopted by this point is that they have some physical problem and this compounds their issues. Parents who are adopting older children MUST go into the adoption with their eyes wide open. There aren't a bunch of "Annies" running around just waiting for a good home. Their are a bunch of kids who need a break and a lot of professional help (be it psychological, medical, physical therapy, etc.) If you aren't prepared to give that kind of assistance, don't adopt an older child.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I really mean 0%...yes, there will be a spectrum, but you put a child in this kind of environment, and you will have some type of psychological damage, even if they have been there a short time, ie. sudden loss of both parents. The damage may be slight, but it will be there. Coming from Russia where the orphanage system is so deplorable and alcoholism is rampant, the likelihood that the psychological damage is significant is much more extreme. You even see this with the younger children who have been in these orphanages who have trouble bonding with their adoptive families because they were neglected as newborns.

You add into this that the reason a lot of these children have not been adopted by this point is that they have some physical problem and this compounds their issues. Parents who are adopting older children MUST go into the adoption with their eyes wide open. There aren't a bunch of "Annies" running around just waiting for a good home. Their are a bunch of kids who need a break and a lot of professional help (be it psychological, medical, physical therapy, etc.) If you aren't prepared to give that kind of assistance, don't adopt an older child.

I think what's bugging me is your narrow definition of the word "normal." If I told you I've been going to a psychiatrist, would that make me abnormal?

There's a difference between pathological problems and problems that can be solved. To lump them all together isn't accurate or fair.