American Torry-Ann Hansen SENDS BACK Adopted Russian Son Artem

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by carnation

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Fetal Alcohol Effect are enormous problems in Russia. You can't always detect them at birth. We know a local doctor who adopted a baby that one of his patients had and the child was later diagnosed with FAE. In the meantime, he was kicked out of the school where my husband taught and came close to it in a school where I taught. He was a bizarre, disturbed child but it didn't show up until he was about 5. Anyway, Russians are well aware that many of their babies are born with this and who would blame them for being scared to adopt? Not to mention that so many Russian are desperately poor...

Our social worker is black. He said he doesn't have any black families who want to adopt and he wishes he did. I know there are some out there because there were at least 3 black couples in our IMPACT group but they were from out of town so I have no idea how their search has gone.

I think that there will always be a little mystery when taking a baby home whether it's your natural child or adopted. What gets me is this crazy lady from TN! What did she think she was going to get when she adopted a 7 year old orphan from Russia?! There was a 0% chance this kid was going to be a normal, well adjusted child. Hell, there is a 0% chance a 7 year old orphan in the US is a normal, well adjusted child. Whether they told her he was normal or not, she is either stupid or Pollyanna to think he wouldn't be a holy terror!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

What did she think she was going to get when she adopted a 7 year old orphan from Russia?! There was a 0% chance this kid was going to be a normal, well adjusted child. Hell, there is a 0% chance a 7 year old orphan in the US is a normal, well adjusted child. Whether they told her he was normal or not, she is either stupid or Pollyanna to think he wouldn't be a holy terror!

I think that's taking it a little far to the other side of the spectrum. 0%?? I really do not think so, and that attitude is why we have wonderful children languishing for their whole lives in the system.

Some normal children do become abandoned or orphaned after having led fairly normal lives. Families aren't as big as they used to be and there just simply may not be anywhere for the child to go.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that's taking it a little far to the other side of the spectrum. 0%?? I really do not think so, and that attitude is why we have wonderful children languishing for their whole lives in the system.

Some normal children do become abandoned or orphaned after having led fairly normal lives. Families aren't as big as they used to be and there just simply may not be anywhere for the child to go.

I really mean 0%...yes, there will be a spectrum, but you put a child in this kind of environment, and you will have some type of psychological damage, even if they have been there a short time, ie. sudden loss of both parents. The damage may be slight, but it will be there. Coming from Russia where the orphanage system is so deplorable and alcoholism is rampant, the likelihood that the psychological damage is significant is much more extreme. You even see this with the younger children who have been in these orphanages who have trouble bonding with their adoptive families because they were neglected as newborns.

You add into this that the reason a lot of these children have not been adopted by this point is that they have some physical problem and this compounds their issues. Parents who are adopting older children MUST go into the adoption with their eyes wide open. There aren't a bunch of "Annies" running around just waiting for a good home. Their are a bunch of kids who need a break and a lot of professional help (be it psychological, medical, physical therapy, etc.) If you aren't prepared to give that kind of assistance, don't adopt an older child.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I really mean 0%...yes, there will be a spectrum, but you put a child in this kind of environment, and you will have some type of psychological damage, even if they have been there a short time, ie. sudden loss of both parents. The damage may be slight, but it will be there. Coming from Russia where the orphanage system is so deplorable and alcoholism is rampant, the likelihood that the psychological damage is significant is much more extreme. You even see this with the younger children who have been in these orphanages who have trouble bonding with their adoptive families because they were neglected as newborns.

You add into this that the reason a lot of these children have not been adopted by this point is that they have some physical problem and this compounds their issues. Parents who are adopting older children MUST go into the adoption with their eyes wide open. There aren't a bunch of "Annies" running around just waiting for a good home. Their are a bunch of kids who need a break and a lot of professional help (be it psychological, medical, physical therapy, etc.) If you aren't prepared to give that kind of assistance, don't adopt an older child.

I think what's bugging me is your narrow definition of the word "normal." If I told you I've been going to a psychiatrist, would that make me abnormal?

There's a difference between pathological problems and problems that can be solved. To lump them all together isn't accurate or fair.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

While I'm sure they exist, my black family doesn't personally know any black families adopting either. Do you have any personal experiences you could share as to help clarify?

Until you mentioned it, I didn't realize how many adoptions there were in my family.

Aunt A: adopted 1 girl
Aunt B: adopted 1 girl
Aunt/Uncle: adopted a boy

There are different methods of adoptions than just going through agencies, though. Aunt A took legal guardianship of a friend's daughter in addition to the one she adopted. One of my cousins just took guardianship of a friend's 17-year-old son. I don't see a lot of black families (excluding my own) going to agencies for children but rather taking in friends' or relatives' children so they don't end up in the system. I'm know this happens frequently in all cultures, but I can only speak for my own when I say maybe there's a higher rate/increase in these types of adoptions (thus partially explaining the low number of black families in the agency pool)?

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Until you mentioned it, I didn't realize how many adoptions there were in my family.

Aunt A: adopted 1 girl
Aunt B: adopted 1 girl
Aunt/Uncle: adopted a boy

There are different methods of adoptions than just going through agencies, though. Aunt A took legal guardianship of a friend's daughter in addition to the one she adopted. One of my cousins just took guardianship of a friend's 17-year-old son. I don't see a lot of black families (excluding my own) going to agencies for children but rather taking in friends' or relatives' children so they don't end up in the system. I'm know this happens frequently in all cultures, but I can only speak for my own when I say maybe there's a higher rate/increase in these types of adoptions (thus partially explaining the low number of black families in the agency pool)?

I'm more familiar with this. Adopting kids to keep them out of the system has always been well-known within the community. On one local news station, I swear every story manages to mention who is whose child in the house where an incident occurs without fail.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

I'm more familiar with this. Adopting kids to keep them out of the system has always been well-known within the community.

Exactly. One of my friends adopted her god-daughter, another friend's mother adopted a first cousin when they were toddlers, and my acquaintance adopted her teenage nephew (with his badass).

All neglected kids who needed reliable parents who are good role models. Black folks don't see this as the same kind of adoption as adopting a stranger's kid.