I Just got asked to be a date at fraternity formal

anchorgirly · #1 04-08-2010, 11:25 PM

Ok, so I have been invited to a fraternity formal. But my date has not been very clear with me. This is my first out of town event and I have no idea what to expect. He said it is about two hours away from campus and we will check into our hotel at 4 then go eat and to formal. Does this mean we are staying over night? And are we staying together? What do I have to pay for? Someone help please!

33girl · #2 04-08-2010, 11:46 PM

Yeah, you're staying overnight, and yeah, you're staying together. You can sleep in sweats or something. If you're not comfortable with that concept, you probably should not go.

The only thing you should have to pay for is his boutenniere, if they are given at your school. Oh and of course, your dress/shoes/accessories.

ASTalumna06 · #3 04-08-2010, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchorgirly

Ok, so I have been invited to a fraternity formal. But my date has not been very clear with me. This is my first out of town event and I have no idea what to expect. He said it is about two hours away from campus and we will check into our hotel at 4 then go eat and to formal. Does this mean we are staying over night? And are we staying together? What do I have to pay for? Someone help please!

I have been to one fraternity's formal every year for the past 7 years (my 7th being this weekend. woot.) and the only thing I've ever paid for were my drinks... and that was only a few times when I wasn't actually dating my date.

To me, I would think it rude to get invited somewhere, and then have someone ask, "Ok, where's the money for dinner and the hotel?" If you're actually boyfriend/girlfriend, that's one thing. You might try to even out the cost if you know each other's financial situation. But if you're someone who's never been to one of these things and you aren't as familiar with all of this as other people might be, it seems a little weird for him to expect some money out of you. HOWEVER... I would definitely take some money with you. HOWEVER... do not offer to pay for anything (besides maybe drinks) at the event. At most, if not all formals, everything is paid for in advance. It'd be inappropriate to talk about money in the middle of dinner.

Basically, I know that I've invited different guys to my sorority formal, and I have never expected any of them to cover the cost of their meal. Money was never even discussed.

If you're getting a hotel room, I would have to assume that you're staying overnight. I can't tell you if you're staying together, though. No one here can. But again, I'd have to assume that you are. To mention a hotel room to someone, but then say, "Sorry, you're not staying with me," is strange.

Just talk to him about everything.

anchorgirly · #4 04-09-2010, 12:19 AM

Ok so yalls feedback helped! Ok but I am still a little clueless haha. Are there usually two couples in one room or just one? I am not dating this guy and don't know him that well, so I'm just a little concerned.

LatinaAlumna · #5 04-09-2010, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchorgirly

I am not dating this guy and don't know him that well, so I'm just a little concerned.

Then you probably shouldn't go away overnight with him. Unless this is a friendship where you guys consider yourselves to be like brother and sister, the dude is probably figuring he is going to get lucky. Just don't be naive.

FSUZeta · #6 04-09-2010, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna

Then you probably shouldn't go away overnight with him. Unless this is a friendship where you guys consider yourselves to be like brother and sister, the dude is probably figuring he is going to get lucky. Just don't be naive.

this

ASTalumna06 · #7 04-09-2010, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna

Then you probably shouldn't go away overnight with him. Unless this is a friendship where you guys consider yourselves to be like brother and sister, the dude is probably figuring he is going to get lucky. Just don't be naive.

I don't necessarily agree with this.

The formals I've been to/have heard about almost always involve a stay overnight... and not all of the brothers staying have dates that they're involved with. Believe it or not, it can be understood, even by fraternity guys (surprising, I know), that their date is simply a formal date, and that they need a place to crash for the night (who would make their date drive home?) Not ALL guys think that they're going to score simply because a friend is sharing a hotel room with them.

However, you can gague this situation better than any of us can.

ree-Xi · #8 04-09-2010, 09:38 AM

At my ex's formals, there were a lot of guys who took female friends. In our case, the Greek world on campus was very insular, and everyone knew everyone. Still, there were a couple of times when there were a few girls who weren't super close with their dates, and the guys in that situation would end up sharing a room with another single brother and the girls would get that other room (the brothers paid for it though).

The first year (we were both pledges that semester), we stayed in a two-bedroom room suite with his big brother and his gf (it was the a little less cost than 2 separate rooms, but the big bros took their roles seriously and "supervised" a bit. The following years, however, we had our own room/suite.

I just remembered that I still had all my stemware from all those formals. For that matter, I still have all my prom stemware. What do you all do with that stuff? I never use it but I feel bad throwing it all away.

33girl · #9 04-09-2010, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I don't necessarily agree with this.

The formals I've been to/have heard about almost always involve a stay overnight... and not all of the brothers staying have dates that they're involved with.

Oh yeah, definitely - no problem there. But it sounds like she doesn't even know this guy well enough to feel comfortable broaching the subject. Usually when you ask someone as just friends it's very clear. In her situation, yes, I would be wary and non-naive.

ree-xi - I still use my formal stemware because, what the hell, a glass is a glass. If you don't want to use it, donate it to your chapter.

ree-Xi · #10 04-09-2010, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Oh yeah, definitely - no problem there. But it sounds like she doesn't even know this guy well enough to feel comfortable broaching the subject. Usually when you ask someone as just friends it's very clear. In her situation, yes, I would be wary and non-naive.

ree-xi - I still use my formal stemware because, what the hell, a glass is a glass. If you don't want to use it, donate it to your chapter.

Oh, it rarely gets used because we received formal drinkware as a wedding gift. It's just a matter of necessity. And the stuff from my ex's formals just aren't appropriate to use as I am married to someone else!

Thanks for the donation idea. I have stuff dating back to junior high through college. Someone might as well get use of it!

LatinaAlumna · #11 04-09-2010, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Not ALL guys think that they're going to score simply because a friend is sharing a hotel room with them.

.

True, but it's best to err on the side of caution, especially since she said she's "concerned." It sounds like she barely knows the guy.

MysticCat · #12 04-09-2010, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anchorgirly

Ok so yalls feedback helped! Ok but I am still a little clueless haha. Are there usually two couples in one room or just one? I am not dating this guy and don't know him that well, so I'm just a little concerned.

Just tell him you need to know how to plan and ask him what the deal will be.