More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[starang21]

Originally Posted by Brett

You're kidding me. What's wrong with the grocery check out dude or the other dudes you mentioned? You sound a little shallow. Would you be a little ticked if some dude said he wouldn't date you for shallow, somewhat stupid reasons?

i wouldn't date a chick who worked at the mall.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Brett

It's obvious you've never been married before, because you're living in a pefect world. Let's see how long you want a joint account when money comes up missing and you can't pinpoint where it went. I love the whole "what's mine is his and vise versa" garbage. It doens't work like that.

Well I've been married for 7 years and I agree with everything she said. My husband and I have had a joint checking account for 8 1/2 years since we were dating and living together. I make much more than my husband, but what is mine is his. That is what a marriage, a partnership is all about. If you can't trust you partner, that is your own problem, but don't be surprised that others can. Money is what ruins most marriages that end in divorce. I decided a long time ago not to give money that kind of power over my relationship.

[DrPhil]

I'm a proponent of having both a joint bank account and separate accounts. It works for those of us who are proponents of it.

It is based on percentage of income. The joint bank account is where the largest % of income goes and it is for family/couple expenses. The separate accounts are for personal expenses.

You wanna go on a golf trip with your buddies? Have fun. Separate bank account.
You wanna go on a shopping spree? Have fun. Separate bank account.

[AGDee]

I think the key is that you do what works for you and your partner, whether that's a joint account, a mix of joint and separate or totally separate. Everybody is different and has different needs and expectations. Communicating those and coming to an agreement is what's really important. I'd do something like Dr. Phil suggests if I were to marry again. I would want separate money to assist my kids if needed and I wouldn't want his income to do that. If he has kids too, the same would apply.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I'm a proponent of having both a joint bank account and separate accounts. It works for those of us who are proponents of it.

THIS. One day, my future mister and I will have things we want and things we need. My "needs" shouldn't be funding tickets to the Lakers game. Just like his "needs" should not fund my day at the spa. If you can share EVERYTHING in life and make that work, then that's great. If money is your breaking point and you just can't bring yourself to fuse those, then that's fine if you both feel that way. This is just a third option and I hope whoever I marry agrees.

ETA: Well put, Dee.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

THIS. One day, my future mister and I will have things we want and things we need. My "needs" shouldn't be funding tickets to the Lakers game. Just like his "needs" should not fund my day at the spa. If you can share EVERYTHING in life and make that work, then that's great. If money is your breaking point and you just can't bring yourself to fuse those, then that's fine if you both feel that way. This is just a third option and I hope whoever I marry agrees.

ETA: Well put, Dee.

I had a convo with an acquaintance years ago that further solidified how I already felt about joint and separate accounts.

She really wanted a new pair of shoes for the Winter and her husband didn't think it was a necessary expense. She kept petitioning to him and trying to get his approval/clearance so she could go clearance rack shoe shopping. It made me cringe.

Of course having a lot of money in their joint account can prevent such penny penching; and having a spouse who isn't such a hard knock could as well. But, I prefer avoiding that altogether.

[AGDee]

As someone who had to battle about money for groceries or clothes for growing toddlers, I just won't be able to put myself in that situation again. It's my baggage. I think the majority of people who have been divorced and had big money battles feel the same way.

[AOII Angel]

I agree with what y'all have said about the joint/separate accounts. For a lot of couples, one or both spouses will or can't make themselves see that the wants/needs of the other spouse are as important as their own. I have good friends like this, and they have to keep completely separate accounts because the husband is a complete jerk about money. My husband and I look at them and think it's really sad that they fight over such superficial things, but then again, every couple has their issues. My husband and I just both happen to be pretty free spenders. When we're running low, my husband gives me a gentle warning, but he wouldn't dream of making me beg for a pair of shoes I wanted! :O

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I agree with what y'all have said about the joint/separate accounts. For a lot of couples, one or both spouses will or can't make themselves see that the wants/needs of the other spouse are as important as their own. I have good friends like this, and they have to keep completely separate accounts because the husband is a complete jerk about money. My husband and I look at them and think it's really sad that they fight over such superficial things, but then again, every couple has their issues. My husband and I just both happen to be pretty free spenders. When we're running low, my husband gives me a gentle warning, but he wouldn't dream of making me beg for a pair of shoes I wanted! :O

I agree with everything you've said.

As for the gentle warning, I want those to be reserved for family/couple expenses.

(This wouldn't happen but) If my husband wanted a balance of $0 on his separate account because he's been too free with his own account, that's completely on him. LOL.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I agree with everything you've said.

As for the gentle warning, I want those to be reserved for family/couple expenses.

(This wouldn't happen but) If my husband wanted a balance of $0 on his separate account because he's been too free with his own account, that's completely on him. LOL.

He has to give me a warning because I purposely NEVER know how much money we have in our account. If our account runs low, he tells me not to spend more than X amount until my next check comes in. If I wanted to express more interest in our finances it would be a different story, but obsessing about money isn't worth it to me. I buy what I want when I want. When that isn't possible, maybe I'll pay more attention. I actually do have my personal account (business account), but my husband manages that too.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I'm a proponent of having both a joint bank account and separate accounts. It works for those of us who are proponents of it.

It is based on percentage of income. The joint bank account is where the largest % of income goes and it is for family/couple expenses. The separate accounts are for personal expenses.

You wanna go on a golf trip with your buddies? Have fun. Separate bank account.
You wanna go on a shopping spree? Have fun. Separate bank account.

I like this.

The idea of (example) a woman hiding shopping bags in the car because "hubby will have a fit if he sees this" doesn't sit well with me, especially if it is not "family money/joint money" that she's spending.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Brett

It's obvious you've never been married before, because you're living in a pefect world. Let's see how long you want a joint account when money comes up missing and you can't pinpoint where it went. I love the whole "what's mine is his and vise versa" garbage. It doens't work like that.

No, I’ve never been married, but because this is what I believe, and since my views don’t match up with yours, then it’s an unrealistic view and I’m living in a perfect world?-whatever! Yes, it does work that way, because it works that way for some people and it will work that way for my future husband and me! That’s why it’s important to marry someone with similar views, goals, and family values. There’s also this thing called communication. Ever heard of it?

I already said whatever works for you, then great, but just because I don’t see it that way doesn’t mean that my way is unrealistic or wrong!

My God, I hate it when people make stupid comments or get upset just because someone has an opinion about something that doesn’t match up with theirs. It’s SO annoying. Worry about your own relationship!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

My God, I hate it when people make stupid comments or get upset just because someone has an opinion about something that doesn’t match up with theirs. It’s SO annoying. Worry about your own relationship!

What relationship? The one with the 5 Layer Burrito?

[Brett]

Originally Posted by starang21

i wouldn't date a chick who worked at the mall.

What's wrong with that?

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Well I've been married for 7 years and I agree with everything she said. My husband and I have had a joint checking account for 8 1/2 years since we were dating and living together. I make much more than my husband, but what is mine is his. That is what a marriage, a partnership is all about. If you can't trust you partner, that is your own problem, but don't be surprised that others can. Money is what ruins most marriages that end in divorce. I decided a long time ago not to give money that kind of power over my relationship.

7 years isn't a long time.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

No, I’ve never been married, but because this is what I believe, and since my views don’t match up with yours, then it’s an unrealistic view and I’m living in a perfect world?-whatever! Yes, it does work that way, because it works that way for some people and it will work that way for my future husband and me! That’s why it’s important to marry someone with similar views, goals, and family values. There’s also this thing called communication. Ever heard of it?

I already said whatever works for you, then great, but just because I don’t see it that way doesn’t mean that my way is unrealistic or wrong!

My God, I hate it when people make stupid comments or get upset just because someone has an opinion about something that doesn’t match up with theirs. It’s SO annoying. Worry about your own relationship!

I don't think you really know how financially hard marriage can be, but I'll buy what you said. Just so you know, the whining doesn't really help you.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Brett

What's wrong with that?

7 years isn't a long time.


I don't think you really know how financially hard marriage can be, but I'll buy what you said. Just so you know, the whining doesn't really help you.

Well we don't know you so excuse me if I don't care if you think 7 years is a long time. It works for my marriage so we use it. I'm sorry that you can't trust your partner with money. That's really sad. Maybe you should get a new one.