More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[Beckey B]

I guess there is no more love in the air. Of all the themes of literature written over the ages, love has probably served as the perennially dominant theme. All men are looking for someone who take care of them.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Ladies, I am so glad that you all are driving the conversation...I honestly would like to see the fellas pick up here.

I'll bite. For me I think it's great that women are achieving their goals. I don't have a problem with her making more money than me. But on the flip side of that, either way, whether she's making more than me or not, I strongly believe it is still the husband's ultimate responsibility to provide for his wife and family. Not only is he to meet her needs financially, but emotionally and physically too. Folks can do it the way they see fit, but this is how I was raised to be, and I'm not going to adapt to what it has turned into. I don't think women are inferior to men, she is his equal. In fact, if I had a daughter I would make sure she's educated so she wouldn't have to depend on a man, or anybody for that matter, but at the same time, if she were to marry, he'd better make sure he's meeting her needs financially, emotionally, and physically, otherwise he's got to go. I don't care if she's making double what he's making, he's still the provider. That's one thing I cannot stand is a lame, lazy azz man.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I don't think women are inferior to men, she is his equal.

This isn't directed at PrettyBoy:

Actions speak louder than words. Many people will speak equality when the topic comes up but act in patriarchal, mysogynistic, and sexist ways more often than not.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This isn't directed at PrettyBoy:

Actions speak louder than words. Many people will speak equality when the topic comes up but act in patriarchal, mysogynistic, and sexist ways more often than not.

Like saying that a man should provide financially for a woman, even if she is more than capable of supporting not only herself but the whole family?

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

Like saying that a man should provide financially for a woman, even if she is more than capable of supporting not only herself but the whole family?

Pretty much.

[DrPhil]

And then they fall back on religion or notions of "manhood" with no consideration to how these might (depending on interpretation) go against gender equality.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I'll bite. For me I think it's great that women are achieving their goals. I don't have a problem with her making more money than me. But on the flip side of that, either way, whether she's making more than me or not, I strongly believe it is still the husband's ultimate responsibility to provide for his wife and family. Not only is he to meet her needs financially, but emotionally and physically too. Folks can do it the way they see fit, but this is how I was raised to be, and I'm not going to adapt to what it has turned into. I don't think women are inferior to men, she is his equal. In fact, if I had a daughter I would make sure she's educated so she wouldn't have to depend on a man, or anybody for that matter, but at the same time, if she were to marry, he'd better make sure he's meeting her needs financially, emotionally, and physically, otherwise he's got to go. I don't care if she's making double what he's making, he's still the provider. That's one thing I cannot stand is a lame, lazy azz man.

Well, he definitely can't provide for the family or even himself working at Taco Hell or Burger Slinger.

eta: I know what you meant about financial security, but did you catch that? lol

[agzg]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I'll bite. For me I think it's great that women are achieving their goals. I don't have a problem with her making more money than me. But on the flip side of that, either way, whether she's making more than me or not, I strongly believe it is still the husband's ultimate responsibility to provide for his wife and family. Not only is he to meet her needs financially, but emotionally and physically too. Folks can do it the way they see fit, but this is how I was raised to be, and I'm not going to adapt to what it has turned into. I don't think women are inferior to men, she is his equal. In fact, if I had a daughter I would make sure she's educated so she wouldn't have to depend on a man, or anybody for that matter, but at the same time, if she were to marry, he'd better make sure he's meeting her needs financially, emotionally, and physically, otherwise he's got to go. I don't care if she's making double what he's making, he's still the provider. That's one thing I cannot stand is a lame, lazy azz man.

Instead of being passive aggressive, I guess I'll respond directly.

I don't bite on the "meeting her needs finanically, emotionally, and physically." Obviously emotional and physical needs should be met by one's partner, regardless of husband or wife status. It's the financial part that really sticks in my craw.

If I make $400,000.00 per year, are my "financial needs" the same as any other woman's? If yes, then I call bullshit. That's not equality. I should be meeting my husband's financial needs just as much as he meets my own.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Well, he definitely can't provide for the family or even himself working at Taco Hell or Burger Slinger.

That depends on what the expenses for the family are and what he does at Taco Bell or Burger King. It may not be ideal but it can work.

It's "funny" because what we all do for a living/where we work/our salaries would be the subject of great ridicule and jokes for some of those whose life preferences, costs of living, and socioeconomic status demand greater than what we could provide. Someone who makes 150K a year would be guffawed by someone who makes 300K a year.

That's just something to keep in mind to avoid confusing what YOU would want with what can potentially work for others.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

Instead of being passive aggressive, I guess I'll respond directly.

I don't bite on the "meeting her needs finanically, emotionally, and physically." Obviously emotional and physical needs should be met by one's partner, regardless of husband or wife status. It's the financial part that really sticks in my craw.

If I make $400,000.00 per year, are my "financial needs" the same as any other woman's? If yes, then I call bullshit. That's not equality. I should be meeting my husband's financial needs just as much as he meets my own.

I have a lot of wild thoughts about this whole thing, just flying around in my head. I'll write more as I'm able.

And, furthermore, is it any of a father's business if his daughter's physical needs are being met by a man?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

That depends on what the expenses for the family are and what he does at Taco Bell or Burger King. It may not be ideal but it can work.

Minimum wage is what I'm talking about. You can't live on that.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I have a lot of wild thoughts about this whole thing, just flying around in my head. I'll write more as I'm able.

And, furthermore, is it any of a father's business if his daughter's physical needs are being met by a man?

That depends on what one means by "physical needs." I'd say that a father would ideally want his daughter to be happy/content in her marriage and that's definitely a part of the picture, and it shouldn't go beyond that. If it causes the breakdown of a marriage, a simple "it's not going to work out because I'm unhappy, Dad" should suffice.

Unless I'm wrong and fathers generally do sit around thinking about his daughter's sex life. Obviously, the relationship between the daughter and the father would play a role, too (some dads and daughters are more open or have different relationship dynamics).

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

That depends on what one means by "physical needs." I'd say that a father would ideally want his daughter to be happy/content in her marriage and that's definitely a part of the picture, and it shouldn't go beyond that. If it causes the breakdown of a marriage, a simple "it's not going to work out because I'm unhappy, Dad" should suffice.

Unless I'm wrong and fathers generally do sit around thinking about his daughter's sex life. Obviously, the relationship between the daughter and the father would play a role, too (some dads and daughters are more open or have different relationship dynamics).

Right. I thought about what "physical needs" could mean and that's all I could come up with.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Right. I thought about what "physical needs" could mean and that's all I could come up with.

Generally, it probably would refer to fathers (and mothers) wanting their daughters (and children) to be physically and mentally safe and sound.

However, although many people don't want to admit this because it sounds horrible, many fathers do think about their daughter's sexuality and sex life. They grapple with their daughter's virginity (some even going to the level of chastity promises, etc.) and gasp at the concept of a man touching and sleeping with their daughter. This is something that they tend not to want to discuss with others or think about for long periods of time. It makes them cringe. But, it is something that fathers deal with because of the nature of patriarchy and the family structure.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

However, although many people don't want to admit this because it sounds horrible, many fathers do think about their daughter's sexuality and sex life. They grapple with their daughter's virginity (some even going to the level of chastity promises, etc.) and gasp at the concept of a man touching and sleeping with their daughter. This is something that they tend not to want to discuss with others or think about for long periods of time. It makes them cringe. But, it is something that fathers deal with because of the nature of patriarchy and the family structure.

This is exactly what I was thinking about. While we laugh at movies like "Father of the Bride," and the stereotype of the overprotective father, part of that whole thing is based in a father's concern about his daughter's sexuality (which could range from a justifiable fear about not wanting their daughters to be taken advantage of to actual jealousy of the man in her life).