Preparing for recruitment since birth

[KSUViolet06]

To add to my post:

I think the more blatant coaching and preparation for competitive recruitments comes from those parents and families with the LEAST amount of connections or knowledge of the Greek system. Not uber-connected PNMs with multi-generation legacies (or those who are Miss Popular at "feeder high schools").

Like I said in my post, Mary Sue isn't coached and drilled on recruitment because it isn't neccessary. She knows (based on her social circle) where she'll end up and there's no need for these extensive preparations that we read about (e.g. hiring rush coaches, interview coaches, voraciously hunting down outfits, etc). Her family is in the know and everything will work out.

The girls being blatantly and openly groomed and coached for sorority life are those not "in the know."

Those are the girls who need the extra help because they lack well-connected parents/relatives/etc.

These are the PNMs and moms who WANT to be in a top house (like Mary Sue), and thus spend alot of time preparing for the process (because they're behind the curve of those girls like Mary Sue who don't have to exert such effort).

Oddly enough, I've heard it said that the moms and PNMs who are most concerned with getting into a TOP HOUSE (and are the MOST status-conscious) are those who are NOT "shoe-ins" for top tier like Mary Sue (such as PNMs with non-greek parents).

Mary Sue has what she needs to get into ABC so getting in is (typically) not an issue. She is not pressed about what "tier" ABC is. She has grown up in a family of ABC women, so it's all she knows.

On the other hand, Suzie Jane who just moved to Anytown in 10th grade (whose mom is NOT Greek) who sees/hears about ABC all the time from the popular girls in school, is going to have to work 300% harder to come close to having a shot at it.

Suzie Jane's mother will likely invest in the heavy duty coaching because she has asked around and knows that being ABC at Anytown University is "the best" and wants her daughter to have access to the status of being one. So she, being from the outside is more concerned with what's "the best" and "top tier."

Wow, that was long. But all of this to say that heavy duty grooming and coaching is mostly for those who are trying to "break into" sorority life and the social circle that it provides in some Southern town. Not for those who have grown up in it. For them, things just are what they are.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

To add to my post:

I think the more blatant coaching and preparation for competitive recruitments comes from those parents and families with the LEAST amount of connections or knowledge of the Greek system. Not uber-connected PNMs with multi-generation legacies (or those who are Miss Popular at "feeder high schools").

Like I said in my post, Mary Sue isn't coached and drilled on recruitment because it isn't neccessary. She knows (based on her social circle) where she'll end up and there's no need for these extensive preparations that we read about (e.g. hiring rush coaches, interview coaches, voraciously hunting down outfits, etc). Her family is in the know and everything will work out.

The girls being blatantly and openly groomed and coached for sorority life are those not "in the know."

Those are the girls who need the extra help because they lack well-connected parents/relatives/etc.

These are the PNMs and moms who WANT to be in a top house (like Mary Sue), and thus spend alot of time preparing for the process (because they're behind the curve of those girls like Mary Sue who don't have to exert such effort).

Oddly enough, I've heard it said that the moms and PNMs who are most concerned with getting into a TOP HOUSE (and are the MOST status-conscious) are those who are NOT "shoe-ins" for top tier like Mary Sue (such as PNMs with non-greek parents).

Mary Sue has what she needs to get into ABC so getting in is (typically) not an issue. She is not pressed about what "tier" ABC is.

On the other hand, Suzie Jane who just moved to Anytown in 10th grade (whse mom is from Anytown and NOT Greek) who sees/hears about ABC all the time from the popular girls in school, is going to have to work 300% harder to come close to having a shot at it.


[

Unless, of course, Mary Sue isn't a shoe in. It happens. Sometimes, the triple legacy is not ABC material, but Grandma, Aunts Martha and Billie Jo, Big Sister Anna Claire and Mama just can't see it.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Unless, of course, Mary Sue isn't a shoe in. It happens. Sometimes, the triple legacy is not ABC material, but Grandma, Aunts Martha and Billie Jo, Big Sister Anna Claire and Mama just can't see it.

Of course that happens (I said so in my first post), but I was just trying to make my point about how the "grooming" isn't typically blatant and outright in those cases because the PNM has grown up with said sorority all of her life.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Of course that happens (I said so in my first post), but I was just trying to make my point about how the "grooming" isn't typically blatant and outright in those cases because the PNM has grown up with said sorority all of her life.

Oh, I'm not arguing with you. I agree. Totally.

[DrPhil]

From an NPHC perspective, prepping since birth happens and I think it is quite unfortunate.

It includes, but is not limited to, the lame "future XYZ" shirts that people are given at babyshowers. The "my mommy/daddy is an XYZ" shirts are only tolerable if they are on a child who is the opposite sex of the organization's membership. Telling kids "when you become an XYZ" is equally annoying.

I think it is fine to socialize kids around college educated and professional people who are also in GLOs. What's lame is surrounding your child by a particular GLO with hopes of shaping your child's decision making process. Give your child the information and let them know they have tons of sources of information and potential letters of rec should they decide to go that route. Don't bamboozle them into thinking that's THE route for them. Let them know they have support in whatever they decide.

I don't entertain future anything from children. I only entertain aspirant conversations--meaning, people who are collegiates or alum and qualify for membership. If you are under the age of 18 and aren't a college student or alum, I don't care what you want to be. If you want to be in a sorority other than mine, don't expect me to try to speak negatively about that other sorority and persuade you to join mine when you FINALLY go to college. I had a child in the family try that with me over the holiday. LOL.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

From an NPHC perspective, prepping since birth happens and I think it is quite unfortunate.

It includes, but is not limited to, the lame "future XYZ" shirts that people are given at babyshowers. The "my mommy/daddy is an XYZ" shirts are only tolerable if they are on a child who is the opposite sex of the organization's membership. Telling kids "when you become an XYZ" is equally annoying.

I think it is fine to socialize kids around college educated and professional people who are also in GLOs. What's lame is surrounding your child by a particular GLO with hopes of shaping your child's decision making process. Give your child the information and let them know they have tons of sources of information and potential letters of rec should they decide to go that route. Don't bamboozle them into thinking that's THE route for them. Let them know they have support in whatever they decide.

I don't entertain future anything from children. I only entertain aspirant conversations--meaning, people who are collegiates or alum and qualify for membership. If you are under the age of 18, I don't care what you want to be. If you want to be in a sorority other than mine, don't expect me to try to speak negatively about that other sorority and persuade you to join mine when you FINALLY go to college. I had a child in the family try that with me over the holiday. LOL.

and it continues with decorating the child's room in organization colors/mascots, allowing the child to use the handsign in pics or doing the call in public, attending EVERY stepshow/conference/chapter meeting, threatening to not pay tuition if said child pledges something other than your org (or "brother/sister" org), joining the youth affiliate group and treating it like a little brother/sister club...

the list goes on.

i mean seriously. let the children have a mind (and affiliation) of their own. creating a legacy is awesome, but shouldnt be the rule.

[kateee]

Originally Posted by tld221

and it continues with decorating the child's room in organization colors/mascots, allowing the child to use the handsign in pics or doing the call in public, attending EVERY stepshow/conference/chapter meeting, threatening to not pay tuition if said child pledges something other than your org (or "brother/sister" org), joining the youth affiliate group and treating it like a little brother/sister club...

the list goes on.

i mean seriously. let the children have a mind (and affiliation) of their own. creating a legacy is awesome, but shouldnt be the rule.

I read these threads from start to finish haha. Sorry to bring up something so old.

I am at a college in the North East. I don't see much of this. A majority of the girls in GLO's on my campus never really gave much thought to going greek before entering college. Reading this is weird to me, and this was over the top. Wow. I would probably have never made it through recruitment in the south.

[AXiDMeesh]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

From an NPHC perspective, prepping since birth happens and I think it is quite unfortunate.

It includes, but is not limited to, the lame "future XYZ" shirts that people are given at babyshowers. The "my mommy/daddy is an XYZ" shirts are only tolerable if they are on a child who is the opposite sex of the organization's membership. Telling kids "when you become an XYZ" is equally annoying.

I think it is fine to socialize kids around college educated and professional people who are also in GLOs. What's lame is surrounding your child by a particular GLO with hopes of shaping your child's decision making process. Give your child the information and let them know they have tons of sources of information and potential letters of rec should they decide to go that route. Don't bamboozle them into thinking that's THE route for them. Let them know they have support in whatever they decide.

I don't entertain future anything from children. I only entertain aspirant conversations--meaning, people who are collegiates or alum and qualify for membership. If you are under the age of 18 and aren't a college student or alum, I don't care what you want to be. If you want to be in a sorority other than mine, don't expect me to try to speak negatively about that other sorority and persuade you to join mine when you FINALLY go to college. I had a child in the family try that with me over the holiday. LOL.

I wish you had told my mother and aunt all this.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by carnation

With release figures being the way they are now, though, it's not a given that the 'right' bid will follow. There are so so many Mary Sues out there plus a lot of other girls whom the sororities are interested in because of their great grades and strong activities and you just can't count on getting a bid from certain groups anymore.

Practically every year, especially since RFM came to be, I hear Greek Life say they received phone calls from angry/distraught moms whose daughter's life is ruined because ABC dropped them and something must be done to fix this! I've gotten similar calls from alumnae myself.

Originally Posted by Titchou

You know, it is just so blamed difficult to explain all this to a non-southerner since we grew up with it. Some things you just "know"...and I don't mean to sound snobby here...it's just reality. Southerners are just more "connected" I think...

As a Midwestern transplant, I've had to learn this and it's not been easy. After so many years I understand and have come to accept it mentally, but emotionally it's hard. It is just so different from how I grew up and my personal experiences.

Perhaps those who are not from the South can grasp it like this. IMO it is similar to some of the Ivy League grads' mindset. Your family is filled with grads from Ivy U so you expect your child to go to Ivy U. You associate with, business network with, socialize with other Ivy U grads. You are able to join certain clubs/orgs due to your connections. Doors are opened all because of where you graduated from, not who you are as a person. You know the exact social status and business/economic rankings all other Ivy League schools and their grads.

You send your kid to the right pre-school, grade school, jr high, HS, camp, etc. You make sure they are involved in the right extra curricular activities. Maybe even hire tutors to get their GPA, SAT/ACT up to snuff. You do everything with the intention of building their resume/application in order to be accepted to Ivy U. (Of course assuming you don't have a gazillion dollars to donate to the school. )

If your kid doesn't get in or simply doesn't want to go there? Well their life will be ruined, won't it? They won't get the right job, live in the right area, belong to the right clubs/orgs, marry the right person, ...

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Oddly enough, I've heard it said that the moms and PNMs who are most concerned with getting into a TOP HOUSE (and are the MOST status-conscious) are those who are NOT "shoe-ins" for top tier like Mary Sue (such as PNMs with non-greek parents).

Mary Sue has what she needs to get into ABC so getting in is (typically) not an issue. She is not pressed about what "tier" ABC is. She has grown up in a family of ABC women, so it's all she knows.

Thanks for all the interesting replies!

So if Mary Sue is an ABC super legacy and ABC is a "second tier" group (still good and acceptable but not one of "the" groups), and she would have what it takes to make it into a "top tier" group... Would she strive for "improving" herself by going for the top tier group or would she be more apt to be "content" as an ABC because that is all she knows and what is expected? Would her family be glad to have her move to a "top tier" group or would ABC membership be all that matters?

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

Thanks for all the interesting replies!

So if Mary Sue is an ABC super legacy and ABC is a "second tier" group (still good and acceptable but not one of "the" groups), and she would have what it takes to make it into a "top tier" group... Would she strive for "improving" herself by going for the top tier group or would she be more apt to be "content" as an ABC because that is all she knows and what is expected? Would her family be glad to have her move to a "top tier" group or would ABC membership be all that matters?

If I were a betting woman, I think it would be ABC all the way. You have that many ABCs in your family, many times, they don't like seeing a family member purposely join a rival organization. (Whether or not they are the same "tier" or higher.)

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

To add to my post:

I think the more blatant coaching and preparation for competitive recruitments comes from those parents and families with the LEAST amount of connections or knowledge of the Greek system. Not uber-connected PNMs with multi-generation legacies (or those who are Miss Popular at "feeder high schools").

Like I said in my post, Mary Sue isn't coached and drilled on recruitment because it isn't neccessary. She knows (based on her social circle) where she'll end up and there's no need for these extensive preparations that we read about (e.g. hiring rush coaches, interview coaches, voraciously hunting down outfits, etc). Her family is in the know and everything will work out.

The girls being blatantly and openly groomed and coached for sorority life are those not "in the know."

Those are the girls who need the extra help because they lack well-connected parents/relatives/etc.

These are the PNMs and moms who WANT to be in a top house (like Mary Sue), and thus spend alot of time preparing for the process (because they're behind the curve of those girls like Mary Sue who don't have to exert such effort).

Oddly enough, I've heard it said that the moms and PNMs who are most concerned with getting into a TOP HOUSE (and are the MOST status-conscious) are those who are NOT "shoe-ins" for top tier like Mary Sue (such as PNMs with non-greek parents).

Mary Sue has what she needs to get into ABC so getting in is (typically) not an issue. She is not pressed about what "tier" ABC is. She has grown up in a family of ABC women, so it's all she knows.

On the other hand, Suzie Jane who just moved to Anytown in 10th grade (whose mom is NOT Greek) who sees/hears about ABC all the time from the popular girls in school, is going to have to work 300% harder to come close to having a shot at it.

Suzie Jane's mother will likely invest in the heavy duty coaching because she has asked around and knows that being ABC at Anytown University is "the best" and wants her daughter to have access to the status of being one. So she, being from the outside is more concerned with what's "the best" and "top tier."

Wow, that was long. But all of this to say that heavy duty grooming and coaching is mostly for those who are trying to "break into" sorority life and the social circle that it provides in some Southern town. Not for those who have grown up in it. For them, things just are what they are.

Ding ding ding ding ding! We have a winner. What many people don't understand is that it isn't really a matter of "grooming" when it comes to being a "natural fit" (for lack of a better phrase) into a "top tier" chapter at a competitive school. These are the girls we have known since birth. We often grew up in the same neighborhood. Our parents are old friends and may have been sorority sisters and fraternity brothers. That goes for our grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. We went to the same schools. We were in Girl Scouts together. We went to camp together for years. We were debs together. We already know a lot of our sisters or their relatives long before recruitment begins, and we aren't depending on summer parties, recs etc.

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Ding ding ding ding ding! We have a winner. What many people don't understand is that it isn't really a matter of "grooming" when it comes to being a "natural fit" (for lack of a better phrase) into a "top tier" chapter at a competitive school. These are the girls we have known since birth. We often grew up in the same neighborhood. Our parents are old friends and may have been sorority sisters and fraternity brothers. That goes for our grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. We went to the same schools. We were in Girl Scouts together. We went to camp together for years. We were debs together. We already know a lot of our sisters or their relatives long before recruitment begins, and we aren't depending on summer parties, recs etc.

LadyLonghorn,

What percentage of women at the most competitive recruitment schools are debs? Is it 100%? 50%? Does it vary significantly by state or school? Does it vary significantly by "tier"?

Thanks!