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Hey guys I'm really glad I got some responses about that because that is sort of where my story is going. For all main purposes, the story is over. I will start pledging eyeliner tomorrow. However, the emotions and feelings concerning recruitment, pledging, and eyeliner and blush in general, are definitely not gone, and I would like to work through it (hopefully with your help) so I can make the most out of my experience as an eyeliner.
I think I should have put blush first. It doesn't really matter now and who knows if it would have made a difference.
And I want to comment on something one of you said. Do I think I'm better than the girls? No. I think they are extremely nice and very accepting and that's why I put them as number one. Maybe deep down I feel that I am simply better looking. Should I apologize for feeling that way? Yeah, probably, and I am sorry for sounding like a snob. These emotions are all very recent and I don't think I can get past being catty without expressing what everyone else won't say. If you want to condemn me and say I don't deserve eyeliner, fine. I love the girls as people, and I WANT to stop thinking about everything else. Maybe for some of you it's easy and you can just erase those nagging thoughts, but I'm not as strong.
What other people think does matter to me. Maybe this will just take time. The more I grow to love eyeliner, the more everything else will fade away. I don't know. I do love greek life already, and I knew no matter which sorority I ended up in, I promised myself I would give pledging a chance and initiate if I wanted.
Another thought. (And yes this is all jumbled order, but I just want to get everything out). We had a great pledge class, but I know many will drop simply because eyeliner was their last choice. It really upset me to be at the bid day dinner, excited, but most people were pretty solemn. I know some bid day parties, people probably were crying they were so happy. It almost made me feel not even good enough.
I don't know really what I'm asking, because probably all the good advice you guys will give me, is the logical and rational explanations that I can already come up with myself. I think the emotions just need to subside and then it will be easier. Thanks for listening to my story, and please leave any comments, positive or constructive. I look forward to being the best eyeliner I can be
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