I think I regret the Sorority I chose...

SororityGirl3 · #1 09-08-2009, 10:30 AM

I recently rushed at the same school my sisters went to and pledged the same sorority as they both were in. I now find myself regretting it and wishing I had pledged one of my other choices because I feel as though I'd be happier there. I feel like I chose the sorority I'm in because of my sisters and their friends were pressuring me and I thought they would be upset if I didn't choose their house. I don't want anyone to be upset with me but I really feel like I would be happier at a different house. I don't know how to go about dropping the sorority that I'm currently a pledge at... Don't get me wrong, the girls are great but I just don't click with them or feel at home. Can someone maybe give me some advice on how to handle this?

Benzgirl · #2 09-08-2009, 10:38 AM

How recent is recently? I think you should give it a chance by giving it some more time.

KSUViolet06 · #3 09-08-2009, 10:42 AM

How long have you been a member? Alot of times, girls freak out about not fitting in when they've only been a member for like, a week.

ThetaDancer · #4 09-08-2009, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SororityGirl3

I recently rushed at the same school my sisters went to and pledged the same sorority as they both were in. I now find myself regretting it and wishing I had pledged one of my other choices because I feel as though I'd be happier there. I feel like I chose the sorority I'm in because of my sisters and their friends were pressuring me and I thought they would be upset if I didn't choose their house. I don't want anyone to be upset with me but I really feel like I would be happier at a different house. I don't know how to go about dropping the sorority that I'm currently a pledge at... Don't get me wrong, the girls are great but I just don't click with them or feel at home. Can someone maybe give me some advice on how to handle this?

If you browse around GreekChat for a bit, you'll find plenty of threads in which people express they had doubts at first. If you did get a bid very recently, then, as others have said, give it a little bit of time to see if you adjust. A lot of people expect to instantly feel "at home," and while some people may have that experience, others make their sorority feel like home. Make an effort to really become involved with your sorority and try spending time with women in your new member class outside of required/planned events. After a bit more time and getting to know people better, see if you feel differently.

Keep in mind that it's also hard to realistically say that you think you'd be happier in another sorority...it may be a case of "the grass is always greener."

Barbie's_Rush · #5 09-08-2009, 11:18 AM

Even if you resign, what makes you think you could get into the sorority of your dreams? At many schools, you'll be considered damaged goods so your Greek life will end forever if you drop.

AOII Angel · #6 09-08-2009, 11:22 AM

Also remember that you are not allowed to pledge another group for a whole year anyway, so giving your current group a chance for as long as you can is giving yourself a chance as well. Have you gotten a big sis yet?

Barbie's_Rush · #7 09-08-2009, 11:33 AM

You also don't know that you would have received a bid from your "dream chapter" if you hadn't put your current chapter first. It's all speculation, fantasy about how much better your life would be and wishing at this point.

RhoGamma09 · #8 09-08-2009, 11:57 AM

Hey there!

I would stick it out a while longer. Girls go through a whole range of difficulties when they are in their new member period.

Some girls feel right at home right away and they never look back

Some girls are upset that their house isnt their first choice but then come to love it and never look back

Some girls feel really great about it, then a few weeks into it, start to worry they arent fitting in, they either make friends and do fine or fade away and drop

Some girls go through the whole new member period, but when suddenly all the attention is off of them as actives, they feel like they dont fit in

Some girls take weeks, but they eventually make friends and fit right in

There is a whole range, remember, even though initially you feel like "Oh! I have 60 - 100 new friends now!" you still have to make the effort, because in the end, these girls dont know you all that well and you dont know them, you have to make the effort to go out with them, hang out, etc....they might be making a lot of effort while youre a NM, but you gotta reciprocate.

Honestly, if you really feel awful, then drop before you get initiated, but I would seriously try hard. I always feel that the bid you get is how things fell together and its fate. They wanted you, that is an honor, and often times, there is no "grass on the other side". If you tried again, you there is a good chance you wouldn't get into the sorority that you wanted...the other girls might not understand why you would drop your first house!

ISUKappa · #9 09-08-2009, 12:45 PM

Define "happier". Would you be more active? Have more friends? Feel like you could be yourself vs. someone's younger sister? Happier is kind of a vague term for something you've barely just begun to be a part of.

I pledged my legacy chapter. My sister had just graduated so, even though she was no longer in the house, everyone knew her. While we have somewhat similar tastes, we have completely different personalities. People were so used to what she was like that I think it was kind of a shock when I turned out to be so different.

There were many, many times that first semester (and even beyond then) where I wondered if I'd made the right choice, if I really fit in, if they wanted me for *me* or just because I was a legacy. It was difficult sometimes, but I made a choice to be a part of this organization and I was going to make the most of it.

I got involved right away with helping out with things - Derby Days, Homecoming, etc... I got to know older members as well as the girls in my pledge class (even though I didn't always get along with all of them). I went to the chapter house as often as I could.

I was never BFF with everyone in my chapter (no one ever is). I had a few really close friends who were all in different grades and then was "good" friends with a bunch of other girls. I also had good friends in different chapters on campus.

Now, 10 years out, I am extremely happy with my sorority. I do sometimes look back and wish I could have done some things differently (doesn't everyone?) but the alumna experience has been 100x more fulfilling for me.

Stick it out for a little bit longer. Go through the New Member period. If you still don't feel "happy" when initiation rolls around, then consider resigning at that time. But be aware that depending on your campus, this may be your only shot at being in a sorority. If it's something that's important to you, you may just need to change your view. Find an older member (not one of your sisters if they're still in the chapter) to talk to. Chances are you aren't the only one who ever felt that way.

ComradesTrue · #10 09-08-2009, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ISUKappa

Define "happier". Would you be more active? Have more friends? Feel like you could be yourself vs. someone's younger sister? Happier is kind of a vague term for something you've barely just begun to be a part of.

I pledged my legacy chapter. My sister had just graduated so, even though she was no longer in the house, everyone knew her. While we have somewhat similar tastes, we have completely different personalities. People were so used to what she was like that I think it was kind of a shock when I turned out to be so different.

There were many, many times that first semester (and even beyond then) where I wondered if I'd made the right choice, if I really fit in, if they wanted me for *me* or just because I was a legacy. It was difficult sometimes, but I made a choice to be a part of this organization and I was going to make the most of it.

I got involved right away with helping out with things - Derby Days, Homecoming, etc... I got to know older members as well as the girls in my pledge class (even though I didn't always get along with all of them). I went to the chapter house as often as I could.

I was never BFF with everyone in my chapter (no one ever is). I had a few really close friends who were all in different grades and then was "good" friends with a bunch of other girls. I also had good friends in different chapters on campus.

Now, 10 years out, I am extremely happy with my sorority. I do sometimes look back and wish I could have done some things differently (doesn't everyone?) but the alumna experience has been 100x more fulfilling for me.

Stick it out for a little bit longer. Go through the New Member period. If you still don't feel "happy" when initiation rolls around, then consider resigning at that time. But be aware that depending on your campus, this may be your only shot at being in a sorority. If it's something that's important to you, you may just need to change your view. Find an older member (not one of your sisters if they're still in the chapter) to talk to. Chances are you aren't the only one who ever felt that way.

Applause.

MidwayManiac · #11 09-08-2009, 01:56 PM

SG3, I would look at the members who were new members one year ago. Do they seem at home and like they fit in? That is going to be you a year from now. I have been "the new person" many many times in my life, and the thing that more than anything else makes me feel like I fit in is welcoming a new set of "new people".

I think for most people there is an adjustment period when they start something totally new, so what you are feeling is pretty normal. Another thing that is totally normal is eventually getting comfortable and totally fitting in.

APhiAnna · #12 09-08-2009, 02:07 PM

Stick out until close to initiation. But, if you do still feel uncomfortable...
1. Get a gauge on your campuses chances for rushing as a sophomore. If sophomores routinely get bids to even the most competitive chapters then there is a strong chance you can get a bid next year. If not, this may be your only shot to be in a chapter.
2. Realize that this may cast you as "damaged goods" for some chapters...but the opposite also may be true. If your sorority, ABC, is rivals with XYZ, they may love the opportunity of pledging the sister of two members of their rival. So they may view you as a novelty more than a potential sister.
3. What were your choices at pref? Did you get chapters you would have been happy with? While there is absolutely NO guarantee that you would have even gotten a bid to these chapters, if you got the majority of your top choices during rush and the majority of those chapters will take sophomores, then you have a shot at them (once again, not guaranteed). If you didn't get them or did but they are reliable for not taking any sophomores, your current chapter might be your best bet.
4. TALK to your sisters! They may have even gone through a similar phase as you, especially the middle one. Even if not I think it would make the whole thing easier for you...if you have a good relationship with them that is

33girl · #13 09-08-2009, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

4. TALK to your sisters! They may have even gone through a similar phase as you, especially the middle one. Even if not I think it would make the whole thing easier for you...if you have a good relationship with them that is

Yes. This. One of my pledgesisters was in your exact situation - 2 sisters in the chapter before her. She was very different than they were (as was the chapter by the time she got in it) and she def had some of the same feelings you are having. It all worked out, though, and she laughed at herself for ever thinking she wanted to be in a different group. Just give it some time.

pinkyphimu · #14 09-08-2009, 07:54 PM

I think that you might feel that way no matter what group you joined. People don't just "fit in" automatically, even if it appears they do. Plus, you will find yourself in similar situations in life. I started a new job a few weeks ago and I don't have people to eat lunch with every day or to chat about something funny that happened at home. I have to work at building those kinds of relationships, inviting people to lunch, etc. I had tons of friends at my old job, so it is lonely at times, but I have only been there 3 weeks. Make an effort to get to know people and get involved with activities. Things will get better and if initiation is around the corner and they haven't gotten better, then think about dropping.