Not Keen on Having Kids support thread

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

Not really - I think that stuff has been around for years. It's just that people gloss over it with their "Back in the day..." type stories.

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

Not really - I think that stuff has been around for years. It's just that people gloss over it with their "Back in the day..." type stories.

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

Not that you knew of...

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

To a point true...but just one aspect...we didn't have kids killing each other in school at the rate as we were coming up unlike now.

But, I guess it's subjective

Do you know that for a fact, though? I would be interested to see statistics on school violence, especially comparing the number of incidents in past decades. Part of me wonders whether the publicity of it all is a post-Columbine issue.

ETA: I guess my point is that I'm not sure how much better things were "back in the day," or whether things were actually all that much safer for children.

[SWTXBelle]

I always wonder how much more is reported now vs. "back in the day" when it seems to me we were much less aware of a great deal outside of a fairly narrow sphere.

[PhoenixAzul]

My husband and I are childfree. We will not have children. Period. I have no desire to be pregnant, to give birth, to parent, to do any of that. Zero. What I find galling is that it is so difficult in the US for a childless woman under a certain age to get her tubes tied or have the Essure procedure or have an IUD inserted.

The reason?

"You might change your mind."

Apparently, women are smart enough to be able to decide they WANT children, but not smart enough to decide they DON'T WANT children. I've had so many doctors go, "YOU HAVE AN IUD?! WHY!!!" umm...because I got it free through the NHS, it lasts for 10 years, BC pills cost money every month and you've got to remember to take the dang things, I'm married and I don't want kids. If my body becomes possessed, I can have it removed. Seems like a good solution to me?

And like others have said...I like my lifestyle. I like being able to spend weekends going on roadtrips, or sleeping in with my husband, or spending 3 hrs on my bike because I want to. I love my work and research and there's no way I can do that with a kid (especially with how crappy maternity/paternity leave is in this country).

This is not to say that I hate kids, quite the opposite. I volunteer for a Boys and Girls Club, the Girl Scouts, I teach catechism...I just have no real desire to be a parent. My brother and SIL are very keen on having kids, and they'll be tremendous parents, and I'll be psyched to be an aunt. It's just that it isn't for everyone.

[deepimpact2]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

My husband and I are childfree. We will not have children. Period. I have no desire to be pregnant, to give birth, to parent, to do any of that. Zero. What I find galling is that it is so difficult in the US for a childless woman under a certain age to get her tubes tied or have the Essure procedure or have an IUD inserted.

The reason?

"You might change your mind."

Apparently, women are smart enough to be able to decide they WANT children, but not smart enough to decide they DON'T WANT children. I've had so many doctors go, "YOU HAVE AN IUD?! WHY!!!" umm...because I got it free through the NHS, it lasts for 10 years, BC pills cost money every month and you've got to remember to take the dang things, I'm married and I don't want kids. If my body becomes possessed, I can have it removed. Seems like a good solution to me?

.

UGH. Don't even get me started on this. I have been fighting this battle for the past month. I want to have the Essure and my doctor is pitching a fit.

1. She just had her third baby and so she doesn't understand why I don't want any kids.
2. Because we both lost our moms at a young age (22) she thinks that I won't feel "whole" again until I have a baby of my own. She feels that way because that is what happened with her. She never wanted kids either. Then once she got married, she changed her mind. She said when she had her first baby, she finally felt "whole" again after losing her mom.


So I had to go to the office three times to convince her I really want it done. However, on the last visit last week I ended up snapping at the CNA. The CNA was taking my blood pressure. She looked down at me and smirked and then said, " why are you trying to have an Essure when you're so young and you don't have any kids?" The next thing I knew, I was responding back, " Because I don't want any damn kids." It came out before I realized it, but she had pissed me completely off. I normally don't use that kind of language when angry. She knew she was out of line asking me that question so she apologized.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

So I had to go to the office three times to convince her I really want it done. However, on the last visit last week I ended up snapping at the CNA. The CNA was taking my blood pressure. She looked down at me and smirked and then said, " why are you trying to have an Essure when you're so young and you don't have any kids?" The next thing I knew, I was responding back, " Because I don't want any damn kids." It came out before I realized it, but she had pissed me completely off. I normally don't use that kind of language when angry. She knew she was out of line asking me that question so she apologized.

Sometimes that is unfortunately how you have to put it to people who cant get a friggin clue.

I would rather someone know beforehand they dont want kids and take measures to prevent an unwanted pregnancy from happening than to have the kids and then decide later it wasnt a good idea for them.

[Jimmy Choo]

Originally Posted by deepimpact2

2. Because we both lost our moms at a young age (22) she thinks that I won't feel "whole" again until I have a baby of my own. She feels that way because that is what happened with her. She never wanted kids either. Then once she got married, she changed her mind. She said when she had her first baby, she finally felt "whole" again after losing her mom.

It's stuff like this that complete enrages me. I lost my mom when i was 17. I didn't want kids at all then and I'm only lukewarm to the idea now. A kid won't make anyone "whole" who is grieving a loss. The pain gets easier but you never fill that void!!! I would have lost my crap if someone said that to me.