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I can completely understand the feelings of distaste you may be having for the recruitment system at UT. Rush at UT is incredibly competitive and very emotional for both mother and daughter. You are a caring and loving mother and you are hurting for your daughter - all of which is natural.
That being said, I still cannot agree with your assessment that no out of state PNM's should bother with rush. My daughter went through rush as a freshman at UT last year and there were some out-of-stater's accepted into her sorority in her pledge class and also in the (just completed) pledge class for this year. As a matter of fact, her roommate this year at the sorority house is from the west coast. In spite of this, I would say that it may be true that someone from out of state probably needs to be outstanding to overcome the fact that she has no direct connections/friends or acquaintances from high school to pull for her within a sorority during recruitment. There are so many factors that come into play at UT when rushing, not just for girls from out-of-state, but for EVERYONE. One of the things that my daughter learned after pledging is that there is definitely a lot of emphasis put on zip codes and what high school an individual went to, particularly in some of the sororities that are considered to be the more "elite" ones on campus. Once she had pledged, people were very open in discussing this... and there was a lot of discussion about it during preparation for recruitment this year. It is apparently no secret - it is just the way things have been done for years. I am not going to comment on what I think about this method of qualifying PNM's - it is what it is, and what I think is not going to change a thing. However, my daughter did laughingly say at one point that it can actually be advantageous to be from out of state because it forces those sororities who employ this method to really look at the girl as an individual based on her academic performance, leadership and talents rather than as the stereotype associated with where she lived and went to school. Bottom line is that there are factors that affect everyone, not just those individuals who happen to be from out of state.
I'm so sorry about your daughter. Rush is a brutal process. But I don't want any PNM reading this thread to not attempt rushing based on your comment. My daughter is so incredibly thrilled with her house and is surrounded by the most amazing and accomplished sisters. The process was hard, there were some tears along the way, but the end result was well worth it. The main thing that any girl planning to rush needs to do is be realistic about her prospects, open to the process, really work on connecting with the women she meets during rush, and not get her heart set on one particular house. The main thing that any mother needs to do as her daughter goes through this process is to stay unemotional and supportive... be there to applaud if there is a happy ending... and be there to tell her that it is not the end of the world if things don't work out... because it REALLY IS NOT the end of the world. UT is an amazing school, Austin is a fun place to live... and I know your daughter will have an incredible life changing experience there! Best of luck to her!
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