Married & rushing?

[budger1984]

Thank you to everyone. I didn't go through recruitment before because I was always afraid to. I was intimidated, but now I feel like if I don't, I will regret it.

My husband supports it 100% as long as it makes me happy.

It is not that I want to join Alpha Gamma Delta, and no one else, it was one that I did a bit of research on already so I just asked about it. I want to give all the sororities a chance, because I don't think it would be fair to judge before meeting them.

The man at the Greek Life office said he did some "research" after I asked him about being married. I should have clarified, he said 3 of the 4 ask current members to take alumnae status if they get married in college. So, he doesn't think they will extend a bid to someone who is already married (which makes sense).

You're right, I won't really mention my husband during recruitment unless of course someone outright asks about my being married.

Also, I'm afraid they will not like my being married or think I'm weird for going through recruitment, but I feel like this is something I will regret if I don't at least give it a shot.

Thanks again to everyone, and if you have anymore suggestions or comments, I would really appreciate them :-).

[tld221]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Just out of curiousity, have you been married for your entire college career? Why didn't you rush before this?

Unless the staff of your Greek life office are members of the chapters, they should NOT be making statements about any chapter's member selection policies.

im going to make an assumption, for my argument - if OP was born in 84 (as her username displays), and is going into junior year, im guessing she didn't start college at 18, but perhaps like 20/21? rush is pretty intimidating at 18, and i can't imagine as a 20/21 year old freshman, going through rush with mostly 18 year old freshmen is a cake walk. but im stating the obvious here.

Originally Posted by budger1984

Thank you to everyone. I didn't go through recruitment before because I was always afraid to. I was intimidated, but now I feel like if I don't, I will regret it.

My husband supports it 100% as long as it makes me happy.

It is not that I want to join Alpha Gamma Delta, and no one else, it was one that I did a bit of research on already so I just asked about it. I want to give all the sororities a chance, because I don't think it would be fair to judge before meeting them.

The man at the Greek Life office said he did some "research" after I asked him about being married. I should have clarified, he said 3 of the 4 ask current members to take alumnae status if they get married in college. So, he doesn't think they will extend a bid to someone who is already married (which makes sense).

You're right, I won't really mention my husband during recruitment unless of course someone outright asks about my being married.

Also, I'm afraid they will not like my being married or think I'm weird for going through recruitment, but I feel like this is something I will regret if I don't at least give it a shot.

Thanks again to everyone, and if you have anymore suggestions or comments, I would really appreciate them :-).

this may be private info, but is there a reason why married UG members are required to take early alum status? being married doesnt change your student status. does it have more relevance to chapters where all members live in the house (and perhaps, a married member may not live in)?

i understand transfer members taking early alum (if that chapter doesnt accept transfers) because they weren't initiated at that school's chapter, but a married member?

[kddani]

Originally Posted by tld221

im going to make an assumption, for my argument - if OP was born in 84 (as her username displays), and is going into junior year, im guessing she didn't start college at 18, but perhaps like 20/21? rush is pretty intimidating at 18, and i can't imagine as a 20/21 year old freshman, going through rush with mostly 18 year old freshmen is a cake walk. but im stating the obvious here.

I can't imagine being a 25 year old junior and going through rush with 18 year olds and joining a group where the members are 18-22 for the most part. There's a huge difference in station of life between a 25 year old married woman and an 18 year old freshman.

[budger1984]

Originally Posted by kddani

I can't imagine being a 25 year old junior and going through rush with 18 year olds and joining a group where the members are 18-22 for the most part. There's a huge difference in station of life between a 25 year old married woman and an 18 year old freshman.

Actually I'm not 25 yet ...lol. Anyway, this too is something I was worried about. I don't know if I will have anything in common with 18-22 year olds. Then again, we don't all have to be exactly alike to be friends...

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by budger1984

Actually I'm not 24 yet ...lol. Anyway, this too is something I was worried about. I don't know if I will have anything in common with 18-22 year olds. Then again, we don't all have to be exactly alike to be friends...

No, however it helps to have something in common, and most 18 year olds don't hang around with married people on a regular basis. I also don't know that as a collegiate I would have been very forgiving of someone who withheld that they were married to get a bid and then threw that information out there after the fact....Oh wait, I dealt with that and my chapter was really pissed at the girl who did that, because she kept it a secret until initiation. We all wondered why she never came to events that weren't required, and why she seemingly had no interest in some of the guys who would hang out.

She also waited until after that to tell us she was prego as well...it was a great situation.

Do what you want, but realize 18. 19 and 20 year olds aren't always the most open-minded when it comes to things like this.

[budger1984]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

No, however it helps to have something in common, and most 18 year olds don't hang around with married people on a regular basis. I also don't know that as a collegiate I would have been very forgiving of someone who withheld that they were married to get a bid and then threw that information out there after the fact....Oh wait, I dealt with that and my chapter was really pissed at the girl who did that, because she kept it a secret until initiation. We all wondered why she never came to events that weren't required, and why she seemingly had no interest in some of the guys who would hang out.

She also waited until after that to tell us she was prego as well...it was a great situation.

Do what you want, but realize 18. 19 and 20 year olds aren't always the most open-minded when it comes to things like this.

I have no intentions of keeping anything a secret... I would want to be open and honest with these people. I just won't go on and on about being married.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by budger1984

Actually I'm not 24 yet ...lol. Anyway, this too is something I was worried about. I don't know if I will have anything in common with 18-22 year olds. Then again, we don't all have to be exactly alike to be friends...

No, but for example, I'm 24 and SINGLE and I have a hard time finding things in common with college freshmen. I can't imagine being active in a sorority again with 18 year olds.

Something else to consider:

Alot of times, social events in sororities involve theme parties/mixers with fraternities. Is this something you and your husband feel comfortable with?

Also, there may be weekend retreats where you might need to be away from home for a couple days. Not every married couple is cool with that, and you don't want to be "that annoying married girl who spent all of retreat talking to/texting her hubby."

In general, just ask yourself if you really can relate to girls in that age range who most likely are not married. Alot of freshmen and sophs are away from home for the first time and partying, meeting new guys, talking about said guys, etc. You are at a different place than they are.

If you even think you'll spend most of your time saying "UGH OMG these girls are sooooo immature!!!" you may want to re-think this a little.

[UGAalum94]

I actually like it that the greek life office person was this helpful. Usually they will set people up to go through recruitment no matter what their chances of getting a bid are. Here the guy said up front, 3/4s of the groups probably won't be able to consider you.

OP, I think you just have to ask yourself if you are interested in all the groups on your campus enough that if having a shot at 1 is good enough to encourage you to go through. I doubt you're going to be able to figure it out because I suspect this is one of those rules that even if there's no national or international GLO policy on it, the particularly chapters rules might be different. I'm guessing that the picture looks kind of bad for your membership. If 3/4 can't take married people, there's a chance that the campus culture is such that it's going to be hard to get a bid from the one.

As far as why groups would have this policy, I suspect it has to do with a time that most chapters were at campuses with really only traditional students and that it was assumed that a married woman's interests would be too different from other undergraduates. It was probably also assumed that other women's organizations served the needs of married women. And, I'll be honest, I think at a lot of campuses even today, social sororities and fraternities best serve the needs of single people and pretty young ones at that. A 25 year-old needs a home away from home in a totally different way than an 18 year-old away from home for the first time does.

If you've got a lot of non-traditional or returning students, then social GLO may offer something a little different and a married woman would probably get a lot more out of what a chapter has to offer.