Why are questioning PNMs consistently demonized here? - Page 2

APhiAnna · #16 02-09-2009, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epchick

So I don't know if it's because I'm almost in a Mexican-food induced coma, but your last few sentences do not make sense. WTH are you talking about? Who isn't "stepping up to the plate" and what aren't they "owning?" And how the heck are those two 'scenarios' the same?

I think at GC, everybody is Panhellenic and doesn't like the fact that some girls in top tier chapters can be, at times, catty and rude to PNMs, other chapters, etc. Many women on GC are, by their own admission, from chapters that struggled with recruitment and numbers and are very vocal about women being bitchy, starting rumors, etc because their chapters were very hurt by these rude actions. Essentially, they bemoan the fact (and rightly so) that these girls are campus "mean girls" and that it harms the Panhellenic community and specific chapters.

However, some people will say that in one post and then be the Greek Chat "mean girls" themselves and be rude to anybody they feel like it. Their excuses ("just deal with it, we're not changing") are identical to the excuses that those rude top tier girls use.

I see a lot of the same exclusivity, pretentiousness, self-congratulation, and quite frankly, tremendous insecurity, between the women who cut PNMs for exceedingly superficial reasons and start rumors and the women who gang up on random people with rude statements here.

I don't see how this connection is far fetched at all. In fact, I don't think it is. If people don't want to see it, or admit it, they won't.

Senusret I · #17 02-09-2009, 12:37 AM

Nobody's organization is hurt by these things. Jeez.

#18 02-09-2009, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Nobody's organization is hurt by these things. Jeez.

I was just about to post this. I can't help but roll my eyes whenever I see "belittling your organization". That's lame.

It's one thing to think someone's belittling themselves, fine. If I think Senusret I's** being an arrogant asshat, should I think less of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.? Absolutely not.

**used for entertainment purposes only.

KSUViolet06 · #19 02-09-2009, 01:02 AM

In alot of cases, PNMs are looking for people to tell them what they want to hear.

For example, the most recent post from the young lady asking "how we decide who gets bids?"

I believe she received VERY POLITE answers stating that this wasn't something we discussed.

But she kept asking about it.

That's when people are rude.

I would like to think that PNMs would LIKE to hear some honest feedback about things.

Nothing in life is sugarcoated. Ever. Like, not getting a job, not getting the house you wanted to buy, etc.

Recruitment is one of those things.

I find that it is much more helpful to be honest with a PNM so she can go into the process FULLY PREPARED and knowing all possible outcomes (you may not get a bid, you may not get your top choice, you may not be 100% happy).

I'd much rather be honest with a PNM than see her get hurt thinking that everything turns out perfectly in the world of recruitment and sorority life.

If that makes me "mean" then so be it.

I do however think that there is way to be tactfully honest however. It's like those retro threads. It's not so much in what a PNM says, but how it is said.

ZTA72 · #20 02-09-2009, 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

But she kept asking about it.
That's when people are rude.
I would like to think that PNMs would LIKE to hear some honest feedback about things. If that makes me "mean" then so be it.

100% agree. I've never posted so much in a thread, but this got to be crazy. I started out trying to help and look where that went. Being nasty in a post as a PNM just doesn't make sense to me. I think we were all very * nice and pleasant* until the PNM became rude and hostile. Guess we all just need to get over it. I know I do. WOW.

LadyLonghorn · #21 02-09-2009, 01:16 AM

Actually, I see a lot of support given to rejected/dejected PNMs here, but they really lose a lot of support once they start talking about how they decided one or two groups who continued to invite them back were below their standards. Or when they repeatedly ask for confidential information and make multiple threads asking the same thing in different words. Or when they continue to not believe the answers we give because their situation is obviously so special and unique. Those are the kinds of things that do not endear someone to many of the GC regulars, myself included.

KSUViolet06 · #22 02-09-2009, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Actually, I see a lot of support given to rejected/dejected PNMs here, but they really lose a lot of support once they start talking about how they decided one or two groups who continued to invite them back were below their standards. Or when they repeatedly ask for confidential information and make multiple threads asking the same thing in different words. Or when they continue to not believe the answers we give because their situation is obviously so special and unique. Those are the kinds of things that do not endear someone to many of the GC regulars, myself included.

YES.

And be honest, how many times have you seen a GC member respond with an "Oh I'm totally sorry hun" when a girl ends up not getting a bid?

Alot.

Mean girls say "Tough luck hun, better run along and cry now."

We really don't do that.

epchick · #23 02-09-2009, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

We really don't do that.

Exactly.

People see what they want to see, and ignore the rest.

KSUViolet06 · #24 02-09-2009, 08:54 AM

I also think it's worth noting that PNM that the OP is probably referring to HAD her question answered VERY politely when she asked.

She asked "how we decided on new members." We said "That's not something we can discuss." I certainly don't find that to be rude.

gee_ess · #25 02-09-2009, 10:27 AM

I reread that thread that the OP is referring to (How do sororities decide?) and I agree that many of GCers responded politely (and I, too, have seen it often. We are sympathetic and try to be helpful.)

The problem arises when people, for whatever reason, act flippant right off the bat. Post # 3 from the original thread comes to mind. The girl (OP) really had a legitimate question - she is naiive, obviously, but to spout off a comment about throwing darts in answer to what was obviously a real question was rude. It smacks of "we're in the club, you're not."

Again, many tried to help but one or two posters kept acting accusatory (like she should KNOW better which she obviously didn't or she wouldn't have cut the last house on pref night) and she eventually got defensive and that didn't bode well for the whole thread.

I agree, she didn't act in an exemplary manner but she didn't throw the first punch. IMO

kddani · #26 02-09-2009, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I reread that thread that the OP is referring to (How do sororities decide?) and I agree that many of GCers responded politely (and I, too, have seen it often. We are sympathetic and try to be helpful.)

The problem arises when people, for whatever reason, act flippant right off the bat. Post # 3 from the original thread comes to mind. The girl (OP) really had a legitimate question - she is naiive, obviously, but to spout off a comment about throwing darts in answer to what was obviously a real question was rude. It smacks of "we're in the club, you're not."

Again, many tried to help but one or two posters kept acting accusatory (like she should KNOW better which she obviously didn't or she wouldn't have cut the last house on pref night) and she eventually got defensive and that didn't bode well for the whole thread.

I agree, she didn't act in an exemplary manner but she didn't throw the first punch. IMO

Yep, it was a flippant response. And sorry that you don't have a sense of humor. I didn't realize that we weren't allowed to joke on these boards!

She's seeking private membership information. She likely already sought it on her campus and didn't get the answer she liked. Rho Chis will tell you that membership selection is private. It's also a question that has been asked a billion times on these boards.

If you would've read my response, I went on to say "Seriously, we can't tell you how members are picked. There are a ton of threads that may answer some of your questions, so spend some time reading."

Sorry it wasn't to your liking.

sigmadiva · #27 02-09-2009, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

I really don't understand why every time a hurting/confused/bewildered PNM comes on this board to try to find help and support, they end up being demonized. Yes, these questions get asked time and time again. Yes, there are lots of threads out there that address these questions.

I'm a member in a NPHC org, so I really think it is nice that so many NPC women try to answer PNMs questions / concerns about how their recruitment ended up. Because I can tell that for NPHC, when people come on here to ask questions / inquire about membership that person is not answered at all and their thread (question) is deleted. NPHC members on this board don't take the time to address the 'woe is me' PNM. And, I think that is how it should be.

AOII Angel · #28 02-09-2009, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

I'm a member in a NPHC org, so I really think it is nice that so many NPC women try to answer PNMs questions / concerns about how their recruitment ended up. Because I can tell that for NPHC, when people come on here to ask questions / inquire about membership that person is not answered at all and their thread (question) is deleted. NPHC members on this board don't take the time to address the 'woe is me' PNM. And, I think that is how it should be.

An alternative would be to close the thread once relevant information is given before the PNM has a chance to raise the ire of GCers. I have to say that KSUViolet consistently gives excellent advice in a very pleasant manner.

sigmadiva · #29 02-09-2009, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

An alternative would be to close the thread once relevant information is given before the PNM has a chance to raise the ire of GCers. I have to say that KSUViolet consistently gives excellent advice in a very pleasant manner.

Relevant information is given. If you notice, there are 'stickies' at the top of each of the NPHC's forums explaining the membership information that is available on-line. We usually direct the person to our IHQ website where that info is given. We just don't discuss it any further than that.

AOII Angel · #30 02-09-2009, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Relevant information is given. If you notice, there are 'stickies' at the top of each of the NPHC's forums explaining the membership information that is available on-line. We usually direct the person to our IHQ website where that info is given. We just don't discuss it any further than that.

I know how the NPHC handles these situations, but NPC is a little bit different. We don't mind having people inquire about membership, so completely banning any of these questions is a little hypocritical for us.