Why are questioning PNMs consistently demonized here?

[swtlilsoni]

Originally Posted by kddani

Yep, it was a flippant response. And sorry that you don't have a sense of humor. I didn't realize that we weren't allowed to joke on these boards!

She's seeking private membership information. She likely already sought it on her campus and didn't get the answer she liked. Rho Chis will tell you that membership selection is private. It's also a question that has been asked a billion times on these boards.

If you would've read my response, I went on to say "Seriously, we can't tell you how members are picked. There are a ton of threads that may answer some of your questions, so spend some time reading."

Sorry it wasn't to your liking.

I dont think the argument started because of me pressing for answers. When people said it was private information I said okay and accepted whatever advice was given. The issue started when you and OTW started blaming me for a personal decision I made completely unrelated to the original question.

So although hostility on this board can stem from a poster consistently nagging for answers, just a reminder that it can also come about from personal attacks (which was the case in my thread).

[33girl]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

I dont think the argument started because of me pressing for answers. When people said it was private information I said okay and accepted whatever advice was given. The issue started when you and OTW started blaming me for a personal decision I made completely unrelated to the original question.

If it was completely unrelated, you shouldn't have offered it up to begin with.

We can only answer questions from what people post on here. That goes both ways. Sometimes people don't say enough and get either a better or worse response than they should. Sometimes people say too much and the same thing happens. In your case, you should have just said that you were wondering about member selection, and left it at that without talking about turning down the pref invite. When people say something's private, let it GO. We disclose an awful lot on here (sometimes even too much for my taste, and I never thought I'd say that) and to have a PNM or anyone else keep nagging and saying what we've given isn't enough, doesn't exactly engender warm feelings.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by kddani

Yep, it was a flippant response. And sorry that you don't have a sense of humor. I didn't realize that we weren't allowed to joke on these boards!

sorry it wasn't to your liking.

Hey, I love a good joke. The Chuck Norris thread is an alltime favorite.

In this case, the OP wasn't looking for wisecracks and jokes.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

I really don't understand why every time a hurting/confused/bewildered PNM comes on this board to try to find help and support, they end up being demonized. Yes, these questions get asked time and time again. Yes, there are lots of threads out there that address these questions.

I'm a member in a NPHC org, so I really think it is nice that so many NPC women try to answer PNMs questions / concerns about how their recruitment ended up. Because I can tell that for NPHC, when people come on here to ask questions / inquire about membership that person is not answered at all and their thread (question) is deleted. NPHC members on this board don't take the time to address the 'woe is me' PNM. And, I think that is how it should be.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

I'm a member in a NPHC org, so I really think it is nice that so many NPC women try to answer PNMs questions / concerns about how their recruitment ended up. Because I can tell that for NPHC, when people come on here to ask questions / inquire about membership that person is not answered at all and their thread (question) is deleted. NPHC members on this board don't take the time to address the 'woe is me' PNM. And, I think that is how it should be.

An alternative would be to close the thread once relevant information is given before the PNM has a chance to raise the ire of GCers. I have to say that KSUViolet consistently gives excellent advice in a very pleasant manner.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

An alternative would be to close the thread once relevant information is given before the PNM has a chance to raise the ire of GCers. I have to say that KSUViolet consistently gives excellent advice in a very pleasant manner.

Relevant information is given. If you notice, there are 'stickies' at the top of each of the NPHC's forums explaining the membership information that is available on-line. We usually direct the person to our IHQ website where that info is given. We just don't discuss it any further than that.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

Relevant information is given. If you notice, there are 'stickies' at the top of each of the NPHC's forums explaining the membership information that is available on-line. We usually direct the person to our IHQ website where that info is given. We just don't discuss it any further than that.

I know how the NPHC handles these situations, but NPC is a little bit different. We don't mind having people inquire about membership, so completely banning any of these questions is a little hypocritical for us.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I know how the NPHC handles these situations, but NPC is a little bit different. We don't mind having people inquire about membership, so completely banning any of these questions is a little hypocritical for us.

Which is exactly what the NPC women in this thread have said - they will address the PNMs issues, to a point.

My post was to point out that, while the OP may not like the *type* of responses given, at least y'all respond, because it does not happen for every group / org.

[ASTalumna06]

The point is, PNMs come here to ask questions and look for advice. I think we all understand that they don't completely comprehend the details of sorority life. This is why they ask the questions of the people who do know and understand what sorority life is all about.

So when they ask, and they don't fully understand the answer, or they don't hear what they want to, they ask the same question in a different way, or say "No, you don't get it." And in some cases, they provide very little detail concerning their situation, they receive answers based on those basic questions, and then they get mad because we're "judging" them. If you don't want to provide details, that's fine. But don't get mad when people answer you based on limited information.

And it doesn't just happen with PNMs. There was this thread not too long ago...

http://greekchat.com/gcforums/showthread.php?t=102329

...where a new member was wondering why she wasn't bonding with her sisters. She said that she doesn't go to a lot of events, and she never goes to mixers and formals and usually makes other plans on those nights. People here gave her good advice about making an effort to hang out and go to social functions, and then she flipped out saying she couldn't because of a medical condition.

Basically, if you're looking for advice from knowledgeable people, you have to be willing to accept what they tell you... even if it's not what you want to hear. Because chances are, we're not lying to you. And if that was the case, this site probably wouldn't have lasted as long as it has.

[agzg]

I just wanted to use that picture. That's all.

[BetteDavisEyes]

This thread will be complete with the insertion of a lolcat.

[kddani]

[TriDeltaSallie]

Wow. The maturity displayed and ability to actually stick to the topic at hand rather than resorting to personal attack is breathtaking.

But that was the point and several of you have proved in spades.

Thanks for making my night!

[nittanyalum]

Suggested new thread title:

Why don't GCers that have been on here long enough know better than to start high-and-mighty-sounding threads "disciplining" fellow GCers?

[epchick]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Suggested new thread title:

Why don't GCers that have been on here long enough know better than to start high-and-mighty-sounding threads "disciplining" fellow GCers?

or Waaaaaaahhh, why don't the meanie GCers care what I think????