Why are questioning PNMs consistently demonized here?

[SWTXBelle]

Originally Posted by epchick

So I don't know if it's because I'm almost in a Mexican-food induced coma, but your last few sentences do not make sense. WTH are you talking about? Who isn't "stepping up to the plate" and what aren't they "owning?" And how the heck are those two 'scenarios' the same?

Yes, where are these threads where NPC members are gleefully discussing cutting pnms for not being thin/rich enough? And are these mysterious GCers established posters, or trolls looking for trouble? I have somehow missed these threads . . .

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Yes, where are these threads where NPC members are gleefully discussing cutting pnms for not being thin/rich enough? And are these mysterious GCers established posters, or trolls looking for trouble? I have somehow missed these threads . . .

There aren't any, because that wasn't in my message. I said that there are constant threads where GC members mention how wrong it is for NPC members to make superficial cuts, start rumors about other chapters, for PNMs to act like chapters are beneath them, etc. Essentially, being "mean girls". I am saying that the only differences between those women that nearly all GC members (including me!) are criticizing, and the select GC posters that post constant rude posts to everybody on this site, are purely situational. The attitude, however, is definitely the same exclusive, rude just to be rude, pretentious and insecure "mean girl" phenomenon. And the excuses, "Just deal with it" are the same that both parties would make. Once again, I don't necessarily think this is an unfair or difficult point to make.

And before somebody tells me to just leave GC, they are missing the point because 95% of the women here make very enjoyable posts, many without "sugarcoating" or "blowing sunshine up somebodies ass" (which I think is also wrong). And before somebody misconstrues my post as ludicrous, I think that most of the population understands what I am trying to say, so at this point I'm just starting to assume that people don't want to understand what I am saying.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

And before somebody tells me to just leave GC, they are missing the point because 95% of the women here make very enjoyable posts, many without "sugarcoating" or "blowing sunshine up somebodies ass" (which I think is also wrong).

Not to toot my own horn, but I'd like to think I've mastered the art of being honest with PNMs without being an outright bitch to them.

However, I feel like if a PNM is going to dish out rudeness, I can do that too.

[gee_ess]

I think what Trideltsallie is saying (and I tend to agree) is that she would like to see less reactionary responses from the women online. When a young, immature, hurting pnm starts spouting off, take the high road.
Don't belittle yourself or your organization by getting into a pissing match with someone who you know doesn't know better and won't listen. No one wins. And you only hurt your organization. We aren't anonymous...

just my 2cents

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I think what Trideltsallie is saying (and I tend to agree) is that she would like to see less reactionary responses from the women online. When a young, immature, hurting pnm starts spouting off, take the high road.
Don't belittle yourself or your organization by getting into a pissing match with someone who you know doesn't know better and won't listen. No one wins. And you only hurt your organization. We aren't anonymous...

just my 2cents

and

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

There aren't any, because that wasn't in my message. I said that there are constant threads where GC members mention how wrong it is for NPC members to make superficial cuts, start rumors about other chapters, for PNMs to act like chapters are beneath them, etc. Essentially, being "mean girls". I am saying that the only differences between those women that nearly all GC members (including me!) are criticizing, and the select GC posters that post constant rude posts to everybody on this site, are purely situational. The attitude, however, is definitely the same exclusive, rude just to be rude, pretentious and insecure "mean girl" phenomenon. And the excuses, "Just deal with it" are the same that both parties would make. Once again, I don't necessarily think this is an unfair or difficult point to make.

And before somebody tells me to just leave GC, they are missing the point because 95% of the women here make very enjoyable posts, many without "sugarcoating" or "blowing sunshine up somebodies ass" (which I think is also wrong). And before somebody misconstrues my post as ludicrous, I think that most of the population understands what I am trying to say, so at this point I'm just starting to assume that people don't want to understand what I am saying.

Thank you.

[Senusret I]

Nobody's organization is hurt by these things. Jeez.

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Nobody's organization is hurt by these things. Jeez.

I was just about to post this. I can't help but roll my eyes whenever I see "belittling your organization". That's lame.

It's one thing to think someone's belittling themselves, fine. If I think Senusret I's** being an arrogant asshat, should I think less of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.? Absolutely not.

**used for entertainment purposes only.

[KSUViolet06]

In alot of cases, PNMs are looking for people to tell them what they want to hear.

For example, the most recent post from the young lady asking "how we decide who gets bids?"

I believe she received VERY POLITE answers stating that this wasn't something we discussed.

But she kept asking about it.

That's when people are rude.

I would like to think that PNMs would LIKE to hear some honest feedback about things.

Nothing in life is sugarcoated. Ever. Like, not getting a job, not getting the house you wanted to buy, etc.

Recruitment is one of those things.

I find that it is much more helpful to be honest with a PNM so she can go into the process FULLY PREPARED and knowing all possible outcomes (you may not get a bid, you may not get your top choice, you may not be 100% happy).

I'd much rather be honest with a PNM than see her get hurt thinking that everything turns out perfectly in the world of recruitment and sorority life.

If that makes me "mean" then so be it.

I do however think that there is way to be tactfully honest however. It's like those retro threads. It's not so much in what a PNM says, but how it is said.

[ZTA72]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

But she kept asking about it.
That's when people are rude.
I would like to think that PNMs would LIKE to hear some honest feedback about things. If that makes me "mean" then so be it.

100% agree. I've never posted so much in a thread, but this got to be crazy. I started out trying to help and look where that went. Being nasty in a post as a PNM just doesn't make sense to me. I think we were all very * nice and pleasant* until the PNM became rude and hostile. Guess we all just need to get over it. I know I do. WOW.

[LadyLonghorn]

Actually, I see a lot of support given to rejected/dejected PNMs here, but they really lose a lot of support once they start talking about how they decided one or two groups who continued to invite them back were below their standards. Or when they repeatedly ask for confidential information and make multiple threads asking the same thing in different words. Or when they continue to not believe the answers we give because their situation is obviously so special and unique. Those are the kinds of things that do not endear someone to many of the GC regulars, myself included.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Actually, I see a lot of support given to rejected/dejected PNMs here, but they really lose a lot of support once they start talking about how they decided one or two groups who continued to invite them back were below their standards. Or when they repeatedly ask for confidential information and make multiple threads asking the same thing in different words. Or when they continue to not believe the answers we give because their situation is obviously so special and unique. Those are the kinds of things that do not endear someone to many of the GC regulars, myself included.

YES.

And be honest, how many times have you seen a GC member respond with an "Oh I'm totally sorry hun" when a girl ends up not getting a bid?

Alot.

Mean girls say "Tough luck hun, better run along and cry now."

We really don't do that.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

We really don't do that.

Exactly.

People see what they want to see, and ignore the rest.

[KSUViolet06]

I also think it's worth noting that PNM that the OP is probably referring to HAD her question answered VERY politely when she asked.

She asked "how we decided on new members." We said "That's not something we can discuss." I certainly don't find that to be rude.

[gee_ess]

I reread that thread that the OP is referring to (How do sororities decide?) and I agree that many of GCers responded politely (and I, too, have seen it often. We are sympathetic and try to be helpful.)

The problem arises when people, for whatever reason, act flippant right off the bat. Post # 3 from the original thread comes to mind. The girl (OP) really had a legitimate question - she is naiive, obviously, but to spout off a comment about throwing darts in answer to what was obviously a real question was rude. It smacks of "we're in the club, you're not."

Again, many tried to help but one or two posters kept acting accusatory (like she should KNOW better which she obviously didn't or she wouldn't have cut the last house on pref night) and she eventually got defensive and that didn't bode well for the whole thread.

I agree, she didn't act in an exemplary manner but she didn't throw the first punch. IMO

[kddani]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I reread that thread that the OP is referring to (How do sororities decide?) and I agree that many of GCers responded politely (and I, too, have seen it often. We are sympathetic and try to be helpful.)

The problem arises when people, for whatever reason, act flippant right off the bat. Post # 3 from the original thread comes to mind. The girl (OP) really had a legitimate question - she is naiive, obviously, but to spout off a comment about throwing darts in answer to what was obviously a real question was rude. It smacks of "we're in the club, you're not."

Again, many tried to help but one or two posters kept acting accusatory (like she should KNOW better which she obviously didn't or she wouldn't have cut the last house on pref night) and she eventually got defensive and that didn't bode well for the whole thread.

I agree, she didn't act in an exemplary manner but she didn't throw the first punch. IMO

Yep, it was a flippant response. And sorry that you don't have a sense of humor. I didn't realize that we weren't allowed to joke on these boards!

She's seeking private membership information. She likely already sought it on her campus and didn't get the answer she liked. Rho Chis will tell you that membership selection is private. It's also a question that has been asked a billion times on these boards.

If you would've read my response, I went on to say "Seriously, we can't tell you how members are picked. There are a ton of threads that may answer some of your questions, so spend some time reading."

Sorry it wasn't to your liking.