MTV's Engaged & Underage

[LΩVE]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

You can only control yourself. You can't control how other people feel about what you're doing. While some of these kids might be doing things that are detrimental to their futures, their concern can't primarily be not devastating their parents.

Yes and no. Personally, because family is important to me and I need their support, I can't see myself committing to a man that my family hates. It's hard enough to get married young, but to alienate a family? It has to be a lot harder without support from your family.

Sometimes parents are concerned because the potential spouse is abusive in some way, has some serious issues (drug, gambling, alcohol addictions), is super selfish (the kind that sits at home while the other partner works their butt off), or they are rude to the future in-laws (which to me is a deal breaker...I'd never look twice at a Spencer...if they can't be respectful to my parents then they can't be respectful to me).

Of course in some cases I think parents cannot be pleased. If my parents, for instance, disapproved because my fiancee was a different race, I would decide they would have to live with my decision. That's their prerogative, not mine (though fortunately I don't think I'll run into that particular obstacle). And some parents can't be pleased no matter what...they just aren't ready for their baby to get married. In that case...good luck.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by LΩVE

...the potential spouse is abusive in some way, has some serious issues (drug, gambling, alcohol addictions), is super selfish (the kind that sits at home while the other partner works their butt off), or they are rude to the future in-laws (which to me is a deal breaker...I'd never look twice at a Spencer...if they can't be respectful to my parents then they can't be respectful to me).

Right - so, this issue is still not one for the family. It's something that the abused spouse would need to come to terms with. We don't need to concern ourselves with whether our actions please our families if we are really making healthy choices. If we aren't making healthy choices, pleasing or displeasing our families shouldn't be a priority. The priority should be figuring out what our issues are.

[LΩVE]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Right - so, this issue is still not one for the family. It's something that the abused spouse would need to come to terms with. We don't need to concern ourselves with whether our actions please our families if we are really making healthy choices. If we aren't making healthy choices, pleasing or displeasing our families shouldn't be a priority. The priority should be figuring out what our issues are.

Don't insist that everyone subscribe to YOUR system of beliefs. Everyone has a different relationship with their family. Maybe to you, they are not so important in the scheme of things. To me, they are. And sometimes they do know best. I believe there is a way to have them and me be happy...that's important to me, and obviously not to you, but don't be offensive about it.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by LΩVE

Don't insist that everyone subscribe to YOUR system of beliefs. Everyone has a different relationship with their family. Maybe to you, they are not so important in the scheme of things. To me, they are. And sometimes they do know best. I believe there is a way to have them and me be happy...that's important to me, and obviously not to you, but don't be offensive about it.

Slow your roll, little girl. What was offensive about what I said and where am I insisting that "everyone subscribe to [MY] system of beliefs"?

[LΩVE]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Slow your roll, little girl. What was offensive about what I said and where am I insisting that "everyone subscribe to [MY] system of beliefs"?

"Little girl"? My we're feeling important today.

"We don't need to concern ourselves with whether our actions please our families if we are really making healthy choices. If we aren't making healthy choices, pleasing or displeasing our families shouldn't be a priority. The priority should be figuring out what our issues are."

"You can only control yourself. You can't control how other people feel about what you're doing. While some of these kids might be doing things that are detrimental to their futures, their concern can't primarily be not devastating their parents."

"Probably no can of worms. It's just really, really sad that you bought into that."

Now, big girl, I bolded the parts that are relevant. First it's "we" and "our", directly implying that "your" beliefs are what "we" should all do. Then it's "you", as in "you should be doing this" and then there's the condescending remark to someone about their relationship with their family.

That's their business. We all have different opinions and beliefs, but we all have different opinions and beliefs.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by LΩVE

We all have different opinions and beliefs

Exactly. So what's your point?

[LΩVE]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Exactly. So what's your point?

If big girl doesn't get it from what I wrote, big girl obviously isn't able to understand.

Let's put it this way...why I say YOU shouldn't think this way or say these things and YOU should think the way I do...how do you interpret that?

And if you, say, subscribe to a certain religion and I say something like "how sad that you buy into that", what would you think?

It's one thing to disagree and offer your own opinion but to tell someone else they should do things the way you would do them is presumptuous.