What defines a helicopter parent?

[preciousjeni]

LOL! I don't have kids but I answered based on how I am now.

Get More Involved: The level and nature of your involvement suggest that your child might benefit from more assistance. Consider being more proactive and seeking guidance or help from the college counselors in your child's high school.

So, I'm already a bad mother and haven't even started yet.

[AGDee]

Stay the Course: Your level of involvement seems to indicate a good balance between your child's responsibilities and decisions, and your advice and guidance

[alum]

Thought this would amuse all the parents of older offspring:
----
The Cat Years

I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate - teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts it's head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.

Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away. Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.

[Army Wife'79]

OMG Alum, this is so true. I want the puppies back. My two "cats" sure do turn into puppies when they are sick tho and want the Mommy back into the picture (virtually since they were both far away at school).

[srmom]

That's great alum!!

[FSUZeta]

i enjoyed the quiz, but am a little skeptical of my score. it said that i should have been more involved. luckily, despite my apparent negligence, both children got into the college of their choice and are doing well.

[srmom]

Maybe it's because of your negligence that they are self sufficient and able to attain their goals on their own!!

I have gotten more and more hands off with each kid and somehow, amazingly , they've all turned out fine, even the caboose, who is pretty much on his own.

[navane]

Originally Posted by srmom

I found this on the collegeboard website (surfing for the next SAT test date for junior son - last go round THANK GOD).

Thought y'all might find it interesting. I took the quiz and got "Stay the Course" meaning that I had a "healthy degree" of involvement. Some of the questions were illuminating, such as, "Do you meet with the guidance counselor without your child?" I don't even know who the guidance counselor is

I don't have kids, but, I took the quiz based on what I would do if I did. I'm a university administrator and my result told me that I needed to "Get More Involved."

.....Kelly

[ComradesTrue]

Shocker. All those heli-moms with Special Snowflakes are now showing up in the workplace:

Helicopter Parents Hover in the Workplace: NPR

This is just unbelievable to me. These poor kids are not getting the opportunity to grow, develop, and learn to initiate and make critical decisions for themselves. Now they are college graduates and they have not developed the most basic of skills needed to survive in the workplace and independently.

Parents: you are doing much more harm than good. Seriously. My kid wanted a prize for a fundraiser (Jump Rope for Heart) that his school is doing. He asked me to write a check in the amount needed- $125- to get the prize. I told him no way. If he wanted the prize, he would need to call relatives and some close family friends and describe the fundraising activity, where the money was going, and politely ask if they would consider a donation. I didn't even dial the phone for him. Guess what? With the neighbors $5 donation today he stands at $126 and not one penny is mine. And oh, yeah. He is 5.

Learning to navigate life, life that may even include occasional failure, is the best gift that you can give a child.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Shocker. All those heli-moms with Special Snowflakes are now showing up in the workplace:

Helicopter Parents Hover in the Workplace: NPR

This is just unbelievable to me. These poor kids are not getting the opportunity to grow, develop, and learn to initiate and make critical decisions for themselves. Now they are college graduates and they have not developed the most basic of skills needed to survive in the workplace and independently.

That's CRAZY.

My mom has never even known the NUMBER to my workplace or my supervisor's name to call them (at least not since I was 16 and sans cell phone.)

[GammaPhi88]

Ugh. I'm a tour guide at my law school, and I see all types. My mom and I went on a tour at only one law school I considered together, and she didn't ask any questions. We discussed the school over lunch afterwards, but thats it. I chose my law school on my own, dealt with enrolling and financial aid, and so on, on my own. My apartment was something I found on my own as well, and they haven't been by since I moved in (and I live close to them).

So its shocking to me when I get parents on my tours asking all sorts of questions that their child...who is potentially going to be a lawyer...should be asking. I've had parents tell me the curve is unfair, and if they could talk to anyone about it. I've had parents try to argue with me about getting their kids off the wait list (good luck, I'm a student tour guide, not an admissions officer). And I've had parents get annoyed at me because we have events with beer and wine...which are adult networking events, and I'm sorry, but if your kid can't control themselves at those things, they are not ready for law school. Geez.

I guess I'm mostly annoyed about this because I'm 23 and some of these heli-kids are my age or older than me. It makes me worry that these kids will be my colleagues, and while my classmates generally aren't like that, I sure as hell do not want to work with lawyers that are down the road.

[psusue]

I think this is my biggest problem with helicopter parenting-- where does it end? My mom has always taught me to fight my own battles. Even when I had an extremely unfair supervisor in on of my jobs she let me handle it. She offered (mostly out of anger) to help when the woman basically succeeded in removing me (not firing, I left in good standing) but I would have never let her. I'm an adult and fair or not it's your life. I understand that every parent wants to spare their child unnecessary pain but the world is harsh and you can't protect them forever. Teach them to pick themselves up from those realities and that is what will do them a favor, because failure is inevitable.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

LOL! I don't have kids but I answered based on how I am now.

Get More Involved: The level and nature of your involvement suggest that your child might benefit from more assistance. Consider being more proactive and seeking guidance or help from the college counselors in your child's high school.

So, I'm already a bad mother and haven't even started yet.

I took the quiz for Mom33 (as in, checked off the things she did or didn't do). She got the same result.

[KSUViolet06]

I'm in a grad class called Family Collaboration. Naturally we get into a lot of discussion about parenting.

We got on this topic last week and the prof was telling us how many heli-moms she encounters every semester.

She teaches several undergrad classes (junior level) within the education dept. and had a student's mother call and ask for all the due dates on her syllabus so that "Suzie can turn in her assignments on time."

If Suzie can't manage to turn in assignments on time without Mommy, how on Earth is she going to be a TEACHER?

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I took the quiz for Mom33 (as in, checked off the things she did or didn't do). She got the same result.

I got the same result based on how I intend to treat my children; however, I took the quiz for MommyCG and she got "Reconsider Your Involvement." I already knew I had a heli-mom in high school (and some of college) but she's much better now.