long distance relationships

[agzg]

My boyfriend and I were long distance for a year after he found a job in Chicago and I was still living in Pittsburgh (finishing my degree).

It was tough but we saw each other as much as possible, talked on the phone (almost) every day, and were really careful about being honest and open with each other about what was going on in our lives and who we were hanging out with.

We also had a plan to fix the situation. I moved out here when I finished my degree (two months ago) and things have been great so far.

Make things as normal as possible when you see each other. That way, when you are in the same city, you can pick things up where you left off.

I'm also a proponent of getting out of a long distance relationship when there's no future other than long distance.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

I'm also a proponent of getting out of a long distance relationship when there's no future other than long distance.

This is a good point. LDRs are meant to be a temporary situation.

At some point, if two people are in their relationship for the long haul (meaning you have mutually decided that you're eventually moving on to a next step like engagement and marriage), there needs to be a plan to end the distance. Example: Suzy and Bobby are long distance while Bobby finishes law school in NY. When Bobby graduates, he will move to Suzy's town.

[joliebelle]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is a good point. LDRs are meant to be a temporary situation.

At some point, if two people are in their relationship for the long haul (meaning you have mutually decided that you're eventually moving on to a next step like engagement and marriage), there needs to be a plan to end the distance. Example: Suzy and Bobby are long distance while Bobby finishes law school in NY. When Bobby graduates, he will move to Suzy's town.

That is kind of where we're stuck at...we've talked engagement, and I know it's going to happen eventually. I'm graduating in May and I'm applying to graduate schools that are at least in his surrounding area or state, but I don't feel like I should have to do that.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by joliebelle

That is kind of where we're stuck at...we've talked engagement, and I know it's going to happen eventually. I'm graduating in May and I'm applying to graduate schools that are at least in his surrounding area or state, but I don't feel like I should have to do that.

If those schools have good programs for what you want, then there's no reason you shouldn't. I was already in my program by the time my boyfriend left, but I had no problem picking up and moving to him when I finished. Would I have had an easier time finding a job in DC or NYC? Probably - but Chicago's got opportunities too. I think with this economy I probably would have had trouble finding a job anywhere, and I for sure know I wouldn't be alright if I had stayed in Pittsburgh.

It's not a question of shouldn't have to do it, it's a question of do you want to do it? If you don't want to do it, then don't. Just know that that could spell the end of your relationship. Grad school is hard work (although I know people who would disagree with me, but I was PAYING to have a 60 hour work week, on top of BEING paid to work part time), and he could be great support for you while you're doing it, and a detriment to you if it's still long distance. I know that if it hadn't been for my boyfriend I never would have made it through my first year of grad school (but I had other complications besides just school - my mom was diagnosed with cancer during finals fall semester and passed away right before finals spring semester). I also know that if I missed opportunities during my second year (while he was gone) to hang out with my classmates in order to go see him or have him in town. It was a source of weirdness for him, too, because my school was at least 75% men and 25% women, so most of my classmates were guys.

Regardless, you'll need support in grad school. If the programs are good, and close to him, there's no reason why you shouldn't at least check them out. Make sure you apply to your dream school, as well, even if it's far away, and maybe another school that you like that's not close. If, after acceptances, you check out all the programs and you're still not feeling moving closer to him, then don't. You shouldn't move closer to him if you don't want to. Just don't expect him to move closer to you in the future.

[joliebelle]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

If those schools have good programs for what you want, then there's no reason you shouldn't.

It's not a question of shouldn't have to do it, it's a question of do you want to do it? If you don't want to do it, then don't. Just know that that could spell the end of your relationship.

Regardless, you'll need support in grad school. If the programs are good, and close to him, there's no reason why you shouldn't at least check them out. Make sure you apply to your dream school, as well, even if it's far away, and maybe another school that you like that's not close. If, after acceptances, you check out all the programs and you're still not feeling moving closer to him, then don't. You shouldn't move closer to him if you don't want to. Just don't expect him to move closer to you in the future.

Thank you This is pretty much the advice that I needed to hear. I am applying to my dream school, which is a few states over, but also to schools that I do love that are in Chicago too.

[IlovemyAKA]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is a good point. LDRs are meant to be a temporary situation.

At some point, if two people are in their relationship for the long haul (meaning you have mutually decided that you're eventually moving on to a next step like engagement and marriage), there needs to be a plan to end the distance. Example: Suzy and Bobby are long distance while Bobby finishes law school in NY. When Bobby graduates, he will move to Suzy's town.

I agree with the above. My bf and I were about 7 hrs away for almost a year. I moved to his town once I graduated a few months a go. We have been together approximately 2 yrs, and are doing well since the move