Advice and status of my move in

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

I didn't want to start a new thread. I actually wanted to post this in the old thread I started back in March, but it got trainwrecked by a couple of idiots and you know who you are. While the thread was doing great, the advice was great. Like I was saying we're engaged and we did move in together, and yes his roommate is still living with us too. That's not the problem right now though.

The problem we're having now is coming from his friend. His friend is a she. He's in grad school and so is she. Apparently she's his study partner. It's actually a few of them, guys and girls, but after the others leave, she stays. I usually sit across the hallway in the tv room so I can hear the conversation.

That is a little creepy, in my opinion. Isn't there something else you can occupy your own time with, rather than eavesdropping, hoping to "catch" them talking about something innappropriate?

It's innocent and it's not like he's trying to hide anything, but just the fact of her sitting as close to him as she has been bothers me.

If you really believed that he wasn't trying to hide something, then you wouldn't be so worked up and suspicious.

...It's almost as if he doesn't respect my wishes... I always thought unconditional love was respecting each others wishes...

Respect is earned. If you are accusing him of something that he isn't doing (and you said that you didn't think that he was doing anything wrong), then you are not respecting HIM. And respect doesn't mean that the other person does exactly what you ask or tell him/her. Have you tried to discuss things rationally?

...I know he loves me, but it just doesn't seem the way it was when we 1st got engaged...

1. Life isn't always roses and chocolates. There are thorns and bitter moments in every relationship. How could you not have expected things to change from the magical moment he proposed? It's time to grow up a little.

2. You seem to be putting a lot of negativity out there. You get back what you put out.

Do you think I'm being overly jealous?

Yes.

Something tells me she likes him and he feels the same way about her. I haven't seen anything to make me think that, but why does he have to walk her to her car? He tells me because it's dark outside. Oh bullshit, you can look at her walk to her car through the fucking window!

I would expect my husband to walk any female guest of ours outside at night. I imagine that you have watched this from inside... have you seen any impropriety? Have you TALKED about this, or accussed? Have a grown up conversation and see what happens. But he just might be acting like a gentleman here.

All of our recent conflicts have been over her. What should I do? It's almost as if I can do nothing, because technically he's done nothing wrong. Advice needed....please.

Again, you say you believe that nothing is happening, yet keep contradicting yourself. It seems to me that you are not ready for this level of relationship. What is going to change between now and your wedding, for you to trust this man? Because you are pushing him away. He might as well go ahead and find someone else because he is already being punished for doing so.

Just the opinion of an old married woman.